When to Discipline - Thoughts Please Ladies

[Charlie:-)]

Im just interested to see what you all think about when to introduce discipline and also to find out what you all do.

I have just spent some time with my sister, her hubby and my neice over Christmas and im quite shocked at how much my neice has them both wrapped around her little finger.

My neice is 2 (just gone) and always seems to get whatever she wants despite warnings being given from my sis and her hubby but they both give in and back down to her crying and whinging. For example eating her tea and she doesnt eat very much, my sis tells her that if she doesnt eat some more then she wont have any dessert. My neice protests and and my sister again says shes not having any dessert. My neice then protests again until eventually my sister lets her out of her high chair to go play. 10 minutes later I see her sat in her high chair eating dessert!? The messages that my neice is getting is that its ok not to do as she is told because there's no consequences. I have also witnessed mixed messages from my sis and her hubby, for example my sis will tell my niece that she cant havde dessert until she eats more tea, then she will say daddy says you cant have any dessert cause you havent eaten your tea, then daddy will say ok eat 1 more piece then you can have dessert, at which point my niece puts it in her mouth spits it out and still gets dessert.

These are just a few small examples but basically theres no dicipline. Me & hubby both agree that if that were us in the situation then there would categoriucally be no dessert and we would both be singing from the same hym sheet when it came to descisions being made tio avoid mixed messages. But am I being disallousioned, is 2 years of age too young to be disciplined? At what age should you become strict and follow out your warnings?

Even now at 7 montsh old I say NO to Maia so surely I would just continue doing as Im doing and gradually she will learn the meaning of no and teh discipline will build from there whenever she is naughty. But still at what age does discipline really matter?

 

[Sherlock]

The threat of not getting something but ending up with it anyways is one you see over and over and over and over again. So many people do this.

Personally I don't push a young child to clear their plate or eat x amount of mouthfuls more. I don't like bargaining with food at any time, not when shopping and they ask for something while going round the store and not at home. If they eat what is on their plate (or have seconds) then they get dessert if they have room for it. If they don't finish their main course, I take away the plate, ask them if they are still hungry and wait for their answer. If they say yes, I wheel out fresh fruit and say to take a couple of pieces. If they eat the fruit they then have the yogurt or whatever pudding it is after if they have room.

Sometimes its just fresh fruit for pudding anyways so it doesn't matter pudding wise. But they don't know this when they are eating their main course

If they don't like the choice of pudding there isn't an alternative other than fresh fruit. And fresh fruit is always available if pudding is eaten and the child is still wanting something else to eat. I'll also offer crackers with a bit of cheese and pickle or some such too then.

I think you are being sensible in what you hope to do discipline wise but I'd reconsider the expectation of having LO eat a few mouthfuls more or cleaning her plate otherwise no pudding. If a child isn't hungry there is no point to make them eat food they don't need or want. I have awful memories of having to sit and finish all my food when staying with my grandparents and I used to feel sick because they expected me to eat it all.

I'd be more realistic and if LO has her main meal, finishing it or not, ask if she is still hungry and then go on to pudding. As to what you make it though, up to you.

I other areas though that don't involve food, then its a bit different of course But I'm along the same lines and don't bargin too often or too much. But sometimes LO will need to win one over me, I can't have it all my own way and neither can he. Its finding a happy medium so he appreciates what he has and is given and in return has an understanding that his actions have a consequence.

Hope that makes sense. I'd write a lot more but LO is about to go to bed and my boobs are therefore needed

 

[Sherlock]

I should add that with meals, if child says they have had enough to eat then that is fine. But they also understand that if they get down from the table and are hungry anytime soon after then all that is on offer is fruit - apple, pear, satsumas or some such. They are welcome to eat a few pieces of fruit. Its amazing how quickly children adpated to this and would eat a decent tea and then not look for snacks like crisps before bed.

As for when I plan to start, I guess I've already started in a mild sense. Depending on how he is as he gets older will decide for me how much I want or need to discipline. I'm starting as I mean to go on and OH is on the same page as me. I hope to be consistent and considerate. I don't like raising my voice or sounding rude to children (by rude I mean when you hear someone say to their child something like 'I said no, what are you? Deaf?!' or 'I told you not to be so bloody stupid' and yes, I've heard both shouted and a lot worse used in recent weeks to small children). I think and believe how we as parents behave toward Galen will influence how he is to others to a fair degree so don't want to talk to him in such a way.

 

[LucyBee]

I try to do my best with Tom as far as discipline is concerned. I think consistency is the key and certainly feel it's important to be 'singing from the same hymn sheet' as OH so we do talk about things when Tom's not around and agree on the approach. However, I always try not to judge other people and their parenting. You never know what their day/night/week has been like or what's going on behind closed doors.

 

[lea m]

But am I being disallousioned, is 2 years of age too young to be disciplined? At what age should you become strict and follow out your warnings?

No 2 years old is not to young to be disciplined and you should always follow through your warnings no matter what age!
If you say no, that no means no! Not like my sis who's no means "in 5 minutes you can have it after you've asked me 10 times!
Her favourite saying was anything for an easy life! Yet she has failed to realise she has made her life so much more harder!
I don't expect miracles with my children so what I do ask of them, I know can be done so I expect it to be done! And if they don't then there are consequences! (for example if I asked them to pick up the toys, I would tell them Im going to take them away if they didnt do it, then they have that choice! They can do what I ask or lose their toys!)

 

[kellysomer]

With the kids we have always said that if you eat all your dinner then you can have pudding. If they dont eat it all they dont get pudding! Simple! They know the score and dont ask for pudding if they havent finished. To me giving them pudding if they dont eat all their dinner is a simple way to breed fussiness. If they are truly full and dont want to finish dinner then they dont have room for pudding do they!? Harsh you may say, but its true, my husband and i run a tight ship with all 3 kids knowing the drill. Morgan is only 10 months but the same rules apply, if he pushes away his dinner and doesnt want any then how can he want pudding? We reward good table manners and give a very healthy diet with at least 2 veg per meal, we are continually commented on how well our children eat, how excellent thier manners are and how on earth did you get a 2 year old to lay table mats! (simple keep it fun, i say i bet you cant put all these mats in the right places? And she will reply yes i can and does!

I completely agree with you and think that your niece is clearly receiving some very messed up signals, disipline starts and grows from when kids are born, then there are no culture shocks, you just tailor the discipline to the age. Morgan at 10 months wont understand what Isla does at nearly 3, and Isla wont understand what Cameron does at 8.

Morgans favourite game at the moment is to blow raspberries with a full mouth (yuk) and i respond with a firm 'no, a stern look and take away the food until he had swallowed what he has in his mouth. Its all about tailoring the rules to the age, 2 certainly is not too young to learn good manners and eat 3 good child sized meals a day without fussing.