Not having a good time

[sarah120281]

Apologies in advance this is going to be TMI

Right so found out I was pregnant few days ago. Had period pain since OV normal for me, still got it on and off seems worse when moving maybe that part psychological.
I've needed to poo more frequently in last day or so so feels more cramps which worried me more. Then tonight I feel pressure up in side my lady garden like my cervix, hmmm I'm only just short of 4 weeks. Feels like I kinda need to push something out like my cervix is bulging. So I got to wipe see the tiniest spec of blood. Like a grain of sand showed my husband and he shouts saying it's not normal I'm wiping so much and that's what it is. Anyway turned out it's from my bottom as I'm a little sore from pooping. So I begin to cry husband is not great with emotions so shouts the A-hole says I need to get a grip. Get an Effing grip I've lost three early pregnancies haemorrhage d and now after years of therapy I've decided to try again and not just up the stakes a little but inject blood thinners thanks to the inherited clotting disorder my A-hole absent father gave me, funny how all his other kids have popped out a team of kids but me....no so I'm a little distressed right now currently I'm sat in the bath wondering why I have this pressure in my vagina, I sometimes get it on my period which worried me as I was then concerned it was a load of blood in my uterus putting pressure on.

Anyway no matter what I do I don't seem to be convinced I'll get this baby and I fearing for my life in amongst it all.

Thanks for rant. X

 

[sarah120281]

Kinda feels like I need a wee all time but doc checked urine yesterday and was clear

 

[Selly]

Just wanted to send some hugs. Can’t imagine what it was like with the losses. It’s great that you’ve had therapy and you’re in a better place than you were.

Have you thought about taking up a new hobby/activity to help as a distraction and keep the early days of preganncy moving along quickly? Xxx

 

[sarah120281]

I wish I could think of something I'm off work for two weeks as I've freaked out so much. I don't really have many friends I had my daughter before they had even met their spouses and kind of too different paths. So I kind of sit lonely through day and text my mum about my worries. I can't just get a grip though I feel like in stood on a ledge of a high rise constantly worried X

 

[Selly]

You should make the most of this time!! The weathers so nice too.
Although I can only think of indoor things - like cinema/watch a boxset/reading/ retail therapy...
There are some woods near here with a common next to it, so I like going for walks there and having a mini picnic when it’s kice weather
Think you’re going to have a long 2 seems stressing at home if you don’t plan some things xxx

 

[sarah120281]

Thank you poppet. I am in a better place today. Watching TV in bed and it's friday so I won't be as lonely. Xx