Wasnt Sure where to post this...

[CharlieOne]

Wasnt sure if this is the right place to post this, my mind isnt straight atm, i feel all alone and very scared, those that remember me i had a MC last november and since then me and my OH where trying as we didnt realised what we wanted till it had gone (you know), however after months of BFN's i told him maybe this wasnt our year and we should just you know carry on as we are, well i missed my period again (July) i have been coming on late so thought nothing of it, however when it got to 6 weeks i thought well you never know so last night i took a test and straight away got a BFP, but i dont know how i feel, i dont know what to do and im so scared - last time round i was so ill and all i can think of is its all going to happen all over again, OH knows but to be hosnest he didnt seem like he really cared which as hurt me, he was on the PC at the time and when i told him he hugged me and went back on the PC - im just hopeing, and praying he's only being like this until we know everything ok - maybe he's just as scared as me?

No one else knows, i want to tell my mum but too scared because of last time, and because im just starting a new path in my life, i have been taking exams to start a new carrer and i dont want to give that up, i wont have to but right now thats on my mind than anything else is that bad of me?

I feel so confussed, so alone, and so very scared im now sat in tears after typing this, i really have no where else to go or to speak too

 

[fran_23]

Hey i just wanted to give some hugs
And to say that how you are feeling sounds very normal for someone in your situation!
I've read a lot of very similar threads just this week alone, i'm sure some of those girls in the same situation will reply
tomorrow and they will a lot more help than me. Also it does sound like your OH is scared the same as you, he probably doesnt want to get all excited just yet as he is worried. That will ease as your pregnancy continues!
Congratulations on the pregnancy- wishing you a healthy 9 months

 

[HollyHobby]

Hi, it sounds like your husband is in self presevation mode a bit, he's afraid to get his hopes up and sounds like you are too, i would give yourselves a few weeks of easing into the idea your pregnant again. just rest up and relax and take things easy.
just becasue it didnt work last time, does not mean this time will be the same, rom what i've read - far from it.
Everyone deals with these things differently, you want to talk about it, he's probably scared to, but you have everyone here to talk to, and trust me alot are feeling just as you are now - so we have each other!

My husband is kind of the opositte to yours, he thinks everything is going ok, and he doesnt trust the blood results (my numbers went from 32.6 to 32 over 48 hours, pain and it doent look good) and even though i'm trying to stay positive,i'm totally bluffing it, everything is telling me in my heart that everything is not ok, but if you don't have some hope then you don't have anything.
And you hear of miracles, so i want one!

I would tell your mum, she's your mum and she would want you to go to her. You would want your baby to come to you in the future. You need someone in real life you can talk this through with, we are only 2nd best really, but just a post away

 

[sunshine_gal]

Hi honey..

I know exactly how you feel. I had a missed miscarriage in Dec and im now pregnant again, when we found out my husband was far less exited and even tho im over 9 weeks and have had two scans he still wont let me talk about it, to him it doesn't exist yet and all he keeps saying is i dont want to talk about it and he doesn't want anyone to know but i've told a few people who i know wont say anything so i can at least talk about it to someone, Its jus his way of dealing with it babe and i wont hold that against him, im just praying i get to my 12 weeks scan and everything is ok..x...

 

[Slinky Sarah]

Oh hun congratulations!!!

Im sure he is just as nervous as you are and thats why. You know how much it hurt you and it will have hurt him just as much ok.

Stay strong, take care of yourself and im sure everything will be ok hun xxx you know where i am

 

[Rosebay]

Congratulations!

I expect your OH is worried about you and the baby hun. This is my third time being pregnant since September and everyone, my OH, my parents and my friends who know have been very cautious but supportive up to this point, not really jumping up and down like they were the first time as they know that we're so worried. I had a reassurance scan at 9 weeks which showed a heartbeat and we all got a bit more excited then, I had another last week and my mum is now asking me for my knitting requirements!

It's so hard to be positive after loss, part of you is trying to preserve your heart from being broken again, I know. It will come in time though, it's only natural.

Tell your mum as you need someone who understands to help you but of course there are all of us here...!!

huge hugs hun

+++

 

[CharlieOne]

Thank you all for your adivce and support, but right now im pushing it to the bad of my mind and forgetting about it right now, i really cant deal with it atm and i know that is so wrong of me, i feel so bad for saying that but i really cant get my head round it this time let alone let my heart in on it yet, i cant face my mum yet and just want to hide under a rock My OH hasnt said a single word about it since i told him, i cant even apporach him and that is killing me right now...

I dont have any stysoms (spelling sorry) and looking back of when my last period was im 7 weeks this monday (you do count from the last day of your last period?)

