Help needed regarding my DD's eating

[ClaireJ]

Hi all.

My eldest daughter Ellie has recently turned 9, she's neither a baby nor a toddler but I thought posting in this section would get some more responses.

Basically, since she was about 3, Ellie has been a terrible eater. When I say terrible, I mean it. Every meal is a battle ending in tears ocassionally from both myself and Ellie. She simply won't eat.
She is very underweight but dances a lot so muscle has built up in her body causing her to "feel heavy".

6 years on we've made no progress as far as her eating is concerned. The only food she will eat is:
- Meat
- Bananas at a push
- Bread also at push
- Chocolates & sweets; lots of it
- Yoghurts yet again at a push. Also, only apricot flavour
- Peas

This is about eat. She simply will not eat. No matter what we have tried she will not eat. Everyday she comes home with her lunchbox as empty as it was when I sent her to school.

I believe she is developing an eating disorder or possibly already developed one. As I said, she is very underweight but because she dances a lot muscle has built up. She now looks at herself in the mirror and says that shes fat when she is severly far from it.

It makes me want to cry. Neither myself nor my DH have run out of things to do with her. Where can we possibly go from this?

 

[babynumbertwo]

Hi
Have you spoken to your GP.
In our area there is a team of children's mental health nurses. My friends daughter was referred with what sounds like a similar problem. Maybe the first step would be to discuss what options would be appropriate for you with your doctor. Sorry to not have more suggestions. I've no experience of this myself but I hope you get it sorted out x

 

[sarah2807]

I don't have any experience with this sort of thing, but it definately sounds like something you should mention to your Gp who can hopefully refer her for some help. Hope you get it sorted...it sounds very stressful.

 

[ClaireJ]

Thanks for the responses ladies.

Both myself and DH have been to the doctors with Ellie countless times. We've also seen seperate doctors within our surgery and they've all said things to the effect of "it's just a phase" and "if she's not hungry then it's fine."
We've requested to be referred to profession dieticians regarding this major problem but the doctors are no help what so ever.

It doesn't help that 3 year old DD Lydia eats all types of food and every meal winds Ellie up about her eating habits.

We have tried cooking her things we know she doesn't eat in the hope that she will contemplate eating it. For about 5 days we gave her dinner consisting of a couple of bananas, a load of yoghurts along with a couple of bits of the minimal food she eats but she wouldn't eat that either.

Up until the age of 3 she ate everything. We're praying that DD2 Lydia [now aged 3] doesn't go the same way Ellie has.

 

[Sammystar]

this sounds like a complete nightmare. My two year old son is refusing point blank to eat at the moment but I can't imagine how I'd feel it if went on for years!

Short of demanding professional psychiatric help, I would be tempted to go for some reverse psychology. It seems you've fallen into a pattern which needs to be broken. There has been such a huge 'issue' built up around food and mealtimes it seems that the cycle is going to be difficult to break.

I would try to simply ignore her problem for the time being. Just don't offer her any food. If you are cooking a meal, lay a place for her at the table, then ask her if she wishes to eat, if she says no, don't make an issue of it. Tell her to go to her room whilst you sit down for your family meal. By making a big issue of it you're giving her attention and it seems to me that withdrawing this attention is the only way to overcome it.

Fill the fridge with lovely, tasty, nutritious foods. Maybe even order a couple of take aways as a special treat. Offer it to her but don't try to force her to accept. Maybe after a while she'll see she's no longer getting into a fight every meal time and will start to overcome her problem.

Obviously I'm no expert so I have no idea if this would work, but it's worth a go, otherwise she's going to end up making herself really ill (and you as well!)

Good luck

 

[ClaireJ]

We will definitely try the reverse psychology on her.

We've told DD2 Lydia not to provoke anything with Ellie and we have been doing so for many months now but that's also like banging our heads against a brick wall!

Oh daughters, what are they like?

 

[mumtotwo]

If you're not happy with your GP, have you thought about your school nurse. They could maybe offer you some support and refer you onwards if they thought it was necessary. Good luck x

 

[*Star*]

i think reverse psychology is definatly the way to go. anything is worth a try!!

it does sound like attention to me too, but im no psychologist. but your right in wanting to sort this out. IF it is a habit, then it needs to be broken quickly

 

[Babylicious]

i think reverse psychology is definatly the way to go. anything is worth a try!!

it does sound like attention to me too, but im no psychologist. but your right in wanting to sort this out. IF it is a habit, then it needs to be broken quickly

I agree

 

[ClaireJ]

i think reverse psychology is definatly the way to go. anything is worth a try!!

it does sound like attention to me too, but im no psychologist. but your right in wanting to sort this out. IF it is a habit, then it needs to be broken quickly

Ellie is very much an attention seeker, I'm not going to lie. It's horrible having to say that about my own daughter but there's no use hiding it because we're not going to overcome this problem without facing facts.

