feeling guilty and horrible

[claireyfairey]

I don't know what's brought this on really...

I just can't get over how ill-equipped I feel to be a mother My OH and I are having to apply for council housing just so that we can have somewhere to live for a while, while we find our feet. We're going to have to scrimp and save in order to one day move out of council housing so that we can have a secure future for our daughter. It's going to be very very hard....we won't have a lot of money and life is going to be tough. We need to get a car so that OH can drive to work, to bring home some money. I don't know if I will be able to work....it all depends on whether we can afford childcare, or whether there will be someone who can help us - like grandparents etc...I don't know how we're going to afford everything that we need...

I think about this and I just panic. We literally have nothing. We have families that will be there for us, and will help us out if they can, but I am bringing a child into the world and I have nothing to give her.

Every time I feel her move in my stomach I feel two things: I love her and am happy she is thriving and well. But I also feel guilty and like the worst mother in the world for bringing her into this difficult situation. I don't regret continuing my pregnancy, not one tiny little bit....but I am afraid she is going to resent me, and hate me I don't want her to hate me

I'm sorry for this message. I just need to share how I feel. I'm tired and over-emotional...and I don't want to have my anti d tomorrow, it's going to hurt, I know it...

C xxx

 

[nickilubs]

Nooooo Clairey : : : : : : : : : :

Dont feel sad. Theres so many people in your situation sweet I'm one of them. Its just one of them things all your little girley really needs is love and you have so much of that.

Babys dont always come along at the right time for everyone and sometimes you just have to cope with what your given and hope for the best. At least when you get a council house you will be there for as long as you want and it will be stable for you. Theres so much help out there for you you really shouldn't worry you will be fine.

Your such a positive person I expect your just having a sad moment you will feel better tomorrow everything always feels better in the day.xxxx

 

[Laura_James&Amber]

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so low hun

I but I am bringing a child into the world and I have nothing to give her.

but I am afraid she is going to resent me, and hate me I don't want her to hate me

You might not have a lot of money (who does?) but you have such a lot to give your child. It might not be the kind of home you want but it is still a home and a roof over your heads. You will give her love and attention, clean clothes, food and a loving family, eg, grandparents. Thats all babies really need, they don't care where they live as long as they are comfortable and loved.
You will do a fantastic job, don't feel guilty

 

[Laura_James&Amber]

Sorry forgot to add your baby won't hate you or resent you, she will love you to her you will do no wrong

 

[claireyfairey]

Thankyou Nicki and Laura I'm not really feeling up to responding properly but I read and just wanted to say thanks for your support

 

[nickilubs]

Go hug your OH and have a cry and a bath or something it always helps just to get it out now and then.

Please dont worry though you will be fine and your girley will love you so much.

Oooo and as for the injections tomorrow every little thing you do you do for your daughter and if your willing to go have something like that when you hate needles as much as you do then just goes to prove your doing everything in your power to make her healthy and well xxxx

 

[dannii87]

Oh hun! I can relate Evie's got everything, all my hard earned cash has paid for it all so I'm proud in that respect, but I know the guilty feeling... She has no Daddy and I can't help but feel a little responsible for that.

She won't hate you or resent you babe! You'll be the one she needs, as long as she's clean, fed & warm, that's ALL you can do for a baby. That's all she's going to need. & her Mummy of course

As soon as she arrives things will fall into place. She doesn't need toys, she doesn't need the most expensive cot or the biggest house in the street, she just needs love, and whether you're rich or skint, you've got that to give

You'll be fine hun! & she'll always think she has the best Mum in the world! (We all do ) xx

 

[Quill]

You are so very very far from being the worst mother in the world. All your little one needs is love, food, and a warm place to sleep. Babies are so adaptable. I myself didn't move into a proper place until I was 3. My friend spent several years living out of a car with his mother (this was the US so no council housing). We are both successful adults and our parents' love was the most important part.

I know it seems like we can never be ready for our babies. I wish myself that we owned a house and didn't rent. But our little ones will be loved, and the very best thing we can give them is love and good memories.

 

[Steelgoddess]

Oh hon you deffo shouldnt feel guilty you crazy moo!!! Your baby won't care about how much money you and OH have all she cares about is lots of lovely hugs and kisses.

It may be hard but you will find a way of managing because thats what Mummys do so please don't feel bad, s many ppl have very little money but have such happy kiddies so concentrate on being a happy family with the bare essentials

xxx

 

[Laur_250]

Aw Claire dont get down, just remember....when you were growing up I bet your best memories aren't of how nice your house was or how many holidays you went on, it would of been how much love you had and the special moments you had that cost nothing WHEREVER you lived as long as you had a mummy and daddy that loved you. It really is all you need and you will be a fantastic mother as you have LOTS of love to give so just remember that silly.xxxx

 

[HideiLu]

Do NOT feel guilty!! You will be a great Mum and will; give her all she needs, love care a roof over her head and food in her tummy!

We went through some hard times when I was little, I remember 5 of us living in a one bed flat...me and my brother shared the kitchen floor, and my Mum, step dad and little bro had the bedroom. I have no resent for my Mum for not having the money then!! Not one bit, I love her to bits!!

About 5 weeks back, I was panicing so much about all the things we had to get, but hunted through ebay and charity shops, and think we have everything baby could possible need, but still feel like I need to be getting more!

We all spend by our means, and everyone finds a way that works for them. It will all come together soon hun I'm sure

 

[Miss.Monroe]

We literally have nothing. We have families that will be there for us

Then you have everything you need to bring a child into the world. A baby doesnt need material goods/things, they need stability,routine,love affection guidlines and morals. the fact that you have a family there to support you will show your LO what a real family is all about.

 

[Mummy-D]

The fact that you are worrying about this tells me that you are going to be a brilliant mum! Your lo isnt even here yet and already you are worrying about what is best for her. Thats a statement in itself isnt it!!

You will be a brilliant mum and your little one will love you just for being you, not for what you can or cant buy her.

Everything will fall into place

 

[Mildly]

Aww hun

I can only echo what the others have said, DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! I once read that if you wait until you can afford to have children, you'll never have them! That doesn't mean to say that you will be anything other than a great Mum. Your little girl doesn't care if her nursery co-ordinates or whether her clothes are second hand or not. She just wants to be fed, kept warm and loved!

In terms of being able to afford things, make sure you fill out your tax credits form before she is born so that you can send it off straightaway - you'll probably find you qualify for Working Tax Credit and Child Tax Credit. Also once she is born apply for the sure start maternity grant, every extra bit helps, and you never know you may qualify. Don't feel bad about having to apply for council housing, that is what it is there for. Whether you do work or not, your OH will be paying taxes and so you are entitled to assistance from the government. Also just remember you are doing this country a good service by having a baby, as it is your little girl (and all of our kids) that when she (they) grows up will be paying for our pensions through her taxes

 

[moss]

I just want to let you know that you aren't alone. I have been feeling this way for some time now, but I am starting to come to terms with it (for the moment, anyway). I had an unstable upbringing in that sometimes my parents had a lot of money and other times not much at all, but I was just as happy when I was getting gifts and material things as when not. However, I was miserable when my parents were fighting and I wished for them to get divorced all of the time so I could have some peace. I think as a rule children appreciate love a lot more than material items, even if they don't realise it right away.

 

[claireyfairey]

Thanks so much for the support girls I feel guilty about posting this like I expected everyone to make me feel better.... but you did and I'm really greatful. I don't know what I would do without you all!

C xxx