* How Should I Handle This (Thanx Everyone..Update Page 2) *

[lfc_sarah]

I went for a meal with my best friend last night...

Shes a really good friend, known her since school..
She's been there for me through my pregnancy, bought loads for him already...
And i plan to make her my child godmother because i dont have a sister or anyone im closer too..

Last night she told me she was pregnant...
But shes not keeping the baby...

Shes always late with her period.. so didnt think anything of it, until her mum told her to do a test...
So she would be 6 weeks at least pregnant...

She's still with the babys dad and hes said he will support her whatever she decides...
Her family and his dont want her to abort, but its her decision...

They both knew there was a chance because theyve been unprotected a few times...
I understand she feels its not the right time or whatever..
And i understand that everyone has a right to do what they feel is the right decision for them...

But im against abortion...
And i wasnt sure how to react to what she told me.
It upset me actually...
Especialy as shes been really sick with it, and it reminded me of when i was sick...

Well today she asked me would i come with her to the appointment shes going to on Monday..
To find out about having an abortion..

And im not sure how to tell her i dont want to...
Without being a bad friend...

But i just cant bring myself to go to an abortion clinic, while ive got a baby growing inside me, who i love already..
And have done for a long time...

I know it seems bad.. buts its kind of changed my opinion of her a bit... and i dont want it to

Any help would be appreciated, sorry if ive rambled a bit...thanx xxx

 

[samandbump]

it does need to be her descision, i always say i am here for my mates whatever, but i dont think i could go to an abortion clinic with any of my friends, especially as i now have a beautiful baby boy, it just wouldnt seem right, what i would do is be a friend to them afterwards i would never say i agreed with what they have done is for the best but i wouldnt let it ruin our friendship, do what you feel is best for yourself

 

[Jade&Evie]

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. And so sorry she is as well. One of my friends had an abortion a few weeks ago and confided in me because she thought I would understand better than anyone. I didn't- I only considered an abortion for two seconds when I found out I was pregnant and I haven't looked back. I'm not anti abortion- I'm pro choice- but there's no way I can UNDERSTAND what convinces people to destroy something which could be so special.

If she aborts before 9 weeks it is much simpler than after 9 weeks- she will need to be approved by two doctors before she can go through with it. Maybe after talking to them she might change her mind.

I must admit, that when my friend told me the first thing I thought was 'Selfish Bitch' but after a few tears and some reflection I realised that everyone is different and I would rather a baby come into the world wanted and loved, than begrudged.

If you don't want to go to the clinic with her, DON'T. I wouldn't have gone- it's like asking a vegetarian to go into butchers- you just wouldn't do it!


I hope you AND your friend are ok

 

[MissSara]

I think the main thing to remember here is that she is your true friend and does need your support, but i feel that she turned to you without thinking about the position she is putting you in.

She needs you but like you i would also be uncomfortable with going to the clinic with her.
Is this 100% what she wants? if yes i guess the only thing you can do is return the friendship and be there for her.

 

[Sherlock]

I think yes she needs your support, but if you don't feel comfortable about going with her for her appointment then don't. She is probably totally unaware of how awkward a position she has put you in by asking you to go with her.

I'd explain your reasons, that as you are carrying your baby you just cannot face going in with her but will support her decision regardless. Hopefully she can ask someone else maybe her mother to go with?

Depending on how far along etc, there are different ways for her to end her pregnancy. They may give the medication that causes the baby to be lost. It may be a more clincial procedure.

I've been to a clinic with a friend who then had a termination. While they were considerate there it was a difficult thing to do and I was not pregnant at the time. I supported her before, during and after her termination. I held her hand while the Doctor terminated her baby and it was a very difficult thing to sit through. It certainly made me more aware of what it takes from a person going through one. Thankfully I am a strong minded person and was able to cope with it for her. I know your friend is not asking you to do this with her, but still, even sitting in a consult could be difficult and upsetting for you. I don't see how you could support her properly if you felt in any way distressed or upset.

