questions about death!

[muppetmummy]

James was very upset this morning, I've not seen him get so worked up before.
Turns out he'd had a dream about his dad dying and it seemed really real and had frightened him.

He then asks me 'will I die?' This caught me on the spot as its such a big question. I didn't want to lie to him so said 'everyone dies when they get really old and tired and they go to heaven, even mr kane' (our cat).
I never want to go into too much detail about what happens after you die cos I believe in reincarnation, whilst OH is pretty much an athiest. And anyhow, I'd rather James made up his own mind about it rather than pushing my beliefs onto him.

This made him even more upset saying 'I don't want to die!', he sounded quite scared.
So I told him that he's only 5 years old, it's almost 100 years away so it's nothing to worry about. Even daddy is still really young and has ages to go before dying.

Then James asks 'don't kids ever die?' Again I didn't want to lie just for an easy way out so I said 'they hardly ever die, only when they're really, really sick and then they can go to hospital and sometimes the doctors are able to make them better'

He seemed a lot happier after that and apart from commenting on how real his dream seemed he appeared to forget about it.

I hope I've handled this right! He obviously wanted me to say he'd never die but it seemed a bit foolish to promise something won't happen when it's ineveitable!

His gran went to Egypt recently and has been telling him about Tutankamen and the other dead kings. He's obviously been taking all this in as he's been telling me about how osirus (?) takes them to the underworld and he's got a head like a dog. He can remember so many names and facts from the mythology she's told him about it's amazing.
I've tried telling him that, thats what the egyptions believed happened, but it's not necessarily true, all around the world people believe different things about what happens when you die.
Maybe this has been playing on his mind more than I realised though

Anyone else been in this situation? How do you answer these questions without scaring them?

 

[Strangeness]

Sounds like you handled it very well hun. Haven't had to deal with this situation yet but I'll be using the same approach as you hun!

 

[kellie80]

Yeah I agree, you sound like you handled it well. Kids seem to catch you off guard with these type of questions. My 7 year old has been asking similar things, especially when she found out her granddad had cancer and later died. I decided it was better to be upfront with her cos it wasn't going to help to hide things. Sometimes you don't think things have affected them till they start worrying about it weeks later.

 

[sazzylou]

you did really well hunnie! Beth went through tis a year or so ago when my grandad died. I said you die when your old and you get to go to heaven and be with the people and pets that you love. She was quite happy that my grandad was with his wife now (my nan) and even when our cat died (he used to be my grandads) after a few tears she said "im glad he died cos now he's with his dad" bless her.

Shes even been saying when we die she'll be excited cos we can all fly around together as angels....shes so sweet , she makes me cry

 

[kazlin]

I the same as you believe in reincarnation, I noticed that you read Journey of Souls

Anyway, you handled this really well hun. Can I ask a question though? Has anyone quite close to him passed over that he would remember? The reason I ask is because I myself seemed to accept death from a very early age as my grandad died when I was 7, I was very close to this wonderful man. I was told that he was now pain free, happy and had gone to live in 'heaven' which was a very special place. In my mind I felt that he was still around, but that's a whole different story Being told all of this didn't frighten me at all, I just seemed to accept it.

Sometimes I think it's a little easier to explain to children if they are actually confronted with a situation. Just my opinion

 

[kazlin]

Shes even been saying when we die she'll be excited cos we can all fly around together as angels....shes so sweet , she makes me cry

That is lovely and so touching sazzylou...give your little girl a huge hug from me

 

[muppetmummy]

Thanks for the replies, you've all reassured me. I was worried I had said the wrong thing

Kazlin....his great grandparents both died last year. He got to know his great grandad quite well in the months before he died as OH took him to see him every week. At the time he asked a few questions about it but didn't seem particarly upset.

Funnily enough I had a dream about his great gran the night before last. I dreamt I was trying on her wedding ring and she was looking at me from accross the room smiling

 

[sazzylou]

Has anyone quite close to him passed over that he would remember? The reason I ask is because I myself seemed to accept death from a very early age as my grandad died when I was 7, I was very close to this wonderful man. I was told that he was now pain free, happy and had gone to live in 'heaven' which was a very special place. In my mind I felt that he was still around, but that's a whole different story Being told all of this didn't frighten me at all, I just seemed to accept it.

Sometimes I think it's a little easier to explain to children if they are actually confronted with a situation. Just my opinion

this is what happened when my grandad died. Beth loved him to bits and she was pretty distraught when he died, but she dealt with it really well. One day she had a balloon and within minutes of being given it she let it go so that "grandad could play with it in heaven" then she kelt looking up saying "look mummy, he's smiling". I think it definitley helped that he passed around the time she was getting curious about death. I think she see's it as a very peaceful thing now

 

[DaisyRose]

Hi,

Sounds like you handled it well. My 5 year old girl is going through a similar phase - she can be quite morbid at times, and jokes about people dying (has done that since starting school) but I do think she is quite anxious about it all. She's told me she's had dreams about me dying; she suggested the other day that I look after her when she is old. It is difficult to know what to say really - I have explained that usually people die when they get old (and of course that I will be old before she will), and that I'm going to take care of her, but that's about it.

I'm not religious or anything but would like to think that perhaps there is something else; I've told her that I think of my Grandma, for instance, as a star in the sky - she seems to relate to that.

 

[Squiglet]

I think you handled it really well... they do seem to go through this death phase around 5 to 7... I think its when they confront their mortality or maybe its because they are more aware of the world, and hear about relatives dying and see it on the news...

I often have to deal with my daughters fears over death. For one her father is in Afghanistan and she often sees how soldiers die over there. I can't say her father will grow old and die.... because he might not, tomorrow he might be shot and killed. I have to try and reassure her on these things, when I just can't...So I do explain death more to her but in the sense of reincarnation, it seems to help them as death isn't "the end". Also I can't reassure her of her own death as my sister died when I was little and she is still very much mentioned.

I have become more heavily explicative with my beliefs as a result of this. It sounds awful but they do need to have to be told something concrete to ally their fears... I explained to Tia that death is a wonderful journey, where you feel no pain or sadness anymore, and one day when you are ready, you will be sent back to earth to become a baby again, just like flowers are reborn in the spring. Its sits well with her..

I think you handled it just fine muppetmummy... it one of the hardest questions you can field. Although I think the whole range of questions concerning how babies are conceived and born is rather more difficult