We're going to contact our doctors again and ask to be referred to a dietician again. We're going to put our foot down this time because Ellie is now 9 and eats such little food she cannot go on living like this.

 

[*Star*]

i can't imagine. it must be so hard.

id go in there and tell the dr your not leaving until they refer you on to someone else.

i really hope they can help quickly.

 

[ClaireJ]

Ellie ate a strawberry yoghurt today for the first time!!!You have no idea how proud of her I am!!

It probably sounds stupid to the rest of you but we're finally getting somewhere regarding her eating.

 

[Magic Monkey]

That is fantastic!

There was a programme on TV a while ago called my child won't eat, that studied lots of children who were very similar to your daughter. The doctor on it was called Gillian Harris, and she was at Birmingham Children's hospital, but she treated children from all over the country - it may be worth looking into contacting her clinic to see if you could be referred there. She made huge progress with all the children who nothing had worked for in the past.

 

[*Star*]

yeah that's great!!!

it doesn't matter how small a step it is - it's a step in the right direction!

just out of curiosity - how did you manage to persuade her to try it?

 

[ClaireJ]

That is fantastic!

There was a programme on TV a while ago called my child won't eat, that studied lots of children who were very similar to your daughter. The doctor on it was called Gillian Harris, and she was at Birmingham Children's hospital, but she treated children from all over the country - it may be worth looking into contacting her clinic to see if you could be referred there. She made huge progress with all the children who nothing had worked for in the past.

We will definitley look into her clinic. Birmingham isn't too far away from us either, only about a 3 hour drive so it's not too hard to go there. Thanks for telling me about her.

yeah that's great!!!

it doesn't matter how small a step it is - it's a step in the right direction!

just out of curiosity - how did you manage to persuade her to try it?

Actually, DD Lydia managed to get her to eat it! I was amazed!
I was preparing the girls' lunches yesterday and I took two yoghurts from the fridge; a strawberry for Diddy and an apricot for Bear. I pealed off the 'lids' to the yoghurts and put them on the work top. Pesky little Diddy took the lids back and swapped them so the apricot lid was covering the strawberry yoghurt. As Ellie wasn't in the room, she showed me what she had done so I smiled and said hopefully she'll eat it.

Ellie took the lid off and without hesistating dug her spoon into the yoghurt. After she'd eaten it, she said "that was a nice apricot mummy". Lydia then shouted out "it was strawberry, it was a strawberry!" Ellie then shrugged her shoulders and said it was nice and she'd like another one!

Who would've thought my 3 year old would've helped us all along?

 

[*Star*]

aw that's fantastic! what a great idea from her!

maybe you could work on it. if she's had one thing she 'thought' she didnt like, maybe she will be more willing to try something she does.

 

[ClaireJ]

aw that's fantastic! what a great idea from her!

maybe you could work on it. if she's had one thing she 'thought' she didnt like, maybe she will be more willing to try something she does.

Tell me about it; I never could have thought of that one!

Ellie says she is up for trying some new things so hopefully this is the start of something great.
My niece Molly is coming over today and she is fantastic with the girls so hopefully Molly can persuade Ellie to try something else new.

I will report back later!

 

[*Star*]

who would have thought a 3 year old could work wonders!

im really pleased things seem to be looking up.

you could maybe ask her which foods she's wanted to have, but shes never had because she doesnt like them. you could make say, saturday a day for trying one new thing. that way, she doesnt feel overwealmed that by her inadvertanly (sp) trying something new, its set up a precident for lots of new food being 'forced' at her.

keep the rest of the week with her having the normal stuff that she has, and then you/she can decide what to try on the saturday.

it sounds like she really does want to try new things. hopefully, this is the first step

 

[ClaireJ]

who would have thought a 3 year old could work wonders!

im really pleased things seem to be looking up.

you could maybe ask her which foods she's wanted to have, but shes never had because she doesnt like them. you could make say, saturday a day for trying one new thing. that way, she doesnt feel overwealmed that by her inadvertanly (sp) trying something new, its set up a precident for lots of new food being 'forced' at her.

keep the rest of the week with her having the normal stuff that she has, and then you/she can decide what to try on the saturday.

it sounds like she really does want to try new things. hopefully, this is the first step

It seems that 15 year olds can too work wonders!

As I said, my niece Molly was coming over today and she somehow got Ellie to try some new foods. She didn't even need to do any major persuading; all she did was ask Ellie to bite it and she did! Today, she managed to pluck up the courage to try -

apple, some cheese, a small bowl of cereal and a breadstick!

Finally we're getting somewhere. She liked all except for the breadstick, she said it was too dry so Molly suggested trying it with the philidelphia style cream cheese so I'm going to buy some tomorrow