I just dont feel happy at all :-(

[Tasha20]

I know its proberly just the baby blues, but I just feel quite unhappy about things

The breastfeeding is going ok but I keep feeling stressed about it and im not enjoying it at all I hate feeling like this I should feel so proud and happy to be breastfeeding my child, and I do feel that I wouldnt want to stop doing it as its the best for her, and she loves being breastfed, the comfort and closesness is so special.
But I just feel so numb at the same time

Living with OH's parents has been going well, and the have been so supportive and lovely, just wish we could be in our own place with our baby, I sound so selfish but I want our own space as a family.

God I feel so confussed at the moment, tierd and sometimes I feel really happy, but just not enough

 

[Alfiesmummy]

oh hun I never breast fed Alfie but if you need to talk pm me ill try make u feel better, you may feel like this 4 some time its so over whelming having a baby you need to get used to sooo many changes take it one day at a time ma darlin and see how you are if you feel the same in a week have a word with your health visitor and she'll help you thats what shes there for hunni, i hope you perk up soon babe i promise it does get better. PM me any time babes

 

[Tasha20]

Thank you for your reply I will keep you in mind hunny thank you for the offer.

I don't really want to talk to the HV yet, I find it very hard talking to someone face tof ace about my feelings, especialy as i feel quite emotional and I hate crying while im trying to talk. Im not sure exactly how I feel yet so I will wait until she come out on Thurs

 

[gingerpig]

Awwwwwwwwwww, I'm not a mum yet, but it seems to me that 3 and a bit weeks is still a really short time to expect yourself to be on top of things. I read somewhere it can take up to 6 weeks to get breast feeding fully established, so if you've done that already that's fantastic! Plus there's all the changes to your life, your body and your routine - I can understand you dont want to talk if you feel like crying, but it will be nice to let it out. I spent this am sobbing as my OH is having some problems with his diabetes - then I ordered loads of low GI recipe books and realised that partly it's inevitable, and that life goes on. Be kind to yourself, you deserve it for being such a brilliant mum

 

[Melly+2]

i have sent you a pm tasha

 

[Tasha20]

thank you, thats a very nice thing to say.

I knew it was going to be hard and tiering, just didnt realise how tierd and emotional id feel

Ive been really horrible to my OH and i just feel like im a milk mashine its never ending withj the feeding, night time just really gets to me.

I am going to sound like the worst mum in the world but, before I gave Birth I had such expectations of how I would feel about my baby, and everyone expresses this strong love for their child, don't get me worng i am so in Love with my daughter I would go thru childbirth 10X over for her, but sometimes I feel numb about her, and fed up when she wants another feed and I feel really down about it, that can't be normal

Im a horrible mummy

 

[Melly+2]

dont worry hun, read my next pm i have sent you, you are not alone x

 

[nathanmum]

i am so sorry you feel like this
you sound like i did when nathan was born i was absolutely desperate for a baby he came and it was fantastic, then the feeding got harder and harder, then the sleep deprivation, and my emotions were all over the shop! if someone asked how i was i cried, how the feeding was going i cried. i felt really smothered it got worse and it all got too much and i begged OH to take him (nathan) away id reached boiling point i decided to stop feeding and give myself a break which done the trick and from that day on i never looked back. i am still so ashamed of myself for wishing my baby away that day as i absolutely cherish him now. its a massive adjustment having a baby, your body and hormones do bizarre things to you.
what the things your finding the hardest? can you not get your OH or family to share the load for a while?

 

[Minxy]

I am going to sound like the worst mum in the world but, before I gave Birth I had such expectations of how I would feel about my baby, and everyone expresses this strong love for their child, don't get me worng i am so in Love with my daughter I would go thru childbirth 10X over for her, but sometimes I feel numb about her

Tasha, you are NOT a horrible mummy, but VERY normal! I felt like a complete fraud when Stanley was born. Everyone was cooing over him and talking about this big 'rush of love' you're supposed to get and I felt nothing. I looked after him but he was probably a couple of months old before we truly bonded. She's a little stranger who's come into your life and you have to get to know each other and build a relationship.

I'm completely obsessed with Stanley now but it took a while! They turn your life upside down and when you're on 24 hour duty a tiny bit of resentment and frustration is natural. I think many mums feel this way but there's such a taboo about saying it.

When you start getting something back from her it makes all the difference I promise. If you continue to feel down, don't be afraid to confide in your health carers. They'll have heard it all before and may help if it develops into PND.

xxxx

 

[gingerpig]

You're not a horrible mummy - if you were you wouldn't be feeling guilty! I also read somewhere else that it can take months for that really strong maternal bond to build, which makes sense, it takes time to get to know anyone. Maybe it's time to throw away the expectations you had before you gave birth, now you know it's bl**dy hard work - worth it, but hard work. Don't think you'd find many new mum's who would disagree with you - give me 8 weeks and I'll probably be where you are now. You can remind me then too!

