My joke for today........

[Mummy-D]

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married....
If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have
lost your sense of
humour.

The other night I was invited out for a night with
the 'girls.'
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight,
'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down
way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the
hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake
up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such
a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict
with him.
(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9
cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got
in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the
least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We
need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our
clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more
times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled,
cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

 

[LisaJ1986]

OMG. That made me cry! Lol. I read it to myself, then attempted to tell OH. Think he found me telling it funnier!

 

[Mummy-D]

as long as i am making you all laugh!!

 

[LisaJ1986]

I can't stop now. I end up making myself worse. I laugh at me, laughing at me, laughing at the joke. If that makes sense. Good job it's the end of the day and i'm about to remove my make-up!

 

[Mummy-D]

this will really set you off then lol......

The Heimlich Manouver -
A woman sitting in a restaurant suddenly began to cough.
After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress.
Two locals, MacKenzie and Donald sitting at the next table turned to look
at her.
Kin ya swalla ? Asked MacKenzie.
The woman signalled 'No!' , desperately shaking her head.
Kin ya breathe ? Asked MacDonald.
The woman shook her head NO !!!
With that, MacKenzie walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress,
yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her backside.
This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm, that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breath again.
MacKenzie swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.
Donald said in admiration, "Ya know MacKenzie, I'd heard of that bloody
'Hind Lick Manoeuvre', but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do
it".

 

[LisaJ1986]

Lol. That's brilliant!

 

[sarah113]

 

[emx279]

 

[Misslarue]