Feeling low

[fcroxy]

My daughter is just over three weeks old. The 10 days after birth I felt great. I had so much energy, more than before I was pregnant, things seemed to come naturally (which I was worried about as I had never been around babies before) I was generally on cloud 9.

For the last week or so I have been feeling really low. Constantly tired and tearful and hopeless. I am really struggling to keep everything together. I am also pushing my loved ones away with my foul moods.

Harper is a really chilled baby in the day, feeds well and sleeps well but come night time it's like she's a different baby. She's very awake and unsettled and I can be up for about 3-4 hours at a time feeding, changing, winding and trying to settle her. Sometimes nothing will settle her and I feel so useless and helpless. My OH works night and does about 4-5 a week so I am pretty much on my own with her most nights. It gets to the stage where sometimes when she's unsettled at night I just sit there and cry, I am physically and mentally so drained. I love Harper dearly and wouldn't change her for the world. I just feel so guilty that I'm crying because I can't cope.

I am also being a cow to my nearest and dearest. I am snapping at my parents. My mum offered to have Harper for a few hours this evening for me as she was very unsettled, to which I told her I don't need help as she's my daughter and if I can't settle her myself I fail at being a mum. I didn't mean to be so short and horrible to my mum, I know she was offering to help and I could see that after. I am also being the same with OH, constantly taking my moods out on him. I am really putting a lot of strain on our relationship, and I know I'm doing it but I can't snap myself out of it. It's like a vicious circle.

I am feeling so restless and on edge I can't relax, it's a horrible feeling. Even when Harper is asleep I can't sleep, I can't wind down, yet I am so tired I have a constant headache. Whenever the HV asks how I'm doing I smile and tell her everything is great because in a way I feel that if I'm honest and tell her that I'm not coping it's admitting defeat. I know it's stupid because they are there to help but I feel like if I was honest I wouldn't be able to hold back and the tears would come.

Sorry for the long post, I'm not sure what I'm looking for out of it tbh. Sometimes it's just easier to write how your feeling down than actually say it to someone.

 

[SpinSugar]

Firstly - hugs. I mean, huge big bear hugs.
Hopefully writing it down has helped.
You need to knoe that accepting help or asking for support does NOT make you a failure. It's tough but after a while you will realize asking for support is the best thing you have done. Think if it this way. You are struggling (not necessarily with LO but with your emotions & lack if sleep) if you get a bit of support, when it's offered, you are doing the best thing for yourself and by extension, the best thing for Harper.
Coping with nights in your own are hard. My oh does day & night shifts away so I know what it's like.

Accept help - it feels odd at first but it really will make u feel better Xxxxxx

 

[fcroxy]

Thank you for your reply. I know I'm being silly but not accepting help, I just feel awkward asking for it. I'm seeing the HV later this morning, I think I will mention to her about how I've been feeling x

 

[Chelleyd]

I agree on your big hug too! It is so so difficult to begin with, you spend your pregnancy in a baby haze and nothing whatsoever prepares you for what it is really going to be like when that baby arrives. And to get next to no sleep is a killer and of course your not going to help yourself having this bad mood and taking it out on your nearest and dearest. I can relate to the snapping when someone offers you time out because you see this as a slight on you not being able to cope but take it from someone who's just had their 3rd baby 5 weeks ago, it really isn't, they really are only trying to give you some time out which we all need. So please accept help where you can and I know this seems a cliche, but things really do get easier
P.s what part of Devon are you from? I'm in Plymouth. X

 

[fcroxy]

I think it's the no sleep that's killing me, but I managed to have a nap this afternoon so I'm feeling better tonight. OH isn't working tonight so at he's he's home to help out. I think I will take my mum up on her offer tomorrow and have a few hours break. I'm in Paignton xx

 

[hayz21]

Hi. My heart goes out to you. I had anxiety after my first baby and was too embarrassed to ask for help but after a while, i was asked by the HV to fill in a form about my feelings. When i finished, she read through my answers, looked at me and said, 'your really not happy are u?' I broke down to her and managed to get the support i needed. I really hope u feel able to do the same with your HV. I know it's hard to admit defeat but from there onwards, things can only get better. Best of luck.xx

 

[loopylou83]

I also send big hugs! It's not easy at all and I often snap at my oh - I sat him down the other night and made sure that he knew that he hadn't actually done anything wrong, he said he knew it was just cause I was tired but I wanted to make sure- lack of sleep is horrible! But please ask for help - I was the exact the same very early on- a bf support worker came to see me on day 3- I was bf but had given a couple of top ups and suddenly felt awful about it, I was planning to pretend that I was fine about it until we started talking and I broke down- she was so lovely and reassuring and with her support I managed to ebf from day 6! Xx

 

[fcroxy]

Thanks ladies. I'm feeling better today, my mum had Harper for the majority of the day and I managed to get a decent undisturbed nap. Xx

 

[Woldo]

Don't feel bad about needing help. I had a terrible birth and my mum took a week off to help me with my newborn and my 3 year old. I wouldn't have managed without her. I was like you for the first week oddly I felt quite good, even though I was anaemic but now 3.5 weeks on the tiredness is kicking in. I'm snappy with my OH and even short with my 3 year old. I take comfort in knowing it won't be forever and hopefully they understand why u r snappy. It's hard work taking care of a new born but so rewarding! Xx

 

[CamFi]

Don't feel bad about accepting help, it used to be normal not so long ago, with large families all under the same roof so there'd be loads of help there for new mums, it's only in recent years that people have been living on their own, often some distance from family that somehow people think you should be able to manage a baby on your own.

Do accept help during the day, especially straight after a feed, hand over the little one even if she's awake/crying, and go get some sleep until the next feed. While you're the only one who can breastfeed her, your husband or mum, or friend can do cuddles, settling, burping etc.

One thing my mum suggested, which helped a lot with keeping the length of feeds down (if you're breastfeeding), is that after 10min, they've got most of the milk out of the first side, so swap over and let them feed as long as they want on the second side. I found my little one generally had enough after another ten min on the second side. It basically brought the whole change-feed-burp down to about an hour rather than 2-3 hours.

Good luck!