Hi

[Teri Fied]

I'm not quite sure the introduction forum is quite the place to 'bare my soul' but I didn't know where else to put my story and i'm too tired to try and figure it out so if a mod thinks this is better placed elsewhere then please move it.

I haven't yet taken the test to confirm i'm pregnant but I'm fairly certain it's a technicality. I think I'm 5 weeks pregnant. I know thousands of women would be delighted to know this and I always dreamed I would be too. I know the time will never be right per se to have children but now is definitely not the time at all

I'll be graduating in the summer but my boyfriend is only in year 4 of a 5 year medical degree - yes I know we should both know better but I'm on the pill, had antibiotics, were using condoms but one split - not sure how much luck has to do with life but I think I was at the back of the queue that day!

I've been with my boyfriend since last summer and can honestly say i'd cheerfully spend the rest of my life with him. I want to be excited that I'm pregnant but I just can't be. Boyf has a lot of hard work to do over the next three years and bringing up a child will make that ten times as difficult. I dont want him to not complete his dream of becomming a doctor.

Abortion is not a consideration nor is giving my child up. I've not told boyf yet because I've not confirmed the pregnancy with a test (I'm going to do that tomorrow). I had an extremely bad experience in my past with regards to a domestic violence incident which resulted in me losing an unborn. The precursor to this was telling my then partner (not my current) that I was pregnant. I thought I had gotten over it but the flash backs I've had the last two weeks have been horrendous. I never dreamt in a million years that my ex would be capable of doing such a thing but he did. I don't think my current boyf would do such a thing either but once bitten twice shy.

I feel so down about this and can't talk to my family about it because they didn't know about my first pregnancy ending so disasterously.

I want to tell my boyf but I don't, I'm frightened the response will be the same although I know that's an irrational thought because he's not the same person, I also know that it's completely the wrong time for him and his career.

My head feels like it's going to burst, I can't concentrate and it seems that every advert break on tv has something baby related on it which isn't helping.

For myself I'll have the qualification to have a career but having a family is important for me too. I'm fully prepared to bring the baby up on my own but I'd far prefer to bring it up with it's father. I just can't see how this is going to happen.

Thanks for reading. It has helped just to write this down. I'm not expecting any replies as I know the answer is to talk to boyf and I just need to get on with it and do it.

*sigh*
If there's a hard way to do things I'll find it

 

[dannii87]

Hello

Firstly, welcome to the forum. You're definitely in the right place to vent your concerns - there's a lot of that going on here and it is a huge help to talk to other women in the same position.

Secondly, please do not worry so much until you have the pregancy confirmed. Although you're pretty sure you are (and you probably are) there is a small chance you might not be. So like you said, I'd leave it until it's been confirmed

I am so so sorry to hear about your previous experience. Sounds awful and can't imagine how you are feeling now. Big hugs to you for getting through that

Finally, I am going to be a single mum and found my support and strength through joining this forum - now I can't wait for the exciting journey ahead of me!

I think you are assuming the worst though, that your partner will find this bad timing and might not be happy about the news etc, he might suprise you and decide it's perfect timing! That would be fantastic!

As for you, try not to think negatively (although difficult, I know, I've been through all this too when my fiance left me).

If you join the First Tri girls (I'm in there too ) there's lots of women on there who can offer support and advice. Also, single and pregnant might be an option to hear how our partners took the news? Might be a bad idea actually until you know how your partner will react.

Basically, this isn't you letting him down, this is just a real off chance (and a rare happening!) Neither of you expected this so you're together on that.

I fell pregnant whilst on the pill and antibiotics too. I was probably as suprised as you are when the nurse said I was pregnant!

I would say to get down the pharmacy tomorrow morning, do the test and spend the evening tomorrow talking with your partner.

Good luck with everything, I hope everything works out for both you and your partner and if you need anything, please feel free to PM me I'm nocturnal at the moment!!

xxx

 

[Geordie&Bairn]

Ah hun
i am so sorry to read what you have been through in the past
have some hugs from me
i dont think i could put it any better the Dannii so i'll say everything of the above
do a test first let it sink in if you our preggers then tell your boyfriend.
hope everything goes ok

Lol Sarah

 

[Krystal]

I'm sorry for everything you have been through in the past, it sounds like a terrible experience and it's not surprising you have concerns now even if you do know they aren't rational.

First thing first... do a test, even though you 'know' there is no point worrying yourself when you don't know for definate.

If the test does show a positive result then you can start considering your next move. If you scared of telling your boyfriend face to face because of what happened with your ex have you thought about writing him a letter. You can explain everything including your pregnancy, I know it's not the normal way to do things but at least it takes the worry away of how he would react. You could write in the letter that you would ike him to call you after to talk things through then once your confident that the reaction is nothing like your ex you could meet up.

Whatever you do.. good luck

 

[Teri Fied]

Thanks folks.

Test today proved positive. Have spent the entire day crying.

I feel as if everything is happening in slow motion, or like I'm watching things happen from the corner of the room.

This wasn't the start i wanted for my child it's not supposed to happen like this

I'm going to tall boyf tomorrow, I asked him not to come round today saying I was tired, I wanted to try to get my head round this before I speak to him but I don't think that is going to happen so I'll tell him tomorrow.

I feel sick

 

[dannii87]

Hi again,

I feel so bad for you, have a hug - but please remember, if you are keen to keep the baby whatever the circumstances, then bringing a little life into the world is definitely not the worst thing that could happen!

Think of it as bad timing?! When is the right time though?! I'm 20, live at home and my OH proposed Xmas day after us knowing for a week and then decided to leave three days later never to return! I'm smiling through it and do you know why? Genuinely, because of this forum...

...You WILL get through this. If you decide not to keep the baby then it might alter your relationship slightly, if you decide to keep it, then it may alter your relationship slightly! Whatever happens, you are in this situation now and you can only take one step at a time.

You've done the first step, pregnancy confirmed. The second is to speak to your OH and that is tomorrow. Do you think he suspects anything? How old are you? (Sorry if that's rude, tell me to mind my own business!)

Like I said before though hun, he might think this is fab news!

I really hope everything goes ok for you, have a flick through the forum and see what's going on, you might feel more positive after that.

Thinking of you, and will be tomorrow as well

xxx

 

[cinnamon81]

hello and welcome

sorry you're feeling so worried about everything. Theres never a right time to have a baby, and you know that deep down you want this baby, even if theres a lot to consider.

If your boyfriend loves you and wants to be with you, that won't change just because your pregnant (please don't think the worst because of your ex). It will come as a shock to him and may take a while for things to sink in though so even if you can sit down and tell him, and let him know how you feel, then step back and give him time for him to consider his feelings. I think my OH took about a fortnight to accept he was gfoing to be a dad (was unplanned - on pill and antibiotics too) but once it sunk in and he was able to think about it he was chuffed.

Even if your boyfriend can't accept it and runs away - well many people manage just great on their own - theres a lot of help and support out there

 

[Tegala-7thMarch08]

welcome

and congrats on the pregnancy... i no its not what you had planned but its a lil mirical so i have to congratulate u