Disappointing/Uncaring Midwife?

[shadow]

I was just wondering if anyone else feels really disheartened after they go and visit their midwife? I never get to see the same midwife, as there is a team of approx 4, and I seem to see a different one each time I visit the surgery. This doesn’t bother me, as I was aware it was a team of midwives, and I realised this would be the case. However, after each visit I feel really disappointed, I feel as though I am rushed through the visit like I’m a sheep being herded through a sheep dip! “Sample, blood pressure, listen to the baby and out”. It’s over so quickly, seems really impersonal, and almost as if they don’t care. I only ever seem to be asked one question “hands and feet swollen?”, and that’s it. When I ask questions it’s almost as if “we don’t have time to be answering your silly questions”. This is my first pregnancy, and I don’t know half of what’s normal and what's not.

I feel that I didn’t have a birth book, and didn’t go to ante-natal classes, that I wouldn’t have the foggiest as to what is going on, as the midwives never tell me. But I find that the midwife that runs the parent craft class is fabulous, and really seems to take joy in being a midwife. I wonder if the difference is because the midwife I see for my appointments is at my local GP surgery, whereas the parent craft class is held at the hospital?

My worst fear is that when I go into labour I’ll be stuck with a midwife who doesn’t seem to care about me, as that’s how it feels after my routine check ups. Does anybody else feel this way? Any advise from mum’s who have already been through this; how did you find your midwife? It really scares me the thought of going through this alone. (I know my husband will be there, but I’m not really counting on him to do much!)

 

[purple13]

i'm with a team of 5 community midwives and they're all lovely... i won't see any of them for the birth, but that doesn't bother me really. but by the same token, i've had a v easy, worry-free pregnancy and that probably makes a big difference...

 

[samandbump]

my community MW was lovely its in the hospital i had the problems i felt they were really unhelpful!!

 

[xkikix]

I find my community midwife very uncaring and I dont really trust her... At my last appointment she got her mobile out and started texting her mate!!!! I've had a few eppisodes of bleeding during this pregnancy and its my first so I would have preferred to have a midwife who puts all her attention on me during my appointments. My friend who is pregnant has the same midwife and she feel s the same! There is only 1 MW at our village surgary and if I want another one, i have to ring another surgery to see if their MW's would take me on!

 

[elaine22]

My original community midwives were OK, but one of them referred me for a growth scan when my fundal height measured a little low and didn't reassure me or anything, and said she didn't know when I asked what could be causing this. I had to read up on it and ask OH's bro who is a doctor or else I would have been worried sick. Other than that, I found all my midwives in my new surgery fine and when I gave birth they were great - I had a student midwife in there too which initially I wasn't keen on but she was fantastic - really friendly and excited for us.

 

[Kylie1007]

I saw my named mw throughout and she even delivered my baby. In fact the whole of the team were great as well as the few I saw from the neighbouring team with my aftercare.

 

[GBLiz]

so far on the few visits ive had theyve been nice enough, but literally just checked wee and bp, asked if i have any problems and thats it. I guess its because im on this forum i generally dont have any questions to ask so thats why its so quick. But im surprised they've never offer any information on what to expect or anything, especially when ive never been pregnant before!

 

[jendav81]

We have one MW at my GP and luckily she is really nice, she always has time for my thousand questions (even when I asked about a birthing pland at my 16w appointment lol!)

She won't be delivering the baby though but will be doing the home visits afterwards

xkikix: OMG can't belive she did that!!!! i would have complained!!!

 

[Tillytots]

Im not all that keen on my own midwife so I love it when I get to see other one's who have all been alot nicer than my own

 

[keli]

The ones i've seen have been really nice but it never same one twice! I also feel that if i wasn't on this forum then i wouldn't really have a clue about anything, it has helped so much, so when i do see MW i don't really have any questions.. am in and out in 5 mins xx

 

[Natural mamma]

She is al ovely person wrapped up in administration nightmare....

And also seems slightly un- confident.
I have seen her three times throughout my pregnancy......and had to G.P all the other times...not good .... but this is the first time out of 5 pregnancies this has happened to me.

So mixed feeling really......

