they really must die
Jeffmans Blog sums up exactly how i felt each time their rock star ad was on tv
"Jeffman often thinks that the adverts they foist upon an unsuspecting public between the unprocessed sewer water they try and pass off as television nowadays, are solely created to wind him, and him alone, up. There is probably a small quality control department in every advertising agency whove been issued with strict orders to pass nothing off unless theres more than a 70% chance it will drive Jeffman to smashing his face through a plate glass window whilst gargling with vinegar.
One advert in particular has recently been causing ructions at casa del Mann, simply because of its sheer audacity when it comes to degrading a once proud human race. DFS and their marketing agency should be hauled off to the Hague, post-haste, and tried for crimes against humanity. Not even Saddam wouldve sank to something this low.
For those who havent already seen it, take a peak at the vid above, one of three variations of the advert - but be warned. Tis strong stuff indeed and not for the faint of heart. One would recommend a stomach nurtured on asbestos fritters and cast-iron curries.
I did warn you. That sheer affront to human dignity has on occasion caused Jeffman to vomit blood. Violently. At inopportune moments. Such as the time it invaded his line of sight from the window of a nearby Currys, and caused him to empty the contents of his stomach over a passing troop of small orphans on their first journey out into the bad, wide world since their parents had met with an unfortunate end in a bizzare hot air balloon/hedgehog incident.
But it would seem there is actually a glimmer of justice remaining in this dark and barren world; enough to deliver the occasional splinter of what must be pleasure to an otherwise tarnished existence.
Yes, the Advertising Standards Agency in all their implicit wisdom have banned the offending monstrosity. Never again will DFS be allowed to pollute Jeffmans finely tuned cerebral cortex.
I suppose its only fair that I explain to any of our blind readers what the fuss is about. The DFS ad features a succession of what can only be described as outright cocks miming along to Nicklebacks Rockstar. The choice of song may be bad enough but its the shameless performances that really rankle, causing the involuntary loss of ones breakfast and the previous nights beer.
There are crack-whores who display more self-dignity and self-control than the assorted production-line gits that were employed in the making of this visual equivalent of chewing your way through the contents of a fourpack of lightbulbs, whilst suffering with a mouthful of ulcers. In fact, one has to wonder if they were employed at all, or whether theres a little man just out of camera shot holding a HIV infected needle to the throats of their firstborns. How else could you guarantee such a genocide-inspiring performance?
Surely not money. Surely not! The human race hasnt sunk that low in its pursuit of a few extra pennies, has it?
Oh sorry. I forget so easily. Of course it has.
But thankfully for those of us who dont consider stripping ourselves of the remaining shred of dignity were still allowed, as a means to paying the bills, this is a small triumph.
All right, the ads have been banned because of a deceptive representation of the furniture sizes involved. But we all know, deep down, the real reasons because theyre 100% cringe-inducing slurry. Now all we need is for the ADA to ban adverts all together and Jeffman may once again get a decent nights sleep."
Everytime it comes on OH says to me "Its your favourite advert again!"
