Friends Again *update*

[Kloe]

Hey Ladies,

So good news, we talked it out and we are going to see how things go, I'm obviously really happy, she's even said we could still stay with her.

I'd like to thank you all for your advice, you've all been really healpful x

 

[Roo3]

To be honest, I can totally understand why you would decide to put ttc on hold if you are planning on going to Australia, but don't really understand why your friend shouldn't ttc if she wants to.
I can't understand why it's so important to you that you both ttc at the same time. In my opinion it's a deal that should be between the couple not two friends.
It all seems very childish that she's deleting Facebook etc to be honest with you. I wouldn't waste my time with someone like that. But also quite childish to have a deal to ttc at the same time as your friend.
If a baby is what you really want you would ttc whenever you and your partner wanted to, not when a deal you have with your friend tells you you can.
Sorry if that's a bit harsh but it's my opinion.

 

[Kloe]

Well the reason we agreed not to TTC is so that we could go out a do stuff, like go to theme parks, get matching tattoos and various other things, which are much to dangerous to do if you're pregnant. I would of been staying with her for a month too, and I'd feel guilty about it.

EDIT: Oh and she is the one that suggested to start trying after my visit, she had this idea of us both getting pregnant at the same time and raising our kids together.

 

[diane]

If I'm being honest I think it's really strange to have a deal like this. Sounds very childish. She can ttc when she wants to, as should you. Don't base massive life decisions like this on what other people are doing; base it on what you and your partner want, and ttc when you're ready (financially and mentally). If your friend feels she is ready now then she's ready now.

 

[Rednursie]

Sorry if Ive misunderstood this but My understanding here is that you've made a pact with your friend about TTC? To be honest, that is a little strange. TTC is something that should be decided between couples, I'm not sure How I could ever have a third person involved in such a decision? I really don't know what to suggest about how to proceed to be honest, I think you've don't what you can with the apology. I don't think either of you should've answering to anyone other than your partners about your TTC feelings.

 

[Roo3]

I understand that but you could have done other stuff if you were both pregnant at the time. I'm just saying I wouldn't base my decision to have a baby on whether my BFF was doing it to regardless of what plans I had in place prior to making the decision.

 

[Kloe]

That's the problem, I want a baby more than I could ever express with words and it was all her idea, so like a fool I went on the pill because her friendship means that much to me. I'm a bit of a loner (from choice) and she's about the only person that understands me, even my OH doesn't get me like she does, we are more like sisters. I guess its the price you pay for being ignorant.

 

[kinkers]

I agree that the deal should have been with your partners and not with each other? Does it matter if you go through pregnancy at the same time and bring up your kids together when you are at opposite ends of the world and you're never going to be able to do things together? I can't really comprehend that... and I can't really offer you advice but I do think that you've sent her a card and that the ball's in her court now. If she wants your friendship to continue she'll be in touch.

 

[Roo3]

If you really want a baby come off the pill and crack on with ttc. If she's going to behave do childishly I personally wouldn't want her as a friend.
I had a best friend who was like a sister to me, but since I had lo we've drifted apart as our lives are totally different now. It's a sad fact of life that friendships change as people change.

 

[kinkers]

That's the problem, I want a baby more than I could ever express with words and it was all her idea, so like a fool I went on the pill because her friendship means that much to me. I'm a bit of a loner (from choice) and she's about the only person that understands me, even my OH doesn't get me like she does, we are more like sisters. I guess its the price you pay for being ignorant.

Friendship is also a relationship that works with honesty. Would your friendship have been over if you had said to her that actually, no, you wanted to start TTC and you weren't going to plan your life so it all worked alongside hers... if so, she's not a friend. Please think about YOU, and think about YOUR life and what you want, don't ever feel like you have to make massive decisions like that in order to keep a friendship. If you want a baby, try for a baby, your friend should be happy to support you with that.

 

[Roo3]

That's the problem, I want a baby more than I could ever express with words and it was all her idea, so like a fool I went on the pill because her friendship means that much to me. I'm a bit of a loner (from choice) and she's about the only person that understands me, even my OH doesn't get me like she does, we are more like sisters. I guess its the price you pay for being ignorant.

Friendship is also a relationship that works with honesty. Would your friendship have been over if you had said to her that actually, no, you wanted to start TTC and you weren't going to plan your life so it all worked alongside hers... if so, she's not a friend. Please think about YOU, and think about YOUR life and what you want, don't ever feel like you have to make massive decisions like that in order to keep a friendship. If you want a baby, try for a baby, your friend should be happy to support you with that.

Exactly what I was trying to say but put so much better!!!

 

[Kloe]

Well we have a weird relationship anyway, and I do plan to move to Australia soon also but that's not the point.

Its a little too late for me now as the flights are booked, I don't want to risk being 3 - 4 months pregnant on such a long flight, baby comes first and I spent all the money I have just to go.

Well she's the one that has ended the friendship, I know it was stupid of me to put my life on pause because of her. I just felt so depressed still from my loss, so I just went with the deal, and its hurts twice as much because now I still wont have a baby or my friend.

 

[Muguboo]

What deal has she backed out of if you have been ttc for a year? I think you shouldn't have made it about her illness as she probably already has all sorts of concerns about that and doesn't need someone bringing it up in what sounds like a bitter way. However she entirely overreacted and I imagine that has more to do with her own concerns than what you said.

If you want to try and save the friendship I would re-friend her on Facebook with a really grovelly message - if she's stubborn there's no point trying to get her to see your point if view - just accept all responsibility, say you shouldn't have been so mean and yiu were just upset (doesn't matter if you don't entirely mean it if you consider the friendship more important). Say you're happy for her and are always there for her if she needs someone to talk to.

And I agree with above posters - don't base when you have a kid on something like when a friend does - any time on here will let you know that's not how getting preggers works and even if you had both waited one of you would very likely have ended up upset anyway.

 

[Kloe]

Well I know it probably wasn't the best way of putting it, but I said it because I care, I don't want anything to happen to her or the baby, she's a lot younger then me and she probably wont tell her mum either (But that's totally up to her) but I wan't to be there for her.

I will leave it for a maybe a week trying to re-add her, she tends to get annoyed at things like that lol

I know that now, it was really stupid, wont be making the same mistake again, that's for sure!