Normal for me to feel this way?

[scaredmum2be]

Me and my hubby had a conversation today about having more kids in the future and i mean years down the line but hes defiantly decided and is abdament that he wants No more in the future, I would of liked 2 children with him and hes said when i get to 8 months hes getting the snip .

In the future i mean in few years i would of liked the idea of another child but hes 35 and says hes getting bit old so he wont be able to do much with the child and hes so deturmined but ive had to force myself that i dont want nemore after this one even though im lying to myself of course i want more but i think ive got to face facts sooner or later he was going to say this anyway.

He wont change his mind as ive tried although i was thinking of the FUTURE so i wasnt rushing so early after this lil un is born he will be getting the snip soon then im 4 months gone now.

i sound stupid now dont i xx

 

[inky]

I think he will be making a mistake if he has the snip before the baby is born, I know they can be reversed but he could very well change his mind once the baby is there! 35 isn't old to have kids any more, my 60 year old uncle just had a baby (his wife is in her mid 30s) and it doesn't worry either of them one bit!

Make sure he is clear just how much it would mean to you for him to keep an open mind, it's something that you both have to agree on at the end of the day x

 

[scaredmum2be]

I dont really get a say apperntly. At the beginning at of the relationship he didnt want any kids but at the time neither did i and i think gettin the snip is bit OTT but he wont have it reversed he just doesnt any more kids.
He said he wanted the first child with me unfortunalty i miscarried in september last year but fell pregnant again by origionally a mistake i know it sounds bad but i love this baby more than anything. I know i should be greatful for the one im pregnant with at the minute but im also thinking of the future wise to but i feel wrong to be even thinking it.
He has made it quiet clear that he doesnt want anymore. ive tried talking to him numrous time but nothing xx

 

[Sam's Mum]

I don't understand why he needs to make it so final - it's not as if there are no other methods of contraception in case he changes his mind! Obviously it's up to both of you but he doesn't know how he'll feel in a couple of years.

hes 35 and says hes getting bit old so he wont be able to do much with the child

What does he mean he won't be able to do much with the child? I'm 31, hubby will be 36 next month and we aren't exactly past it or unable to do things with our children, and that will still be the case in 5 years time

 

[rakrak]

Past it at 35? My OH has just turned 40 and we are expecting our first baby in August! Plus he's said he wants another in a couple of years. Age is just a number - it's all about you feel in yourself. As has already been said, having the snip is just so final so a talk with him about contraception incase his feelings change might be on the cards... Good luck hun xxx

 

[scaredmum2be]

I mean hes lazy as it is he doesnt do much its even hard for him to take dog out down park every now and again lol.
I think what i mean is when he says hes old he prob feels crippled by the time the next ones born, he just says by the time the next child grows up he would be bout 45 or something but i wouldnt mind that i wouldnt care about the age number really.

Ive said that when ive had this baby i could go on the injection after lil man is born but he he says i wouldnt need to if he went for the snip .
Im to young to even get a womenly bits sown up not to have anymore and to be honest i dont want to. Its down to what he wants at the end of the day, ive told him that clearly my feelins dont matter to him they say mine do but then he has to repeat the same thing an then mentioned i dont get his side wtf!!.

When i was younger id dream bout havign 2 kids i dont know why but hubby only wants one but at the beginning of a relationship kids didnt come to mind back then its only now ive thought bout it more, prob cos im pregnant. I was meant to put im nearly 5 months tmos so 3 months time he wants the snip done. In some ways i want it done quicker just so that it stops me from wanting anymore kids in the future so that i can deal with it more now and face facts. But he says he will have it done in his own time how is he listening to me ? hes not.

Hes not as understanding as i thought. I just needed someone properly to talk to i dont have friends to talk about things with because they gossip i mean proper someone that can keep soemthing to themselves.
Thanks all sorry its long xx

 

[evajo]

Can't beleive your Oh saying that - like Samsmum says there are so many other forms of contraception. Can i ask how old you are? I don't think its fair to be making that descion b4 you first is here - it sounds to me as if he is worried about the effect having a babe is going to make to your lives and the comitment he is going to have to make and the things he is going to have to change himself. Men can be funny when new children arrive, some can be amazing others feel pushed out, i know this was certainly the case when i had number two!
My OH is 50 a week b4 this one is due, but i'm 29 so when ages differ there has to be an open discussion, if you want more you should be honest and say 'lets wait and see when LO is 2 and have this discussion then' rather than letting him take the choice away from you x

 

[scaredmum2be]

Can't beleive your Oh saying that - like Samsmum says there are so many other forms of contraception. Can i ask how old you are? I don't think its fair to be making that descion b4 you first is here - it sounds to me as if he is worried about the effect having a babe is going to make to your lives and the comitment he is going to have to make and the things he is going to have to change himself. Men can be funny when new children arrive, some can be amazing others feel pushed out, i know this was certainly the case when i had number two!
My OH is 50 a week b4 this one is due, but i'm 29 so when ages differ there has to be an open discussion, if you want more you should be honest and say 'lets wait and see when LO is 2 and have this discussion then' rather than letting him take the choice away from you x

im 21 in april on the 11th hes 35.
ive said cant he wait for abit you know before he decides to actually go through with the snip as his doctor explained to him all about the snip. ive been honest in what i say but nothing goes in his head.

I think maybe im over reacting although im now going to wait at 8 months to see if its finally going ahead thats all i can do is sit an wait as i know he will actually for it saying and doing, hes so abdament hes son single minded on more what he thinks that what i think.

He just says ive got to understand him cos if i say my side we end up arguing an to be honest i cant argue with stress levels and being preg at the moment. I only wanted to know if hed be interested in one more in the future but thats out the window lol.