 

[trixipaws]

i saw maybe 2 or 3 midwives while pregnant, i had 2 come to my house when i gave birth and i saw 2 or 3 after melissa was born. i liked them all, they were all pretty nice- altho i cant remember the ones that delivered melissa coz was in too much pain but my boyf said they were lovely lol

 

[kellysomer]

My practice has two MW's, mine is horrid, she is patronising and if i ask a question she looks at me like i'm stupid because i should know 2nd time around, truth is every pregnancy is different so you definatly dont know everything. She was rude to Isla the first time i went and i dont think she cares at all. She is the thursday app MW and recently i needed to go on a weds instead and guess what, the other one is lovely, she chatted to Isla and asked me how i felt and really cared. I guess i should have been having weds off instead of thurs, how annoying. Last time my MW was so lovely, i miss her.

Chances are i wont know the MW who delivers my baby so im not worried about that anyway, when Isla was born i didnt recognise the MW who delivered her when she came to say hello the next day! I was high on adrenaline.

 

[clarey]

I havent seen the the same one twice either as I am with a midwife team, some are definately better and more helpful than others but this forum has been my most reliable source of info - thanks ladies!!

The ones that do the classes at the hospital seem a lot happier in their jobs though and I have found them really inspiring and reassuring so I am not too worried about who I see in labour. Medical care in pregnancy seems to vary so widely across the country, its very weird and I do feel jealous of those who get to know their midwifes.

 

[leckershell]

The one I was originally with was awful - she was one of a team, but here they are each assigned to a surgery so if she's ill or whatever, then she's not around full stop, they don't replace her. It was my first pregnancy too, and while she gave me answers to my questions, it was as if she couldn't be bothered and that I was thinking things too far ahead and that birth plans were "pointless", as she said with a sigh... She ran a labour workshop but yet when I asked her about classes or workshops in the area she told me there weren't any. Thank god I rang up places and found them for myself, but ya know, I shouldn't have had to. Also I had a kidney infection at about 23/24 weeks, and she only did my urine the day before and never said anything was wrong.

I moved to a different GP at 34 weeks, a bigger practice, and a fab fab fab midwife (who worked more than 1 morning a week ). She was from the same team as the new GP surgery was over the road from my old one..! But she was fantastic and I still see her now as she gets involved with the local PND group.

If all of your surgeries have the same team, there's not a lot of point changing surgeries as you'd have the same problem somewhere else. But if you don't like the service and you get on well with your doctor, why not see them instead? Even if you just go once, to have a check up and mention that you feel the midwife service is pretty shocking and see what the doctor says. I did that to my first midwife, and then she questioned me about it the following week. God I'm glad I left her!!



Hope you get it sorted somehow. Kick up a fuss to whoever will listen, it's your first pregnancy and you want good memories of it.

 

[Redshoes]

Firstly, its quite rare you'll have your current MW at your birth, unless you're planning a homebirth, and even then its not guaranteed. So I wouldn't worry too much about the birth side of things, and MW's are incredibly supportive and 'on your side' when it comes to you being in labour, so even if it was the same, she will be different I'm sure.

I didn't really warm to my MW because the first time I mentioned homebirth to her she raised her eyebrows and went all worse case scenario on me, and was too hung up on that instead of being happy for my decision and supporting me. Whilst labouring at home I never saw her out of the 3 MW's I did see, and in hospital I never saw her, nor when I came home, so I was glad of that actually.

I know it can be very disheartening to 'dislike' your MW, but at the same time it doesn't have to spoil anything for you Chat about things on your mind here, or with friends, and try to be strong and bring them up with your MW too, whatever makes your pregnancy comfortable

As for the MW's telling you nothing and feeling rushed, unfortunately that is the case for some, as they have very little time for many women under their care but that's not their fault. I would say if you have any pressing questions, just ask her My MW told me very little that wasn't alarming about labour and birth. I got my support and info from my Hypnobirthing classes and reading what I felt would help me.

I wish you all the best, this forum is a great place to air any questions, someone will be able to offer support or advice, and so please don't get too down hearted by your MW, its not personal, and I am sorry she isn't as forthcoming with time and answers for you, very best wishes

This site may help you too?
http://www.aims.org.uk/
http://www.homebirth.org.uk/nastymidwife.htm

 

[shadow]

I’ve decided I’m going to make a complaint, not against my midwife, but to the local NHS board about the way the system works, the fact there are not enough midwives to go around. I’ve already signed the online petition “one woman, one midwife, to put my support towards that scheme, but feel I want to go further. I know one letter isn’t likely to make that much of a difference to the scheme of things, but you never know.

Thanks for all your support and advise, I find this site wonderful and everyone really helpful and caring.