something im worrying about already

[GBLiz]

..is my mother-in-law directly after the birth!

my partner is indian , so anyone who's watched bend it like beckham has a good idea of indian family values!! My OH (her son) is the firstborn so his child will be a HUGE event. I really do like her , thats not the problem, but the level of family involvement she expects isnt something im used to (i left home at 18 , see my parents maybe 3 or 4 times a year, and email regularly to keep in touch). My MIL gets stressed out because she 'barely see us' (every month or so..which i think is loads!!) ..and she's already taken 2 weeks off work to be there when the baby's born.....!!

I can understand totally why its such a big thing for her but im terrified im gonna get crowded right when i am exhausted and need time to adjust to having a real live baby...I know the advice will be to be straight and firm with her but I dont want to upset her!!

 

[GBLiz]

i should add, im so scared of the whole family bursting in to the hospital roomstraight after the delivery, that im honestly planning to give birth at home on my own without telling anyone, even my OH that im in labour!!!!!!!

 

[lio]

I understand you! And i have exactly same worries... about my MIL. Plus she is very controlling and dominant person. She doesn't just advise, she TELLS what you HAVE to do... I just know i will not be able to cope with that...

 

[Pregnopaws]

I think this is something alot of us are dreading. My MIL is likely to fly over from Ireland before I'm even in labour so that she can take over everything! She'll be in and out of my house and the hospital all day, trying to control and organise everyone and I'll end up wanting to stab her. Cos she'll be on 'HOLIDAY' I won't be able to tell her to pee off and go back home and leave me and DH in peace. Though I will bark at her if she gets on my back, I'm not going to shut up and seethe about it! On the other hand I can always get her to do all the housework before she leaves!

 

[GBLiz]

im glad im not the only one!!

we only have a tiny one bed flat so i dont know where she thinks she'll be staying when she comes down for 2 weeks... Im doing all i can keeping her updated with the pregnancy so she feels involved, and finally she has understood that we simply CANT travel 6 hours there and back on a weekend to see her when we're working 60+ hour weeks and im exhausted...but thats taken 14 week to get through to her!!!! LOL

 

[jennyr1985]

Although I am not in your position, I can understand how you are feeling. Lola was the first grandchild of both sides of the family, and when his mum came into the hospital with his sister they just burst in, took Lola off me, and never even asked me how I was or anything. I started to cry and they just stared at me. Having a baby is the most emotional thing you can go through, and with baby number 2 I have told my OH that I need time with the baby before any visitors. It is always difficult when it is not your own mum, but you and the baby both need time together to bond and recover.

I agree with everyone that said to tell your OH to talk to his mum. I'm not saying you will feel like this, but from my experience with visitors and pushy mother-in-laws it can contribute to feeling depressed and low, as you have had no time to rest. You and the baby are the most important people.

xxxx

 

[Pregnopaws]

Well said Jennyr, but correct me if im wrong here, don't most of our OH or DH's think we are being a bit unreasonable for wanting time alone with our baby's? I have to say its going to be hard to get rid of my MIL when she's miles from home herself. DH will just say OF COURSE she wants to spend time with her grandchild, she's only here for 2-3 weeks or whatever, so what is the middle ground?

 

[jennyr1985]

I suppose it's different when they are staying with you, but even if it means you have a word with her if your OH reacts in that way. I just think it's so important to have time alone with your baby. I suffered from post-natal depression, and I think a big factor was having a constant stream of visitors even after coming out of the hospital. I am not saying they can't come and see the new born baby straight away, all I'm saying is that you should have a day or 2 with just you, your OH, and your baby together.

Maybe ask her to go to the supermarket, or send her out for half a day here and there, but the main thing is just to be honest. Otherwise the tension will build up. And if your OH is being a pain because it's his mum, just explain to him that you need your rest and so does the baby, plus you don't want to seem in a mood when his mum is around. Don't let him make you feel guilty, you've just been through a hell of a lot with the birth and you need time to get to know your baby.

xxx

 

[floppit]

What about whispering to MIL that hubby will be feeling all left out so might need more of her time?

I dunno - but my MIL LOVES to 'look after' her son, it might be an attractive distraction to her, leaving you a bit of space.

 

[Pregnopaws]

What about whispering to MIL that hubby will be feeling all left out so might need more of her time?

I dunno - but my MIL LOVES to 'look after' her son, it might be an attractive distraction to her, leaving you a bit of space.

Are you kidding? Its the BABIES they're after now.. the more we sprout the more they want them - cos they know that they're all dried up now and as fertile as dry old prunes.. the hijacking old bags LOL

(ok maybe that was a bit sharp but what the hell lol)

 

[clarey]

Hmmm I have seen how indian mammas are about famuly, but at least if you get on well you can maybe have a chat with her over the next few months and maybe arrange with her a list of jobs and errands she can do for you - not baby related jobs - so she feels part of it and useful and is around but hopefully you and your oh can have some bonding time with baby too.
I reckon communication is the key thing with mils!!
good luck