Please help calm me down!

[mumawiles]

My 19 year old step-daughter just told me shes pregnant!
Shes super excited and her long term boyfriend is completely supportive. She works full time and her boyfriend normally does but hes sighed off sick at the moment awaiting surgery.
Its not the ideal situation but shes happy and it could be so much worse! i have a few concerns though which i'm driving myself mad worrying about! My two children are fantastic and i wouldn't change them for the world BUT my daughter was 11 weeks premature and has cerebral palsy and my son was 8 weeks prem and has a whole host of health problems and is now on feeding tube. I know the chances of her have a child with health problems is really low but i just worry about her, i know how tough and heartbreaking its been and i dont want her to go through that.
My more rational concern is her mum! She hates her boyfriend for no real reason and wont even have talk of him in the house, she has previously said if he gets her pregnant she will have nothing to do with the baby (although im hoping she will change her mind and that was just said in the heat of the moment) but her mums always controlled and tried to live through her and i just know shes going to hit the roof, they have a very temperamental relationship anyway and her mum has always been a little over the top, for example up until a few weeks ago she had a 9pm curfew at 18! and shes banned from sleeping over at her boyfriends.
Im trying to be as supportive as possible as is her dad, and we just want her to be happy and safe and will help out wherever we can, any advise on helping her through the difficult conversation with her mum?
Sorry i rambled so much!

 

[Kaycie]

First off - congrats!

My best advice would be for your step-daughter to say something along the lines of, "I know how you feel about it, but this is happening with or without you. So you need to decide right now whether or not you're going to support me in this."

As for you helping your step-daughter -

Just let her know you're there for her. Let her vent to you when she needs to, let her cry, help her in anyway you can (give her a place to stay, a ride, buy her vitamins, etc). YOU can't control what her mother does and neither can she. All you CAN do is be there for your step-daughter when she needs someone to lean on.

I hope it all works in the end

 

[mumawiles]

Thank you for your reply.

I went out and got her a few treats this morning (including vitamins!) Im doing my best to just listen and support her, im trying to hold off on throwing too much advice at her! i thought she could do with a few days to get her head round it all!

Im sure shes going to be a fantastic mum, i just hope it isnt too stressful for her with her mum
i do thinks shes better telling her sooner rather than later even if its just so she doesnt have too long to fret about it.

thank you for your kind words, they really helped x

 

[Pemsy]

My advice would be to let her enjoy her pregnancy. I am a worrier and I envy anyone who can sit back and relax. I like to be informed it's who I am and my career is working with SEN children so it's very much engraved on me. However, I know that worry really won't help. Be there for advice; great job with the vitamins. Help her by chatting about what she can and cannot do now she is expecting. Let her know you will be there if it takes her mother time to come around.

How far along is she? Anything over 13 and I would defiantly support her in telling her Mum x