How to teach a three months old to self settle?

[madmillie92]

I'd like to start off by saying I'm blessed to have a baby who sleeps so well and usually goes 8-12 hours through the night without a feed (my son was up every two hours till 6mo so Im thanking my lucky stars she not the same!)
However getting her to nap and sleep is another story and I have to bf and rock her for about 15-45 minutes in a dark room with white noise several times a day to get her to drift off.. I honestly wouldn't mind, I enjoy the cuddles, but it's not ideal for two reasons, 1— I also have a four year old who doesn't take well to the fact mummy's busy and decides to either get up to mischief while I'm gone or invade the room to ask for snacks/playtime etc and of course dd wakes up and it takes even longer to get her to settle, and 2- I'm fully aware of the four month sleep regression coming up (where babies start waking fully between sleep cycles) and I really don't want my perfectly sleeping through angel to start waking every two hours at night needing to be rocked and fed.. So I'd like to teach her to self settle, in an age appropriate way (no crying) as if I put her down awake at the moment she will protest loudly until I pick her up again.. Any tips or advice? Or am I asking for too much... Tia xxx

 

[snowbee]

I think at that age they are too young to even try and would guess if you tried you would all end up unhappy but I don't know for sure. I would have thought it would be easier to have easy to do activities at hand for the 4yo as they should be able to have a better understanding of why you are busy for a few minutes.

 

[madmillie92]

She is young.. But all the sleep advice on the Internet tells you you need to teach babies to self soothe.. But doesn't tell you how you're supposed to go about it! And unfortunately my son is extremely high energy and low attention span, it's a battle to get him to sit still when eating, hes never been able to even watch a whole TV programme as he gets detracted, doesn't even play with his toys on his own etc but that's a whole different story/battle 😂

 

[candymycandy]

It may take some effort but from memory... I would try and stop BFing and rocking to sleep. By all means do these first but (and I used to get sick of hearing this!) you have to put her down drowsy but awake. The white noise I think is fine but you could try some bum patting while she’s in her cot, has she got a cuddly toy? They need to associate the cot with sleep rather than boob/rocking and that’s the only way they’ll learn to self settle. So difficult I know as I’m currently guilty of BFing my lb (9 weeks old) to sleep as it’s so easy/quick with a toddler running round too but currently he naps in living room - I can’t disappear off either into bedroom for same reason as you so need to start taking my own advice soon! I would add that it still might be a wee bit young for SS so if it doesn’t work maybe try again in a while? Sorry if you know all this already!

 

[kirlou92]

My DD self soothed from birth and then it all went backwards at 3 months when she regressed early and then I regressed too and started swaddling and rocking which I did til she was 6 months. I waited til 6 months and then moved her into her own room and stopped swaddling and left her to fall asleep by herself a few nights. There were a few tears but she handled it really well and no problems since and she's now almost 16 months and sleeps well in the day and at night. I'm not a fan of cry it out, and said I'd never do it but I'm actually glad I tried it cuz it worked for us.

It's really difficult deciding what to do, you need to be comfortable with whatever you choose but there will always be some tears or moaning if you want your child to self soothe because it will always involve changing a part of the routine and babies don't always like change.

I would enjoy the cuddles a few more months and attempt it at 6 months +. The regression isn't always that bad at 4 months, she might sail through it!

 

[TORino]

Google - assisting to sleep method. A well known baby writer has a guide to doing it.

 

[kumber]

Sorry but 3 months and self-settling is far, far too young. My oldest two self-settled at 10 and 11 months respectively, both needed rocking for up to an hour at each sleep time. My youngest is 5 months and he likes to be lain next to. My oldest two are 2.5 and 3.5, and I'm able to leave them safely in the living room while I get their brother to sleep, I would not dream of trying to make him self settle at this age, never mind 3 months.

 

[WinterWolf]

I 100% agree with Kumber. I think you should be teaching your four year old self soothing. At four, he really should be able to understand that the baby needs attention too and he should be able to occupy himself for half an hour. 3 months is way too young for self soothing.

 

[madmillie92]

Thanks for your replies! It's so confusing all of the information out there.. Teach them to self soothe/don't reach them to self soothe... Beware the dreaded four month sleep regression when everything goes wrong, if they sleep badly its your fault for teaching them negative sleep associations but if your baby cries you have to respond so they're not pschologically damaged, put them in the cot drowsy but awake (which just pisses my dd off and I have to start all over again and she ends up overtired) ...so what to do?! For now I'm going to continue feeding and rocking and keep my fingers crossed she carries on sleeping well! Thanks again

 

[snowbee]

I don't think feeding to sleep is a problem so if it works do it. I'm not sure why people think it is wrong for a baby to feel comforted and safe.

 

[TORino]

If you want to try and get the baby to self settle then do it Hun. It’s your choice and your decision as a parent. If your 4 month old is able to wake and drift back off to sleep by herself afterwards then great. I don’t see any harm in trying to get her to do that in a gentle manner at all. And even if I did - she’s not my baby she’s yours so you should do what you think is right.

 

[candymycandy]

I agree with Torino, do whatever works best for you and your baby. That’s all any of us do since we are the only ones who have to look after our babies! x