Loving the second baby as much as the first?

[x-kirsty-x]

We had OH's baby brother to stay a few weeks ago (he's 6 months) and having to look after him and Josh (Josh will be 4 in a few weeks) was harder than I thought. Josh wanted to be involved all the time and I found myself snapping at him alot when he hadnt really done anything wrong. I just felt so bad for shouting at him and Im scared that'll be how it is all the time when the baby comes

Im so scared that he'll feel left out when the baby comes and I dont want him to resent me for it. Im worried that the baby will ruin the relationship me and Josh have now. He'll be starting school in September and I dont want him to feel like he's being pushed out the way so that the baby can be my new favourite if that makes sense.

How are you meant to find the love and patience for two kids when you've been used to just one for so long?

 

[Lyn_no3]

i think thats a naturel worry n the fact your voicing it would suggest you'll try hard not to let your fears come true.
i know its hard to imagine but i'm sure you'll all find a lovely balanced routine once LO arrives.

maybe you being a little short tempered could be down to you bein pregnant at the min and also cos you were responsible for someone eles child which is never anywhere near as easy and relaxed as having your own children.

try not to worry hun i'm sure you'll be fine

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

I felt the same when I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter, and beleive me its totally natural!

I thought that I couldnt possibly have any more love inside me, that my eldest had it all, but I was wrong - the human capacity for love is limitless.

My eldest was amazing when her little sister was born, yes there were times when I would be feeding baby and toddler insisted on lying on my lap pretending to be a baby, but I let her do it and it made her feel like she was still my baby too.

Its also a fab age for your eldest one to feel invloved by doing little things like fetching nappies for you, singing to the baby and telling him/her stories together.

A great tip I had was to buy little presents when the baby is born and he meets him/her for the first time - one from the baby to your eldest, and get your eldest to pick a little gift for the baby, so they are exchanging gifts so to speak.

Above all please dont worry about it, kids can pick up on the funniest little things!

Hope that helps

 

[x-kirsty-x]

Thanks you two, I feel a bit better now

 

[claireabell]

Hey hunnie, I felt exactly the same when I was pregnant with Ashlea, Haylea will be 10 years old in 2 weeks and she'd had me to herself for all that time and I loved just been with her....I couldn't imagine loving another baby as much, but its amazing how much love a mother has....as GGG said about buying gifts, we did that for Haylea from her new little sister - we bought her a necklace as we thought it would be a nice something for her to keep forever. I also let Haylea help out with things such as passing nappies, helping with bathing etc I know Josh is quite a bit younger than Haylea but there will still be little things he can help you with...it will make him feel important too and like a proper big brother. Also once Josh starts school and you're in a bit of a routine if you time it right then you can get baby to sleep for when Josh comes home so you can spend some quality time with Josh....I wouldn't worry about it too much though hunnie you'll probably suprise yourself when the time comes....I know i have...and I love my two girls so much, they are the most amazing things to have ever happened to me and I don't know where I'd be without them....they certainly keep me busy and on my toes....good luck hunnie and I'm sure you'll be fine....

 

[kirlykird]

This is one of my fears, I've had Beth and Tom for eight years and now I have this little one due in a few weeks and it scare me that I won't love him or feel as close to him as I do to B&T...

Also, I'm so scared that I don't want them to feel left out.

I've tried explaining that Sam will take a lot of time but we won't love them any less and it would be nice when I'm sat feeding Sam if they just came nad cuddled up next to us.

We've also got them both a present from him, they both asked for digital cameras for their birthday so we've got them one each and then they can take lots of pics of their little broter too

 

[Urchin]

I have a 4 year gap with Mason and Brody. Mason also started full time school just before Brody was born.
He wanted to be involved, and at the start when Brody was so tiny he had to learn to not try and pick him up etc. But his brother is his best friend and the bond they have is amazing! It's the best thing I could have ever done for Mason.
Yes, sometimes Mason has had to be told off because of something to do with Brody but he has never been jealous of his brother or anything. He even cries sometimes beacuse he says he loves him so much
As far as your love goes, it is amazing, it just comes again from nowhere, and it's totally equal for them both.

 

[Xena]

Not loving my second as much as I love Lydia is one of my biggest BIGGEST worries.