I think im guna make the most with the child im having because i know i wont be having anymore.

I think hubby will know deep down in the future when it comes to me wanting more he will know it. I dont think im that old to have anymore he might not want anymore but i end up thinking what if i end up resenting him for not wanting nemore but then id be classed as being selfish oh i dunno its head doing me now lol xx

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

Wait til he has got that baby in his arms and his tears are a flowin..then when bubs smiles for the first time..then when bubs first giggles at him..he is writing off the idea of children before it happens. If I were you I would drop the topic and wait it out. My OH was the same, in October I brought the subject up at dinner with his parents (got their support 100%) and then brought him round to my way of thinking..only child etc, I would resent him forever, Rosie would have no-one after we're gone..then in November I convinced him to start TTC as I said it might take ages - we had agreed to start in January - and then wham!
Don't put the pressure on him, he might be finding it hard to cope with the idea of one baby let alone subsequents little ones - good luck!

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

My oh always said he only wanted one child but it was his idea to have this 2nd baby! Fingers crossed he'll change his mind hun, it's not fair on you as your still young, it's only natural your gonna want more kids in the future!

 

[Yodabo]

It seems to be that he sees having a baby as a negative one. Men find it so hard to connect with something that they can't see, hear, touch etc... He's making presumptions too soon and it's a bit unfair of him to think that after your little boy is born then he wants no more.

Just wait till he meets his son, he'll feel no other love like it and perhaps he'll feel a little differently then xx

 

[serenitylove]

i ask for a compramise if he still feels same after baby is a yr ld you are happy for him to do it on one side you cant force him to change his mind on the other it not fair you should miss out be sure the right choice is made as these things can split couples the need for another child is very very strong you may resent him if he takes that away from you

 

[JJ Mum]

Hi Hun, I agree with all the girls replies, Maybee the doctors would not refer him to have it done before anyway. My OH nearly had it done years ago, something we both agreed on at the time, (so glad we didn't now) as things so change over time.

The only reason he didn''t was he bottled out the week before and rang and canceled.
He had to go to docs, they took the size of his family and his age into account. My OH is 35 now, but only about 30 at the time, but that was fine with docs as he already had 3 healthy kids. I wonder if they would refer him for it under NHS if his only child was not even born yet? I doubt it. From docs, referal and actual snip date was about 7 mths, so I am sure there will still be time to dicuss this after baby due -(has he been to doctors already? ) I wouldn't mention any of this to him incase he thinks this is a quick process.

Please make sure you don't get pursuaded to get your bits done, He has contol of his bits, but not yours - he cannot make this descision for you, its a forever descision.

Do you mind me asking - How much involvement has he had during this pregnancy?
Is it worth you letting him take more lead, and asking him to choose an outfit for the baby etc and what he would like his little boys nursery or cot area to look like decor wise. Is he into footie etc , perhaps go shopping and choose a tiny ball?
It takes more control from you, but might help start getting him on board now for the child and give him a head start on bonding? Just an idea.

Hope things go ok, X

 

[scaredmum2be]

Hi Hun, I agree with all the girls replies, Maybee the doctors would not refer him to have it done before anyway. My OH nearly had it done years ago, something we both agreed on at the time, (so glad we didn't now) as things so change over time.

The only reason he didn''t was he bottled out the week before and rang and canceled.
He had to go to docs, they took the size of his family and his age into account. My OH is 35 now, but only about 30 at the time, but that was fine with docs as he already had 3 healthy kids. I wonder if they would refer him for it under NHS if his only child was not even born yet? I doubt it. From docs, referal and actual snip date was about 7 mths, so I am sure there will still be time to dicuss this after baby due -(has he been to doctors already? ) I wouldn't mention any of this to him incase he thinks this is a quick process.

Please make sure you don't get pursuaded to get your bits done, He has contol of his bits, but not yours - he cannot make this descision for you, its a forever descision.

Do you mind me asking - How much involvement has he had during this pregnancy?
Is it worth you letting him take more lead, and asking him to choose an outfit for the baby etc and what he would like his little boys nursery or cot area to look like decor wise. Is he into footie etc , perhaps go shopping and choose a tiny ball?
It takes more control from you, but might help start getting him on board now for the child and give him a head start on bonding? Just an idea.

Hope things go ok, X

he has one child from a relationship before me hes now 18
and hubby never see's him and its his son.

so he cud make out hes got 2 kids and get the snip that way
i wont be saying anything to him about it anymore cos my
feelings into account dont matter.

Yeah hes spoke to his own doc bout having a vesectomy without
me being there, also his doc is the one u got to speak to
bout having a vesectomy he deals with that side. Hubby has
already spoke to him bout the info involved on although i didnt
know all this straight away he told me in time.

He knows that the actual procedure only takes bout 10/15 mins at
most i think.

i think hes read up on it to also without my knowing.
Ive tried getting him involved with this pregnancy we went shopping
i asked him which ones he prefered or liked and for him to
show me what he liked for lil man.

Ive asled him to help me look at baby bouncers. ive got him
to touch my tummy when baby kicks now an moves but then tends
to move his hand after bout 10 seconds.

hubby doesnt like football only me so the sport area got
no chance lol.

Lil man will have to sleep in our room as were renting
out the other room an hubby needs the money.

I have wanted
him to feel an be more interested in this lil man and hardly
appears to be bothered to be honest but i am trying to get him
involved but if i dont i try he will never really be
interested but also if i sit and do nothing bout all the
baby bits nothing will be getting done lol.(literally)
he get me £500 to get the baby bits basically i shop
for lil un an thats bout it.

And the chances of havign another one very mild. im scared
of resenting him in the future but hes so hardly bothered
anymore.
sorry its so long again xx