Weird fears

[Rosieroo]

Hi
I'm probably going to sound like a right weirdo, but here goes!

I'm more worried about my Mil and Fil coming to see me and the baby at the hospital than I am about labour. I don't want them to touch my baby and the thought of them holding it makes my skin crawl. Obviously this is causing problems between myself and DH as I have expressed my opinion.
The thought of people being around me after I've been through labour terrifies me.

Why do I feel like this? I don't particularly like my In-Laws, but my DH is an only child so this child is really important to them.

This also sounds really ungrateful, but everything my Mil has bought so far (apart from some sheets I said I'd pay for but she got them), is disgusting and cheap looking. I'm not a snob (got my baby's stuff new from Ebay), but she bought a shawl and towel from a market and they are horrible, really old fashioned with big satiny logos. DH said I only hate it because his mum bought it, but that's not true. I'd hate it if my mum bought it!

 

[jacquidube]

I know exactly how you are feeling and you must not fret, just put your foot down. You will be a mother soon so you say how things go now. As for the towels...lol....just grit your teeth and only use them when she is around....it will also make your hubby happy too. You have to remember that it is his mother and he loves her very much and he probably is very hurt...sob sob...but thats men, so try and keep them both happy and just go along with it cause when shes not there its just you, your hubby and your little one and thats all that matters. You take care and Good luck...looks like you will need it.
Jacquidube.

 

[Lisa J]

hello,
i cant stand my MIL, she didn't even speak to me on my wedding day, my DH has got 2 older sisters and they are both very nice but she is just very selfish and thinks she know best, when my DH told her i was preg her reaction was 'oh right' .
She live about 100 miles away so she won't be there when i give birth but i am sure she will wanna come down and see the baby, but i don't want her to i know this is selfish on my part but she is so nasty that i don't want my baby to be any part of her and i know it hurts my DH but its just how i feel! (suppose i sound like a bitch)

Well sorry to drag on this was about you but i just wanted you to know i understand exactly how you feel
xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Rosieroo]

Thank you both

I had a really bad night with DH last night, it's hard to explain how I feel to him without sounding like a cow. Then I end up getting all defensive and really sound like a cow!!

I think what I am finding a bit hard is that about 4 years ago we were out at the social club with Mil and Fil and when Mil was drunk she told DH that he has a brother that she had before she got with Fil and she had him adopted. And that was it. No mention of it since. It sounds awful but since that night I've had no respect for the woman. DH craved a sibling as he was growing up, and to tell a grown up man that and then nothing is horrible in my opinion. Because I am pregnant at the moment I am finding it hard to understand Mils actions. She would have been older than me when she had the baby, so why did she do it? Unfortunately I don't understand why as she has never given any indication of why she did it. I know its her business but telling DH that then saying nothing is just horrible. My mum had me when she was 16, had no support from her mother and still went on to bring me up even though she was in an abusive relationship and broke up with my father when I was 2. She (Mil)would have been about 25 at the time.

I'm even considering telling the nurses at the hospital that I don't want visitors afterwards

 

[Lisa J]

you should tell them that if anyone comes to tell them that you are unable to have visitors or you could just not call them until you have actually had the baby! tell you man that you want to suprise them when its all over then they will never know so they won't be able to turn up!!!
what a great idea!! LOL
hows work going?

 

[Rosieroo]

Good one Lisa J

Haven't heard a peep from work since I sent my grievance, that was a week ago today. Got 3 more weeks to wait and see whether they respond, if not then I will start a case for sexual discrimination against them.

 

[-Cat-]

hi rosieroo, I can understand where your coming from. I had my mum asking me if I wanted her to take a couple of weeks off work to come over and help with the baby once its born, and I love my mum but that would drive me mad, I dont really feel like I want any visitors at all, but this is perfectly common. In the early days you are going to feel exausted both physically and mentally and its advised anyway that you keep family and friends visits down to a minumum at this time, so you can recouperate and you and the father can spend some special time together with the baby alone. Explain this to your partner and say you just want intimate family time! hospitals normally restrict visiting hours for anyone else to short amounts of time anyway, and if you are worried about in laws showing up imediatly after the birth, just explain tat you dont want your partner to call them till its been born and then arrange a time for them to come in for a quick visit, (with any luck you can time it for when your asleep!)

 

[Rosieroo]

hi rosieroo, I can understand where your coming from. I had my mum asking me if I wanted her to take a couple of weeks off work to come over and help with the baby once its born, and I love my mum but that would drive me mad, I dont really feel like I want any visitors at all, but this is perfectly common. In the early days you are going to feel exausted both physically and mentally and its advised anyway that you keep family and friends visits down to a minumum at this time, so you can recouperate and you and the father can spend some special time together with the baby alone. Explain this to your partner and say you just want intimate family time! hospitals normally restrict visiting hours for anyone else to short amounts of time anyway, and if you are worried about in laws showing up imediatly after the birth, just explain tat you dont want your partner to call them till its been born and then arrange a time for them to come in for a quick visit, (with any luck you can time it for when your asleep!)

Thanks Cat, you've really put my mind at ease. I felt like such a nasty selfish person for not wanting them there. But labour is going to be such an intense experience (from what I've heard ) why would I want a room full of relatives near me anytime straight after that?!?! I just wanted to spend some time bonding with my little baby and husband. The time after the birth is going to be really precious anyway because obviously DH's time off is limited, so I don't want a house full of people when I come home from the hospital either. At least I know I am not the only one to feel a bit suffocated at the thought