Interfering Grandma

[Faith1]

It's almost 0330 and I can't believe this is keeping me awake. Would love to hear your thoughts.

My baby is 9 weeks old. I bought him a travel system with pram bit and everything and chose the right one for our needs. I've been thinking about buying a lightweight stroller for when he's a bit older/bigger and I know I'll need one for when go on holiday next March. I love spending time looking and choosing and it's important to me to get one that is comfy, will give the right support etc.

My mum messaged me today to say she's bought a stroller just to keep at her house when we visit. (She lives an hour away). I told her she didn't need to do that but she did it anyway.

My mum loves her grandson dearly and her heart is completely in the right place....but I feel a bit put out. I can't believe I'm saying this but I can't shake this feeling. I feel really put out and feel like an important decision has been taken out of my hands. She told me that it's for newborn to 4 years and by all accounts it seems like an ok stroller, but I want him to use the pram that I bought him and I also want to choose a stroller myself. Whatever I pick is what I would like him to use.

Am I being silly? I really don't want to upset my mum. She's so excited to have her first grandchild.

 

[Holi]

Ok - I do completely understand where your coming from, but I think your over thinking it

Can't you maybe think of it like at least now there's a stroller at your mums so just leave it there and when you visit one less thing to pack,? and buy one that you want for you to use?

To be honest my mum and mum in law both bought strollers for when they have lo but it never stopped me using the pram I'd bought - and I loved not carting my pram about.

That being said I think how your feeling is very understandable! But don't loose sleep over it! Xx

 

[Faith1]

Hi Holi

You know what, I think you're right. I'm lucky to have my mum here (my nan passed at the start of the year and my mum has been so sad about it). It's lovely that she wants to spend her money on my LO.

I appreciate you responding and helping me get some perspective.

 

[Pin badge]

Hope you managed to get some sleep! I can see where you are coming from but I think you are over thinking it too. It is frustrating when decisions are taken from us but it's a little thing in the grand scheme of things so I'd try to let it slide.

My Mum has driven me potty frequently since having my daughter...we borrowed a travel system from my cousin as it was identical to the one we had seen in the shop. I was fine with second hand as it was like new. Mum said it had a scratch on the frame...so bought the same pram in another colour which has sat in our house unused ever since! Her heart was in the right place but it was just unnecessary. Every time I've mentioned selling it she has been hurt and upset but it's such a waste of money and takes up tonnes of space it will have to go soon as we will need a double buggy once this one arrives!

Grandparents are so excited and proud that they don't think sometimes. hope you feel better today? Xx

 

[Quinn1979]

My mum is driving me crazy, well not so much now but she was basically just going out and buying things (big things) without even telling me. She bough a baby bath and a Moses basket!

I got really upset and I honestly don't think she realised and was just so excited!!

We had it out, I cried. She said anything she bought could be spares for her house so we are sorted now. And she's calmed down lol. MOTHERS!! xxxxxx

 

[CarinT]

I suffer from same issue! Really dont know what to do!

 

[Jojo84]

personally, i think you're overreacting a bit. she lives an hour away, she just probably thinks it was a nice thing to do. my mum has a stroller at her house and she lives around the corner- she did it to make life easier and its a nice thing to do... she probably didn't think you would care. she's not saying you need to use it, just that its there for any time its needed. and believe me, as time goes on, you will see that its handy having a mum like that.

i, not being harsh, i just think you need to take a breath and calm down/relax a bit.

 

[Robyner]

At least it shows her intentions of being involved and its always great to have that back up of having an extra stroller just in case.

 

[Ella1979]

It can be annoying and frustrating when grandparents do/buy things without our say so, but on the flip side of things it's because they care and want to be involved. My mum has a stroller at her house (she lives 5 mins away!) and bought me one for my toddler when I was massively pregnant with my son and couldn't cope with lugging the travel system around.

My children currently have 3 of their grandparents (my FIL died 15 years ago, long before I met my OH) and my dad is currently unwell with recurrent cancer, so we don't know how long he's got. I'm not trying to be overdramatic, but it's way more important to have grandparents in your LOs lives than worrying about them buying something you may not have chosen yourself xx

 

[tinselcat]

Hi Faith

I thought of your post this evening after my dad showed a fisher price box and said "I know you said you didn't want me to get one of these, but..."

I think in these sort of cases we feel put out/upset because a boundary has been violated, if we have asked someone not to do something and they do it anyway - regardless of whether their heart is in the right place.

I guess the question to ask of your mum is, why did you do this when I thought I had communicated that I didn't want you to?

It's hard to know how to react when you know they mean well but they have still done something that bothers you. However (in my case) in future I want my parents to understand that if I request something, I want them to abide by it. If they want to make a kind gesture, then by all means consult with me on it and we can all be happy.

Good luck with the baby (and grandparents)

 

[H16]

I don't see the problem with it. She is just trying to make things easier for you so you have less stuff to bring when you go and visit her. My mum has loads of stuff at her house for my daughter for when we visit, she even keeps nappies etc there for us so we don't have to worry about forgetting anything and my mum only lives 8 miles away

Mums just like to help out and make our lives easier, if she knew she had upset you she would be mortified, I would just appreciate the help x

 

[schell]

I wouldn't worry too much about it. When my daughter was small I rarely left her with my mum and took the travel system with me and used that. She had a pushchair at her house but she only used it later on if she was actually babysitting for me. Saved me having to take mine and leave it there. To be honest it rarely got used and my daughter ended up using it for putting her dolls in and taking them for walks around the garden, lol. My mum also got a highchair which was really great if we went round for dinner instead of carting around loads of stuff. I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it and is just excited. You can carry on taking and using the one you've chosen if you want to, no big deal