How can I tell my mum? :(

[LucyB.]

Right from the start of my pregnancy my mum has presumed I would want her in at the birth as well as my boyfriend and I've never really thought about it too much so just agreed and left it at that. Now it's getting closer though I'm thinking maybe I just want the birth to be a special moment between me and my boyfriend.

My mum is the nicest person ever, I love her to bits. She's so caring but sometimes she can be a bit over powering without realising, like take control, for example moaning at me and my boyfriend when we stay up late cos the baby won't be in a routine?! Lol, she means well but this really gets to my boyfriend. He loves her just as much as I do but he says he's worried about being second best at the birth if my mum comes in too.

I just want it to be me and my boyfriend so we can hold our baby before anyone else and share the special moment together but I know my mum will be absolutely beyond gutted as she has had her heart set on coming in, even of we explained to her that she may be a bit overpowering so we'd like to be alone she'd be even more upset so I dont know what to do any suggestions on how to tell her? Last thing I want to do is hurt my mums feelings after she's been so good to me and my boyfriend throughout our pregnancy.

Ps I'm only 18 so I guess she still sees me as her baby.

Sorry for the long post but I'm just worried about upsetting her xxxxx

 

[TORino]

I didn't want my mum there at the birth.

I was adamant it was just going to be me and hubby.

What happened in the end was she was so worried about me she got on hubby's nerves texting every 5 mins and hubby needed some support himself as my labour lasted days do she came in to keep him company.

I made her leave when I started pushing and she never came to theatre or saw the baby born but I think it helped my oh that she was there more than me tbh.

What I would say is, if she is not likely to calm you down and reassure you then you should avoid having her there, I'd it is going to make you in any way stressed then it could slow your labour down and you don't want that.

My mum is a stress head and she was making comments and getting angry at the mws and docs for leaving me labour for so long and not letting them do their job so I get cross at her.

 

[Kirsty.Y.84]

Could you maybe suggest that she is there but not for the whole thing? Like Torino said, maybe for the labour but not for the birth? That way, once bubba is here, and you and your other half have shared the first minutes together, she can then come in? xx

 

[EmmaN27]

If you and your OH don't want her then I would just explain to her that you want to do it just the two of you, nothing against her and that she can go up and see baby as soon as he is born. I'm sure she will understand.

I wasn't going to have my mum there but my OH said he would like her there for support as it is our first baby so I have now asked her to be there with us. She assumed that it would just be me and OH and didn't expect to be asked but is very happy to have been asked.

Hope it all works out for you.

x

 

[Karate Kid]

I have an interesting relationship with my mum.... I love her to bits but she is very opinionated and can be pushy. I know my mum want's to be in the delivery suite with me but I can't deal with her sometimes and I know she will stress me out....

Initially when it came up in conversation I said 'we will see how it goes'. We had a conversation about how my MIL was at my nieces birth and it was clear my mum was asking for clarification on weather or not she would be at our LO's bith. I explained that I only wanted hubby there and that I didn't want any added stress, she was disapointed but didn't say anything.

The only thing you can do hun is be open and honest about what you and your OH want.... your mum will eventually understand and respect your decision xx

 

[kaz1983]

Like others have said if it would stress you out perhaps best not to have your mum actually in with you. Perhaps she could be in the vicinity of the hospital so she can be with you as soon as you want her there after the nirth

That conversation has never came up with either my mum or hubbys mum but it will just be hubby and I at the birth but I do want mine and hubbys immediate family to be the first visitors we have so they best be prepared to come in at any hour of the day or night lol xx

 

[barbi3]

hi
i agree you should let your mum know how you feel.when i had my 1st daughter i was 18 and my mum assumed she would be in the room with me and my oh i never had the heart to say no and she was with me ,which by the time i was in labour i did'nt mind this time though i have told her it will ONLY be me and oh as we want to try it on our own as last time we never ,she has been fine about it though,but i do think when they know im in labour my mum and sisters will come running to the hospital lol x

 

[CARNAT22]

My sister had my Mum at both her labours, I think they all assume I'll want her there with mine!!

No way Jose - I am banning all family from the hospital until bub is safely here.

I feel very strongly that it is something very private and personal for me and OH!

Lucy, can you not suggest to your Mum that she comes for the early stages and maybe leaves you both to it when things get going?

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[lyndsey_28]

hey hun

i totally sympathise with you as i lve my mom to bits too and can be really overbearing at times!! she wanted to be there with my first and even came to the hosp during the induction process asking if she could stay but i said no and i ended up with a c-section anyways so she wasnt allowed in so that was all good she asked with my 2nd and i said no but lucky for me she lives a 20 min ride away so when i went into labour in middle of the nite she couldnt get here anyways as she couldnt drive

i told her no this time around and she kept asking why and i just explained that i think its a moment that should be shared with me and my partner only we created this baby and wanted it to be our moment, she accepted in the end although kept saying i wil be at the hospital and support you all the way!! she was there but went home 2 hours prior to the birth as the staff said i werent in labour so lucky me again!!

i think she should explain the reasons to ur mom in the nicest way possible and tell her she can be in the waiting area and come in atter but not during the birth!! surely she will appreciate that if not ask who suppported her in her labours as my mom didnt really wanna answer that!! as she only had my dad and no one else!! good luck telling her xxx

 

[LucyB.]

thanks for all ur suggestions, im starting to feel a bit easier and gunna have a chat with her tonight. i know she'll be upset and i just dont want to see the disappointed look on her face.

my argument is that me and OH live with my mum and dad so shes going to be there alot so i want the birth to just be me and him as its soo special. he agrees but doesnt want to see her upset either. im just going to say i want her to be the 1st in after hes born but not during because its mine and my OH's moment! i hope she doesnt play the guilt card lol xxxxx thank u all so much for ur replies xxxxx