 

[fran_23]

Its from the first day of your last period. I can see why you just want to push it away and not deal with it..
totally understandable you are trying to shelter yourself from the pain you felt last time and you think that if you allow yourself to be happy and excited it will get taken away from you again. Its not always like that hun- but just take it slow, let yourself take it in and get your head round it..look after yourself and once your pregnancy starts progressing you will slowly let yourself believe it can all go well this time. Of course it won't take away any pain you have already been through but you will start to come out of this way of thinking and see you can be happy it is not wrong to allow yourself that.
You deserve it- please try and talk to your OH he is obviously feeling the same as you and wants to hide and not think about it until he knows its ok and hes not going to go through that again!!
Even if you don't discuss your possibilities yet..just say how you are feeling and let him say how he feels and just cue from each other..i know you both must be scared and talking is the first step forwards. You don't have to tell anyone else until you are ready but you could both benefit from leaning on each other!

 

[KateQPR]

Hi CharlieOne

Not sure you'll remember but we were in exactly the same boat at the same time last year. We both had a m/c in November, but it was just the worst time in my life ( i know you'd just lost your granddad too i think). Well i'm pregnant again now, and it's been such a different experience from last time. I had been a lot more fearful, worrying about every symptom (or lack of it). My OH is a lot less excited and interested (but he's now told me he's trying to keep a distance in some way just in case it goes wrong), and being pregnant again did bring back all the pain of the miscarriage that i'd tried to forget.
But just because it went wrong before really doesn't mean it will again. Each day is a new hurdle, getting passed the point you did before etc, but with each day you get stronger. And the way i see it, i'm 10 weeks now, so i know my body has done better than last time when i m/c at just under 7 weeks. It's all progress, and it's tough and difficult, but eventually we'll all get there in the end, because we KNOW we can get pregnant which a lot of women can't.
I think you just need to say to you our OH that you feel really frightened and ask if he feels the same, because i promise you he will. And go and speak to your GP. They'll understand that you'll need a bit more hand holding this time round, because being really scared and having mixed emotions is VERY common in a pregnancy after a m/c
Good luck, and hopefully we'll enjoy this pregnancy journey all together...

 

[CharlieOne]

Kate, I do remember you, Congratulations Firstly I am so happy for you and i do wish you a H & H 9 months!

Today ive felt awful in myself, i feel as thro im due on and like my Period will come - so im getting more panicy than ever, ive creid numberous times today over nothing and even thro i dont want to think about it right now it is slowly creeping in, i still havent spoken to anyone im so scared too, i dont want to get peoples hopes up incase it all goes bad again you know?

Part of me is dieing to smile but the other part of me is tearing up inside, im so so scared....

 

[DaisyRose]

Hiya CharlieOne,

Just wanted to wish you all the very best with this pregnancy. My m/c was a year ago now, and when I fell pregnant again 3 months later I worried myself sick and had very mixed emotions racing about!!! It didn't help that I kept getting horrible viruses as my eldest started school last year; following the screening at 12 weeks I was also told my baby had a 1 in 42 chance of having Downs. However, all was fine and Ruby is now 4 weeks old (no sign of Downs). There is a really good chance you'll be fine this time.

Rosebay, congratulations on your pregnancy too (haven't been in this section for a long while). I really hope it works out for you both this time, and for everyone else in the same situation too.

 

[KateQPR]

Hi CharlieOne,

Hope you're feeling ok. Do please tell somoeone you're pregnant - being honest with my family and OH about how nervous and petrified i am this time round has really helped me. Otherwise things just get so big in your head it's hard to cope and keep perspective.

Sounds like you're getting strong preg symptoms which is a good thing! I've been cramping and crying for weeks now!

 

[Noor~ul~Usman]

Sorry I don't normally come in this forum

I just wanted to say that I hope you are feeling a bit better now.

I had a M/C in July last year and found out I was 6weeks pregnant in feb this year.
Now I must admit I had my own methods of dealing with the M/C and it helped me greatly that the fetus just hadn't been developing - so there was never any heartbeat and thus I convinced myself, never any life.

However I was still really worried about telling anyone and my husband went into self preservation mode as well.
Thankfully my 11week scan showed all was well so I told my parents and best friend. At our 20week scan when we found out everything was still fine we told everyone else
Somewhere between the 11wk and 20wk mark my husband managed to relax and get more involved with the baby (as did I but I was still trying to prepare myself for the worst).

It's now all nearly at an end - and I'd be lying if I didn't say I was feeling relieved!
I don't think I'll relax properly until we've made it through the first 3 months when our baby will be at it's most fragile (I bet if you ask any mum though they'll say they've never relaxed from the day they found out! ) but me and my husband have been able to enjoy the last month or so of the whole pregnancy experience and are already discussing trying again for a brother/sister once our little one is 6months-1yr old