First time mummy blues..

[JulyBug]

Hi ladies,

So I guess I'm just looking for somewhere to air my feelings.. I had my little boy over two weeks ago now, it was a very traumatic birth with no pain relief (due to lots of complications) which resulted in a forceps delivery and a episiotomy.. I was then back and forth to the hospital in the first week as I'd had an dural rupture through a failed epidural.. so my first week as a new mummy was very very hectic.. I felt like I was failing him already as I had barely seen him and when I did I just couldn't deal with it and I didn't want to deal with it, I had severe headaches and backaches and just wanted to sleep..

Now fingers crossed I'm physically on the mend and just dealing with a little bit of pain from the stitches but still feeling very down.. I don't feel like myself at all and just feel really insecure and incapable of taking care of a baby.. of course I can and I do but I can't help but resent him, my OH and everyone else.. even though my OH helps as much as he can I hate it when he goes to work and i feel very alone and cry most days.

I'm not someone who deals with change very well anyway so I think thats my main issue.. of course having a baby is a life changing event so it's no surprise it's thrown me so much but is it normal to feel so low and resentful? I feel awful feeling like this and just want to feel confident in looking after my baby.. I'm struggling with whats 'best to do'.. i.e am I feeding him at the right time, is he getting enough, is he sleeping too much?.. I just feel like it's all too much and I'm struggling to deal with it all.. I know I should just relax, especially as his only a few weeks old but even then I panic that anything i do now will effect his routine/sleeping later on..

Hoping someone can put my mind at ease and probably just tell me to stop being stupid!

 

[kumber]

You're definitely not being stupid, you're doing your best in a very difficult situation. Sometimes you just need to take a deep breath, take a step back and look at it from the outside. What would you advise another mother?

It's so normal to worry about are they getting enough, are you doing enough, are they ok, etc. Nothing you do now will affect his eating and sleeping routine in the future, and you just need to take one day at a time. The rod for your own back doesn't come in until months and years down the line, do please don't worry about that right now.

You're knocked a wee bit sideways by an unusual start but you just need to get into your own routine. Do talk to your mw and hv as they'll give you tips on getting into feeding and sleeping routines.

 

[YorksLass]

You've had a very rough time, but things will get better - never think you're failing! It sounds like you need to talk openly with your mw and hv about how you're feeling, as they are there (especially hv) to ensure that you are ok, not just your baby, and to help you through these early stages. Do talk, if you're feeling so low!
Hope things get better for you soon x

 

[Rachel82]

Completely and utterly normal! You will not believe the number of women who have agreed with me when I told them how difficult I found the first few weeks!
I had an extremely long latent labour which resulted in an epidural, hormone drip and then emergency c section. It took me completely by surprise that I would need this intervention as I was (naively) sure I would have a natural birth. I struggled with my recovery and with the fact I couldn't get about like I had hoped. I spent many a night, with tears rolling down my face, wondering what the hell we'd done having this baby. This made me feel so awful because at the same time, I loved her so much.
Anyway, my daughter is 9 weeks old now and it has got so much easier. Don't get me wrong, it's not a walk in the park by any stretch of the imagination, but the really difficult days have passed and the initial blur and fog of those first weeks has definitely cleared.
Hang in there, it'll get easier/better. Rest assured your feelings are totally normal!

 

[Shepherdess]

having a baby is a huge change and even though we all anticipate it I don't think anyone is really ready first time. have you told your oh how you feel?

speak to your health visitor she is there to look after you. the way your feeling is totally normal but it's important to speak to someone rather then hold it in out of fear. have you been out and about much yet? I had an awful Labour which ended with ventous and an episiotomy and while I was uncomfortable I forced myself to get out and start taking lo for walks when she was about a week and a half old. fresh air does me the world of good. if you're breastfeeding maybe go to a breastfeeding group, not necessarily for breast feeding support but to talk to other people a bit that you have something in common with

 

[JulyBug]

Thank you so much ladies.. yes my OH is amazing, he thinks im totally crazy the way I just burst into tears out of the blue but is always there for a reassuring cuddle. He works full time so I have the baby most of the time and do all the night feeds etc but he helps as much as he can.

I don't have a lot of support, Indont have a lot of close friends, certainly none with children.

I want to look into new baby groups locallly etc but just worry that I'll break down and I'll look stupid sitting there crying my eyes out!..

I'm glad there's light at the end of the tunnel, I can't wait to be able to look at my boy and feel nothing but love.. and not just feel resentment because I'm so tired.. I hate feeling like that towards him.

xx

 

[Emily0505]

I personally don't think how you're feeling is 100% normal in terms of the resentment side of things.

Feeling worried you're not doing things right etc is normal, but as the other ladies have said before, definitely talk to your mw, HV or gp about how you're feeling.

I got baby blues with both my babies and was very tearful for a bit after having them, especially on days three to four. With my son I continued to feel like it and was diagnosed with PND. Thankfully with my daughter I was fine after that initial tearful episode I was fine and no PND this time round.

Obviously not saying you have PND as it is tough in the early days and everything seems so much worse when you're tired too. But, definitely speak out about how you're feeling and although you're nervous about going to groups, I'd really think about it as getting out of the house will do you good and you'll be with other mums who are more than likely in the same boat and can give you support.

Really hope you start to feel better soon hun. Give it a few weeks and things will get easier and all slot into place and in the meantime don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing a great job and are a fabulous mummy!!

XX

 

[Onedaysoon25]

So sorry you're having such a tough time July . I felt this way with my first and mine turned out to be PND. I had bad anxiety and hated everyone, took me a few months to realise what I was feeling wasn't normal.
I'm not saying you have pnd but it will definitely help if you talk to someone sooner rather than later. All the feelings about doing what's right for baby is normal and you will both fall into your own routine in the weeks to come.
Big hugs to you x

 

[ruby2015]

Sending big hugs- it's a crazy time anyway and it sounds like you've had a traumatic time. Just ignore everything and everyone except you and little Woody. Snuggle up and have a snooze every time he naps, ignore housework, download a good box set to your phone or tablet, take walks in the sunshine with the pram and always have plenty of treats in! Just give yourself time- you've done the most amazing thing having a baby. If you're worried about your OH feeling neglected write him a little letter (if/when you have the energy) saying how much you love him, then you know that's covered and he knows, even f you feel like you're being difficult (which you won't be!)- it all passes eventually. Congratulations on your gorgeous boy!

 

[JulyBug]

Thank you Ruby x

I'm still having down days/moments but much better then I was.. I'm just doing my best and trying to relax with it x