Heather,
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. Do you think that your partner is an alcoholic? If he is drinking every day, then it sounds like he has a problem. I will tell you wheat 2 counsellors told me (my partner has a drug problem).
They said that no matter what I did, the problem was my partner's and that only he could address it. They also said that unless he was willing to do something about it for himself, no amount of nagging, encouragement, cajoling, or whatever from me, would change anything.
They basically advised me to therefore think of myself. They pointed out that my relationship was making me so stressed and that I could do nothing about my partner's addiction, so what was the alternative?
They also said that often, a person with addiction issues has to hit "rock bottom" (i.e. lose everything) and realise that they've got there and be willing to do something after that to help themselves before things can get any better. Sometimes, people with addictions never help themselves.
Whilst you are holding everything together and going out to work every day, your partner is able to continue spending his days on the couch drinking. You can't change him, but you can change how YOU act. You have to decide whether you are willing to prop him up (by working every day) and allow him to continue as he is in your home. No-one can tell you what to do - you have to make your own decisions. Given that he is unlikely to change of his own accord then, are you willing to keep working and supporting his drinking habit?
The counsellors also asked me to imagine my life - if my partner didn't change (as he probably won't) one year on, then ten years on. They asked, "Is that what you want your future to look like?"
I am in the same position as you, Heather. I split with my partner for a couple of months before Christmas there (the counsellors advised that I didn't go back with him until he had given up for at least a year). He promised me he had changed and that things would be so different if we got back together. That's what I wanted to hear, so I let him move back in. Weeks later, he was getting stoned all the time again, yet lying he wasn't. Now, he is back up to "full strength" and smoking it all the time again. His moods are awful and when he drinks at weekends, he's even worse. I feel that I can't talk to him about anything and feel like I have no support. Now and then, he'll be so nice and help around the house and make dinner for a couple of days, then his temper is vile again.
I am so happy to be pregnant, but I think my life would be so much easier without the stress of living with him, so I know exactly how you feel. I am worried about the added stress of pregnancy hormones/a new baby further down the line.
I got advice, but didn't follow it! I'm still in the same situation, and still stressing about it! I can't tell you what to do (obviously I can't even follow my own advice!), but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone here.
Good luck whatever you decide to do - I'm still dithering myself!
xxx