Hearing all you mums being so reassuring is great

Kirsty I'm really glad you brought up this topic!

 

[claireabell]

I think jealousy from a first child is a natural reaction Urchin, we did have a spell with Haylea just after christmas for about a month where she was getting upset all the time that I was soooo busy with Ashlea that I didn't get much time to spend with Haylea but now Ashlea is in a routine I get to spend quite a bit of time with Haylea once Ashlea is in bed, so we get time to read books etc. I think its just a case of getting the right balance between everything...eventually everything just slips into place and Ashlea is the best thing I could've ever done for Haylea, maybe if i'd have realised how much of a positive effect it would've had on Haylea- well on all of us infact I would've had more babies and maybe not such a big age gap....but remember as well children do adapt very well. Haylea is awesome with Ashlea and I couldn't ask for more, she loves her so much its beautiful to see. So all you ladies who have the same worry don't worry I think its natural and everything will be ok, I can't believe how much I love them both so much and equally.xxx

 

[Urchin]

I just rememebred something that we got for Mason.

We bought him a bear from the bear factory and a few outfits, then when he wants to help getting Brody dressed etc (and couldn't) he had his own bear to dress. He loved it.

 

[Minxy]

He even cries sometimes beacuse he says he loves him so much

*wibble*

 

[nathanmum]

He even cries sometimes beacuse he says he loves him so much

*wibble*

thats soo sweet

 

[Freya]

Hi, I also have a similare age gap to what yours will be. My son was born in May and my daughter started school in September.
I also felt the same as you - I actually felt sorry for my daughter as I thought she might get pushed out.
The reality is - is that it has been great. I have not found it much harder and my daughter has been such a big help. I love both of them soo much and what is even nicer is that you can that they love each other.

My sons best and biggest smiles are definately reserved for his sister and she is always making cards and things for him at school (although he is only 10 months so doesn't really understand what she gives him ).
I think Urchin has said on here before that the best gift you can give a child is a sibling and I have to totally agree.

Regarding jelously I think my daughter has had occassions where she has felt jelous but because we are consicious of that we make sure that if someone is praising my son that we give extra praise and fuss to my daughter
Good luck it will be alot easier and more enjoyable than you think - and not only will you have two children who you love you will have two who love you

 

[Sammystar]

I was horrified when I fell pregnant with my second daughter. Molly, my eldest was only five months old when I found out I was pregnant, it was totally unplanned. I cried and cried for Molly because I thought I was somehow going to be depriving her.
There's just one year between the two girls and they get on so well. It's almost like having twins. Now that they have a little brother to coo over it's lovely. So far we've had no hint of jealousy. They love their brother to bits.
As for me, my heart just keeps getting bigger! I adore them all the same. You never realise before you have kids just how much love is in you!

 

[trixipaws]

i'd worry about this too- i always have a favourite cat! i love both our cats but the first one we got is definately my favourite. it doesnt really matter with cats (as long as u love them both) but i think children would pick up on it if theres a favourite, no matter how much i tried to hide it. for this reason i'm too scared to have another- i'll make sure i dont forget to take any more pills!

 

[tracyM]

Each of mine is special in their own way, I don't have a favourite though - everything seems to balance out. Dan is special because he's the oldest, Callum is special because he's Callum (if you knew Callum, you'd understand ), Charlotte's my little princess and Alex is my baby.

I worried terribly each time that I wouldn't have enough love for each new arrival, but it comes in abundance, and you get a little extra on top too. I've got 6 times as much love inside me now as when I started out.

 

[OverTheMoon]

Am so glad you posted this, its been worrying me loads too. When I think about my little angel and the fact that he will have to 'share' his mummy and daddy soon it makes me get a little teary eyed! But it seems this is normal.......

 

[Miracle babe]

I worried I would never be able to love another one as much as I love my Morgaine but when I watched Rowan come into the world and held him for the first time I swear I felt my heart swell to accomodate him and now when I sit and watch them both I well up with emotion, its almost too much to bear at times and I cry with joy.

 

[Keely]

I also have the worry I cant love the new baby as much as Ellis, and feel guilty that I am not attached to the baby inside me yet, as i was with Ellis! xxxxx