I feel so sad............

[Jazz187]

Hi

I feel so sad and upset

Situation is i havent seen my mum for nearly 8 months, and it upsets me so much.

I have left home 8 months ago to get married to my OH, which the family didnt approve of due to religion.
Since then, i have tried to go and see my mum (she has a form of dementia) so she is ill, and needs 24hr help so someone is always with her.

I have tried to make contact, but it gets thrown in my face, which upsets me. I know i did wrong the way i left but i had my reasons.

Now that im a mum i understand, why my mum was always on my back i wasnt the perfect child, and i want to make it up to her.

I dont even think my mum knows she is a grandma, the other week it was mothers day, and the day before it was my mums birthday. So i thought i would send her a card.
My sister wrote me a text saying, that i had no place in her mothers heart, and i mean nothing to my mum.

Dont know what to do
tried to go home, and they close the door in my face
tried to call, but dont answer my phone, if they know its me they will put the phone down
tried social services- even thats hard

what do i do now?

So sorry to carry on, but i had to pour my heart out

 

[emma1976]

Awww honey, I feel for you. My mum died when I was young but I can't imagine what it must be like to feel like that.

Can you write a letter to your sister or the family members that look after her, telling them how you feel? I'm sure as well that there is a place for you in your mums heart as well and that sounds like your sister just being down right nasty. You're her daughter and that unconditional love, we know that now, being mums.

Who is the one that looks after her the most, could you send them a letter, really pour your heart out to them, with photos of your daughter as that's not fair really to keep a grand child from your mum either.

I'm not really sure what else to suggest honey, unless you use force so they can't shut the door on you. Maybe visit your local CAB or a solicitor to see what rights you have. Surely you must be allowed to see your mum and if she has got a form of dementia then your family areb't allowed to run her life for her and keep you away surely.

Anyway, I just read your post and it's a difficult one and must be so painful. Try sending those sorts of things to your family members showing what your mum is missing out on. You can PM me if you like.

Sorry if I wasn't any help but felt for you.

Em xxxxxx

 

[lauramumof2]

this is maybe a bit harsh but i would be inclined to move on. If you have tried all avenues and you still cant get through then I think for your sake and your baby and new families sake that its time to stand back.
The sister sounds as though she is getting some pleasure from this.

I hope that doesnt sound too harsh but you beat yourself up over this for years and not get anywhere then you will have lost precious time with your daughter.

Take care
Laura

 

[Jazz187]

hi,

thanks 4 da reply

i would be inclined to move on

laura i have thought the same, as ive had enough, bt OH wont let me, hes determined for me 2 see my mum

see what happens is all that i can say

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

inm so sorry thats aweful, maybe try one more time with a letter as Emma says and see what comes out of that.
Good luck i hope it all works out for you .
Katrina

 

[Jazz187]

Hi Katrina

Yeah i will try again, but maybe later on, at the moment all i want to do is concentrate on Aleena, as i believe sometimes she can sense my pain.

Oh is really good, but sometimes i feel i cant talk to him, cos he gets really upset and blames himself for the situation.

Well its my bro birthday on the 24th and hes going to be 13, so im going to send him a card.

But along with the card, i may just put some pictures of Aleena.

I know its not right, but maybe they will see that this little girl has done nothing wrong.

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

i really hope everything turns out okay, and your little bro prob really misses you and would love to hear form you .
Its a great idea sending pics of Aleena and it is the right thing to do so dont stress over it.
*hugs* keep your chin up, it will all work out im sure.
Katrina

 

[melhoney]

Hi Jazz,

Well, I think I might understand your situation and your husband's point of view coz I was in his shoes, in a way!
7 years ago, I was in Pakistan, and met my husband there. he is a muslim, and I was not, but despite this, we fell in love, and to cut the story short, 2 years later, he joined me in France and we got married. BUT, his mum could not accept that her son would love and marry someone who 1) is not muslim 2) she has not chosen herself!
so my husband got rejected by his whole family, outcasted in a way.
Being a muslim, one of the most important belief is that you should always give the upmost respect to your parents, and in a way he broke that, for me! He took the step, but obviously was missing his mum, and was suffering from it! And I became very conscious about it and was feeling very guilty!!!!
I can tell you she is very stubborn, and refused any contact whatsoever with him, but he kept on trying.
I tried and give him as much support as I could, but my love could never replace mum's love. So, one day, we decided, he should travel back over there, and speak to his mum. He took his flight, without anyone in pakistan knowing he was coming, and forced his way in (well, his brother had always talked to him, but his mum locked herself in a room to avid him. He knew it was not going to be easy, so just kept on talking to her, for hours and hours across the door, and miracle, she opened the door, and they fell in each other's arms crying.
Although stubborn and harsh she had been, I can tell you now that she had been suffering A LOT about it.
2 years ago, she has even accepted me, and I have been able to go back to Pakistan, and am now full part of their family. And now, she is a very happy grandmother, who even is gonna come to look after Maheen when I go back to work in September!!!

Sorry, long sory, but all this to say there is hope, a mother cannot stop from loving her children, even if she seems harsh and stubborn.
Religion is another factor which can worsen the situation, whereas it should be there to help, but with the best of will, everything CAN work out.
Now, you need to make a decision, whether you want to get back to her or not, whatever it takes. It can be, and probably will be, very hard, but you can do it.
PM me if you need to talk at any point.

 

[Jazz187]

hi mel

wow, u have been though it.

i know my mum will always be by my side, but its my gran and sister i need to get through.
cos my mum is ill, shes always wiv someone, hence a brick wall

my gran and sis have put so much fear in my bro - hes only 12
that when i tried to see him after school, he saw me and ran for his life. that was so heart breaking.

girls thanks for the help, but mostly listening
i love Aleena and my OH, and they both mean the world to me,