 

[nathanmum]

if the feeding is getting too much can you not express and get OH to do night feeds for a couple of days? i used to ball my eyes out when feeding time came i was tired fed up and just wanted some space....

 

[Tasha20]

Oh thank you all so much, im glad im not alone and its normal to experience this.

I suppose your right really, shes a just come into my life and I need to get to know her.

I still havnt talked to my OH, I hate telling him things like this because it upsets him seeing me upset and I don't like seeing him sad I will tho I need to get it off my chest, I have been so mean to him over the past week.

The feeds are really getting to me and im not enjoying it at all, but in another sense I don't want to give up because Id feel even worse for doing it

 

[Tasha20]

I can only express upto an oz if im lucky, i suppose feeling like this doesnt help, it only makes it harder

 

[Melly+2]

how often does she feed do you have a routine?

 

[nathanmum]

that was some of my problem i think i got soo uptight about the feeding that it interfered with my supply, and the bloody nipple shields!
what about a bottle of formula at night i know some advise against it as it can mess up your supply but it sounds like you need to give yourself some rest? im not an expert on this what about budge she seem quite up to speed on these things??
dont worry about talking to your OH i know i used to hate it cos i thought he thought i was going cookoo but i just needed to vent, if it makes you feel better youve got to do it.
i know what you mean about giving up the feeding i wish i had done things different and tried different things sooner i let it go too far and had to stop. i know i made the right decision to bottlefeed but it doesnt stop yourself beating yourself up about it. im sure there are lots of things you can do to keep the breastfeeding going its just finding alternatives.

 

[Tasha20]

She feeds on demand and it seems as if shes constantly got a growth spurt.

I have been told that it will interfere with my milk supply if I miss a feed and give formula, which is something I dont really wont to do, ive got this far now and wouldnt like anything to jepodise the breastfeeding, but thats how confussed I feel at the moment, in one sense I have just had enough and want to give up and just go in a dark room and be on my own for awhile, and in another I want to be with her and give her what she needs and I feel great satisfaction out of that.

I dont know what to do, all this that im feeling and how I feel about her and the feeding at the moment cant be good for either of us can it?

Tried tot alk to OH but I couldnt dont feel ready yet, I cant quite some up how I feel

I can see that going to formula has made a lot of mums and babies happy again, I just don't know if its what I want , I want to breastfeed but it feels so... I don't know how to say it, its so hard to explain how I feel about it

 

[nathanmum]

i really dont know what to suggest. can you not build your supply back up if you gave formula for 1 feed for a few days and then dropped it?
are you drinking and eating well and all that other stuff your meant to do?
your doing really well with the feeding it hard going, i was really niave before i had nathan and thought that the only people that had problems were people that cant be arsed how wrong was i??? budge help??

 

[Melly+2]

do what you feels right for you and your baby, if you do decide to formular feed it is your own choice x

 

[Tasha20]

I was nieve too, I thought it was because women couldnt be arsed, I was soo worng about it aswell never realised how hard it was going to be.

I know I wont be a bad mum and I dont think anyone that does bottlefeed is a bad mum becuase its right for them and their baby , the happiness of mother and baby is what counts.

Just dont know what would make me happy

I think another problem that has contributed to my breastfeeding is that we live with my OH's parents, and I dont feel comfortable feeding in front of them so I do it in our bedroom, it restricted me to getting on with things and making me feel even more down having to go to the room as I know if we had our own place I would be happy to do it anywhere and would be much more relaxed, but theres no way we could as we just couldnt afford it. On top of that im absolutly gutted with having stretch marks run down my legs, they were my assest I was so porud of them lol ( I know sad ) my non flat flabby belly, I feel so minging, ugly and just genraly dont like seeing myself.

I look at her and feel so much guilt with the way im feeling about her and myself, why after childbirth does my brain make me feel like this

 

[beanie]

Tasha it sounds perfectly normal how you are feeling. If someone else moved into your house and kicked up as much of a fuss as a newborn you would evict them wouldn't you?? As others have said it takes time to build the bond. I would perhaps mention it to your HV and they can monitor you in case it is the onset of PND- if there is one thing I have learnt it is that asking for help is the best thing you can do, I left it till it was too late.

As for the breastfeeding if you are feeling so strongly about it how about taking it one day at a time. I went through days of hating it (I still do - today has been one of them) but I said to myself "i'll see how it is at the end of the week" etc and before I knew it, the feeding became a lot easier. The frequent feeding does pass, I promise. I just think it is important that you don't make a big decision when you feel mixed up as I would hate for you to regret anyhting. Wait till you feel a bit more settled and then decide what is best for you, you will make the right decsion for you and your baby.

It will take time for you to feel that your body is yours. I think its a massive shock seeing your body after birth, and it terrified me to be honest. You have been through probably the biggest change ever in your life, you need time to recover both physically and emotionally. If you want to get together in Brum, just let me know.