I am pro choice but I would not, even for my best friend attend a termination clinic with them while I myself was pregnant. I'd hope my friend would understand and that while I supported them, I just could not physically do that at this stage in my life.

 

[Suzie and Faith]

I too am pro-choice but anti-abortion with regards to myself - as in i couldn't see myself ever having an abortion but i wouldn't judge someone else for having one and the option being there.

Try and explain to her that you can't cope with it with your LO inside you and going somewhere like that. Hopefully she'll understand as long as you explain that you aren't against her doing it, you just can't cope with being there.

 

[Lou]

Asking a pregnant lady to go to an abortion clinic is wrong and I don't think you should go.

Its hard not to judge people, especially friends, but we base friendships on things we like about people and peoples qualities. What you have to decide is how strongly you feel about this and how this will effect your friendship. Maybe talk some more about it with her and let her explain, if you know her aswell as you say you do then who knows, you may just understand I cut off my best friend because she was doing something I just couldn't accept. We had been friends since playgroup and it was a tough decision but you have to be true to yourself sometimes.

Good luck whatever you decide

 

[Krystal]

I personally wouldn't go, i'm afraid there a very few circumstances where I could ever support someone through abortion (rape/medical reasons) I would never judge someone for their decision but I wouldn't offer my support in terms of going with them. I am against it and could never do it. I understand people have these thoughts when they first find out, in fact I did but I can never get my mind around actually doing it.

You sound very close to your friend, firstly i'd try and sit down with her and talk to her about her decision, you don't have to preach but make sure she understands that once its done there is no going back, if she is confident this is definately the right decision just explain that you love her and will always be there for her but you cannot go with her to the clinic. I'm sure she will understand

 

[jenna]

It has to be her choice wether or not to have it done but if you dont feel right to go with her then dont. Just explain that you dont feel comfortable with going and maybe try and find some one else that can go with her?

 

[Red_Fairy]

to be perfectly honest YOU should NOT go to the clinic at all. A heavely pregnant woman in an abortion clinic isnt exactly 'appropriate' -(i guess you are showing alot by now?) Ive been in one of these clinics (i was for a dating scan and discussions, i didnt go through with it obv) and it was a horrible experience...i dont think people making one of the hardest decisions of there life would appriciate a pregnant 'glowing' women next to them.

Explain that you'll support her whatever her decision. And do so, but explain that going the clinic is too much, your feeling abit emotional and say that its inappropriate for you to be there really. Im sure she would understand.

 

[abcd1234]

I dont think i could go to an abortion clinic with someone. I am technically pro-choice but i do feel that if you got pregnant outta your own actions i.e not rape or on pill then you should take responsibility. It's what i did, and i knew i loved my baby even when she was only a little bean inside me.

It is her choice though, and my friend got pregnant the same time as me and didnt know if she wanted to keep the baby or not, it was hard for me but i had to support her whatever she decided, even though i found it so easy to decide.

Another friend completely broke contact with another girl cos she hadan abortion, she says she's so against them that she couldnt be around her anymore. However this girl did mess around and end up having a late abortion so i dont know if that was part of it

 

[MissThing]

Oh, hun. That is horrible. I think it depends on you. How do you feel about it.
I am absolutely pro-choise, and there are very very few times when id support abortion. I just think, especially now, after having a baby, that it is simply a murder. Knowing, that by 6 weeks they have hearbeat and are almoust formed little babies... We all know, that unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy, so intentionally having sex, knowing what it can lead to and then not to deal with consequenses (sp?) I just just think its a murder.

My best friend had an abortion, I wasnt pregnant then, but I can never look the same at her. (I was telling her numerous times beforehand that she HAS to use condoms, HAS to go on a pill, but...she never lisened. I call that a total stupidity)

Have you tired talking to her? Make her change her mind?

I just think, there is not much support for women, who are in doubts. (I was planning this baby for so long, and was absolutely extatic when I went to see a GP, her (and it was a woman!) first question was am I going to keep a baby???! ) Try to talk to her, tell her what you know about babies at that stage.

