Impatient!

[Sef]

Hello!
I'm so grateful for finding this thread as I have been going quietly crazy over the past few months/ years!
I have been broody for so long, my husband and I have been married for a year in July and brought a family friendly house in March... So ever since then I have been feeling like there is nothing more to wait for! I spoke to him about it at the start of the year and have been off the pill for 6 months.... Two months ago we spoke again about how desperate I was feeling ( I have pcos and I'm 32) he's 34 and a smoker so I want to get started! He said he needed ' a couple, more months to feel settled as we have had such a busy year.... Fair enough... He is worried it will take over our lives once we Ttc.... It's already taken over mine! He wants children but it upsets me we are not on the same page right now... It's our wedding anniversary at the end of the month and he said he wanted it be married a year before we try so.... Do I bring it up with him again before.... Or wait till after if he doesn't mention anything? Should I get a date out of him? I'm worried this will put on too much pressure and he say longer than I want to hear... A few months is quite vague!
How do I get him to understand my point of view... It could take us a while without getting upset and sounding desperate?!

 

[mylullaby]

Hello and welcome!

I would bring it up now and pin him down to a date. A "few months" wouldn't be enough for me I'm afraid. I'd want to say something along the lines of "we aren't getting any younger, we have to try for a year before we'll be able to test for any problems and unless you can think of a bloody good reason why we shouldn't, I think we should start trying from [date - your wedding anniversary perhaps?]"

It's fine to say you'll wait a while and enjoy time as a couple if you settle down/get married in your early 20s, but just wouldn't have been able to wait a few years or whatever at our age (we're early 30s too). Has he thought about the possibility that it could take years? I know couples who've taken 5 years to conceive despite tests coming back clear - one couple actually took 5 years to conceive each of their 2 children - so 10 years of ttc in total. Maybe mention that you could be one of those couples and how would he feel about waiting a few years and then if you ended up like the couple I know, you would be ttc your second child in your mid-late 40s and then the clock really would be ticking. Not such a relaxing picture really is it? The trouble is, you don't know what will happen until you start trying.

I'm not trying to paint a gloomy picture for you because you've obviously thought about this. It's just that I know my DH hadn't considered that when we started chatting about timings, etc and one of the main conversations we had that made us both decide to just get cracking was the fact that we wanted more than one child and that after 35 fertility declines rapidly. We just wanted to try to avoid that added pressure if we could and working back from that age we realised we probably needed to get on with baby number 1 if we wanted to improve our chances for ever having a baby number 2.

 

[BunnyN]

I think you need to open with him and explain how you are feeling. Likely he doesn't realise how deeply it is effecting you. Sharing it will help you feel better and hopefully get you closer to being on the same page. If you don't talk about it the gap will just get bigger. Listen to his point of veiw too and try and find a solution you are both happy with.

 

[Sef]

Thank you ladies it's so nice to know there is someone to talk to as all my friends are either younger and not considering babies yet or have already got babies of our own.... I think my oh is very much aware of how I feel as we have had several very emotional discussions in the last few months- hence why I want to leave it until after our 1 yr anniversary... But don't know if I can... He's very understanding- but also very stubborn and hates to be forced into things- I want him it be excited to try too!
I just don't understand why he can't see that waiting could be dangerous as a few if our friends had real problems conceiving ... I think maybe it's because we are only a couple of months off getting the green light( I hope) but I can't see the point in waiting! Tips to be patient please!!!

 

[TashaWink]

What helps me is knowing we are going to start trying soon. I think it helps a lot to have a date. I also had lots of things to keep me occupied. (Weight loss, wedding, parties and summer)

You do really need to sit down and have a talk with him. State firstly that you don't want to seem like your rushing him but this is a serious discussion and you need an outcome from it. And then mention all the other things age, fertility....etc.

 

[Mrs M]

It defo helps me knowing a date - I don't really mention it to him as he thinks I'm nagging, but personally I'm counting down every day! It's been like this with my other pregnancies, and we're both happy that way! Lol! Even if it is 6 months from now you would know and could plan a few things in that time that you can enjoy as a couple e.g. a holiday, weekend away, boozy nights out etc. Anything to pass the time. I always promise my hubby lots of action in the build up too! Ha ha!

 

[KatR]

I agree with the ladies previously regarding pinning down a date. However as he doesn't like to be "forced" into things, my DH is the same, tell him that you want to take the relaxed approach and once you picked a date just don't mention "Trying for a baby" rather just not preventing it. We agreed on a date last time and it came and gone without us talking about it and there was never any stress about it. We did catch very fast which may be luck or it may be because neither of us was stressed. I had DD when I turned 30 so not far off of you.

Good luck

 

[Egbs1175]

I think it is easy to keep putting things off and thinking you have plenty of time but no one knows what the future holds. Who knows how easy you will find it to conceive? I agree with mylullaby that it can take a while to conceive and if you want more than one child you might not have as much time as you think. It is important for your OH not to feel pressured but it is equally important for him to know how you feel. I think it is a good idea to set a timescale to stop not preventing a baby as opposed to tic. Maybe he will feel more comfortable and relaxed with that.

 

[littlemonkey]

I agree with the ladies previously regarding pinning down a date. However as he doesn't like to be "forced" into things, my DH is the same, tell him that you want to take the relaxed approach and once you picked a date just don't mention "Trying for a baby" rather just not preventing it. We agreed on a date last time and it came and gone without us talking about it and there was never any stress about it. We did catch very fast which may be luck or it may be because neither of us was stressed. I had DD when I turned 30 so not far off of you.

Good luck

This is what OH and I did when trying with our son. We agreed to just go with the flow, DTD when we wanted and let nature take it's course. It did take us nine months, but it was relatively relaxed. We started TTC baby number two initally a few months ago, and I started OPK's etc. The whole thing drove us crazy and we eventually stopped for a while cos of the pressure.

The way to sell it to OH is that it won't take over your lives. Make sure sex is still for fun as well as making a baby. If you choose to do things like OPK's and monitor your cycles, then do it without getting OH involved. We're going back to this way of doing things now while TTC second time around.