My friend just miscarried - the tears are back...

[debecca]

Hi all,

Yet another miserable post of doom and gloom from me. We have really good friends who live locally and who we see pretty often. Anyway, it transpired she was due 3 days after me which was obviously brilliant news because we have put down to attend the same ante-natal classes, we are always chatting on the phone etc.

Found out she was bleeding at the weekend (Friday) and she had to wait till yesterday for a scan, which was fine they thought... and then today we got the bad news.

I am absolutely gutted for her and don't know what to say or do. We appreciate they probably won't want to see us for a very long time now, but do you think I should send flowers??

I am sitting here in floods of tears because I just feel so awful for her - it's such bad news and after yesterday I really didn't expect it.

What's your advice? How should I handle it?

 

[Manda&Thomas]

hmm its a hard one hun
she might like some flowers but she also might rely on you for surport it might be worth offering it just incase she doesnt no how to ask for it
manda xx

 

[happy-chick]

I would maybe send flowers yes but id also send a card to say sorry and explaining that you understand if she would rather keep her distance for a while but if she does need you then you are there for her. That way she knows she has u there for support if she needs you.

 

[purple13]

ditto the above - send her flowers & a card and let her know that you're there for her if she needs you...

 

[kellysomer]

I had the same sinario a few weeks ago, i simply sent flowers with no note just a tag saying 'From a friend, Kellyxx' i felt anything i said wouldnt help and i knew she wouldnt want to see me as we were due about the same time too. I didnt want to patronise her or try to pretend to understand, so i just thought knowing a friend was there would help. She phoned me about a week later for a good chat, but did it in her own time which was good.

I found out 2 days ago that she is pregnant again, so i have fingers and toes crossed for her. YAY!

 

[pilkers]

It's so hard to know what to do for the best

We recently went on hols with another couple who are ttc and although they knew I was pregnant when we booked it etc it still made for a difficult first few days as I'm so obviously pregnant. It turns out she was 5 days late but came on during the holiday so that made matters worse.

I just tried to carry on as normal and avoided talking about pregnancy etc which I think she appreciated and we did have a great time in the end.

Also another one of my friends was due on the same date as me (which was brill) but sadly they lost their bubs at 12wks and tbh I haven't had much contact with them since. I was very sympathetic but they obviously had difficulties accepting my pregnancy so I've totally left them alone and hopefully they'll get back in touch soon. They know I'm here for them if needed.

You have to make a judgement call on each individual case cos each person accepts things differently and some want to talk and some just don't.

Sorry if all that hasn't offered you any help...just do what you think is best hun xxx

 

[muppetmummy]

's for you and your friend

 

[Bloom]

Oh Debbeca thats really sad news ive been really worried about you after seeing that post on Facebook, ive only just spotted this

I agree with everyone else send her some flowers and let her come to you. Some things in this world are just so unfair and it makes you appreciate what you have even more.

Sending you and your friends lots of