In the end it will be hers decision, but, if you feel strongly about anti-abortions, I would tell her what do you think. At least you will be in peace with yourself

 

[Penstraze]

to be perfectly honest YOU should NOT go to the clinic at all. A heavely pregnant woman in an abortion clinic isnt exactly 'appropriate' -(i guess you are showing alot by now?) Ive been in one of these clinics (i was for a dating scan and discussions, i didnt go through with it obv) and it was a horrible experience...i dont think people making one of the hardest decisions of there life would appriciate a pregnant 'glowing' women next to them.

Explain that you'll support her whatever her decision. And do so, but explain that going the clinic is too much, your feeling abit emotional and say that its inappropriate for you to be there really. Im sure she would understand.

I agree with this many people make the decision to have an abortion because they believe it is the right one, it is a very difficult decission and having to see someone heavily pregnant in the waiting room on an already difficult day would be awful, I also think it would feel awful for you! I couldn't have an abortion myself but would never judge someone elses decission to have an abortion they know themselves their situation and life and if they could deal with a baby and all the responsiblity it brings I think its beter for someone to abort at 6 weeks then have a child they don't want who grows up neglected if only of love or worse still abused, motherhood isn't for everyone!

I think like everyone else has said be suportive of your friend but tell her that she is asking too much of you and will have to ask someone else to go with her and you don't feel comfortable with it given the circumstances!

 

[Melly+2]

Dont go hun, i dont agree with having abortions myself and would never have one and tbh lets hopes she decides to use protection next time, there are people all over the world who would love to hav that baby

 

[abcd1234]

I find it wierd i never once considered all the other people in there having abortions and them seeing oyur bump I guess its jsut my outlook on it, i dont agree with it so i guessi dont consider their view automatically

 

[dannii87]

Awww hun... Bless you Abortion is such a strong subject that obviously people are going to have different views on it. As much as you need to understand WHY she is thinking about abortion, she needs to understand WHY you are so against it - so it's a two way thing.

It wouldn't hurt anyone to voice your opinion (nicely) and say that you can't help but not like the decision, that you still love her and think she's great, but that you can't be her rock because she'll need someone with her who can support her, and in this decision, you can't play a supportive role with your views as they are (which I think is fine!!)

Hope she doesn't regret it if she goes through with it though, that would be devastating xxx

 

[nickilubs]

I agree with what has been said on this thread too. I think if this is not something that you feel comfortable with and would feel even the slightest bit uneasy then don't do it.

It is a whole load of mixed emotions when you are pregnant I can only really explain this in the way as to how I would feel if my friend asked me to go with her and for me to be sat knowing that my friend would be making a life and death decision and expecting me to help her choose I couldn't do it. For your own sake you need to make it perfectly clear that yes she is your best friend and yes you love her very much and you will be there for her but you personally do not agree with abortion for your own reasons and you don't want any part in what she chooses.......sometimes you have to be selfish.

I think my reasoning is that If you have unprotected sex then in my mind if you do get pregnant then it was a decision you have already made. I feel abortion is something that is acceptable in certain situations. But having unprotected sex and then using abortion as a get out cause when you do get pregnant is not one of them.

 

[dannii87]

I think my reasoning is that If you have unprotected sex then in my mind if you do get pregnant then it was a decision you have already made. I feel abortion is something that is acceptable in certain situations. But having unprotected sex and then using abortion as a get out cause when you do get pregnant is not one of them.

I agree... It's not a form of contraception... x

 

[NickyB]

It sounds an unfortunate position for you both to be in. I think ultimately that the choice is hers, and I hope it doesn't change your opinion of her as she'll probably need your support. However, I also think if you have a problem going with her for the appointment she should respect that, and like others have said, having a heavily pregnant woman in an abortion clinic seems insensitive.

 

[zebrastripes]

if you don't want to upset her or disappoint her, just say that you don't think it would be fair on others at the clinic...it is inappropriate tbh,I suppose in a way it's nice that she trusts you so much and all, but really, you're pregnant...not a good idea!