Convincing OH to Homebirth

[chickadee1976]

I had my first midwife appointment on Friday and we discussed the possibility of a home birth after feeling like i was stapped to the bed in hospital with my first born.
We all agreed that it would have to be a joint decision between myself and Oh.

How do i gently persuade him that its a great idea pretty sure being a bloke all he will see is pain and blood.

 

[ASD123456]

I've began considering a homeborth pretty late on but my OH was surprisingly good about it, his first question was 'what happens to the mess' but when I explained the MW help to clean up he seemed to relax. IMO I think he would feel a lot more useful at home than he would in a clinical hospital.

I'm sure your OH will understand and be supportive of a homebirth if it would amke the experience a more comfortable and happier one for you.

Alex xxx

 

[Sherlock]

I decided early on I'd like to try for a homebirth. TBH, once I did my research and had facts to back up what I was saying, I felt confident that it was as safe as being in hospital. If not safer in some ways. It depends on what you would like from your birth I guess.

I think do your homework, have a supportive MW who your OH can meet later on to discuss any concerns he has and provided your pregnancy is normal and you have no serious problems, it shouldn't be a problem.

My OH's main concern was the possible transfer time should something go wrong. Once he had talked to my MW and read the info on transfers etc he was more than happy about how it works.

Below is a link to a great site

http://www.homebirth.org.uk/

Read up there and then see what you think.

Also worth when making a list for your OH as to why a homebirth would be good

*He gets to be more involved and can stay the whole time. No visiting hours etc.
*You will feel happier and more relaxed in your own environment and this should help make for a better labour for you
*Far less medical and much more natural. Certain pain relief is not available at home but many women who have had home births found this not to be an issue.
*If you have had a straightforward pregnancy etc and your MW is happy for a homebirth for you etc, there is no reason to think the worst will happen. This is where many people seem to fall down and feel hospital is then better. You can give birth in your own time, in your own way and with 2 trained MW's attending you for the actual delivery. Chances are in hospital you will have one MW between a number of women sometimes and may not get such individual care as you will at home.
*If there is an emergency, MW's are well trained to deal with things. My MW assures me, especially in first time labours that things are slower happening and they can spot well in advance if things are not progressing and would always decide to transfer you if they feel there are possible problems presenting etc. They will not risk you or your baby by delaying or ignoring things. They will also listen to you and if you wish to go to hospital they will respect that.
*The time it takes to transfer from home to hospital will be used well by the hospital. They will be informed you are coming in and prepare accodingly as per the MW's information on your labour problem. So once there, they will be ready for you.

I hope for as natural as possible, with as little medical intervention as possible. Hence me opting for a homebirth. I know in hospital that even if things are going well, it still is taken out of your hands to a degree and can become a medical procedure and against the clock etc. My opting for a homebirth was not to win an award or anything, but simply as I don't believe that a hospital is the best place for me to give birth. I feel happier and more content with being at home. Mentally I am prepared, my partner is supportive and we are both looking forward to the experience. I believe that if I am relaxed about where i am etc, that labour will be a better experience.

Anyways, I need to stop waffling. I've made a number of posts on homebirth etc and quite a few ladies on the forum have had homebirths and have only great things to say about them. If you do a search for 'homebirth' in the New Arrivals section or the whole site you should find lots of useful info

Feel free to drop me a PM if you want to know anything else or just want to chat

 

[maybebaby]

My OH hates hospitals so was more than keen for me to have a homebirth last time round. One of the best things for me was that he didn't have to go anywhere after our son was born, we all got to go to bed together as a family. It was my first pregnancy/birth and went like a dream (birth story in my sig if you're interested).

Being at home meant that he felt more needed too - the midwives asked him to get towels etc and told him exactly what was happening. So he didn't feel like he was a spare part or in the way - he had a definite role (which I think is important for a man - to be needed & feel useful!).

I'm definitely going to opt for a homebirth again this time - obviously provided the pregnancy is straightforward.

Have you spoken to OH about it at all yet? Feel free to pm me if want.

 

[chickadee1976]

We have talkied about it but unless i physically go and get information and place it infront of his face we wont get anywhere.

Nothing to do with being lazy or uninterested .

I just think he is a bit overwhelmed by the idea.
His first son(to someone else) was born by emergency cesarian (sp) and i think he will be worried about that and generally if he will be asked to do things hes not comfortable with. The midwidfe made a really big deal at our first appointment of saying to him "it will be you doing all the running around and having all the responsibility" felt like she was trying to put him off.

 

[Sherlock]

We have talkied about it but unless i physically go and get information and place it infront of his face we wont get anywhere.

Nothing to do with being lazy or uninterested .

I just think he is a bit overwhelmed by the idea.
His first son(to someone else) was born by emergency cesarian (sp) and i think he will be worried about that and generally if he will be asked to do things hes not comfortable with. The midwidfe made a really big deal at our first appointment of saying to him "it will be you doing all the running around and having all the responsibility" felt like she was trying to put him off.

hehe I never took my hubby to any of my MW appointments tbh. Never felt the need. Its my time to discuss stuff with her that my OH while he will hear it ok, would rather not. Some things are better left unheard He did his own learning about pregnancy in his own time. Apart from the 28 week one where he wanted to meet my new MW and hear what she had to say on homebirth. Once he met her he was really happy to go with it.

Information is readily available online. The Hombirth site is a great resource. And explains risks and potential problems and how often these things don't actually happen etc. I read it, made my list of things that were positvies, the actual true 'emergency' risks etc, transfer times, more comfortable in own home etc, and basically had a reasonable answer to all his questions. He then did his own reading and also concluded that provided we had a problem free pregnancy and MW was happy with things, a homebirth was a great option for us.

I think also your OH can decide for himself his comfort level at being involved. My OH is looking forward to having something constructive to do rather than having to sit and watch and try to offer verbal support. He wants to be doing things as he doesn't like the idea I will be in pain and wants to help. So he has motivation. He is in charge of the pool, knows where everything for the homebirth is stored so can go get it, can prepare snacks and meals if need be and also to be my birthing partner. We work on breathing exercises, massage etc together and he has read up on positions to labour and so on so will be encouraging me all the way. He has met my MW a few times now and really likes her which helps. In hospital we have no idea who will be with us and he is always shy around strangers, so having met her and already feeling comfortable with her will help him and me.

He will have to be involved on some level at home as your MW's can't run all over the place and be expected to know where things are. Hence me getting it all in one place for hubby to grab as and when.

I think many people worry about the possible negatives and emergencies when thinking about homebirth. But really, when you read up on it, every womans birth story on homebirth I have read has been a positive experience and they have, even when things have been difficult only ever had good things to say about the home side of things. Yes, sometimes things do happen that mean a woman will need to go to hospital. But birthing at home is no less safe than hospital and MW's are well trained to deal with many things and will not risk you or your child. I keep that thought in my head and feel totally calm about things.

 

[Kylie1007]

OK I had a homebirth and we had chinese takeaway for tea that night - about 3 hours after the birth If that doesn't tempt him, I don't know what will.

In all seriousness I was anti homebirth but ended up having one as my choice was get blue lighted to hospital or have him at home as he was coming too quickly. It was fab. It wasn't messy at all, the MWs were fantastic and had everything to hand (including gas&air), I spent the night in my own bed, I had everything the baby needed with me as I was at home, I could have a bath in my own bath...erm....the aftercare was FAB. The MW came to see me pretty much every day in the week after the birth and then about every 4 days after that. Any other qu's, just ask!

 

[caz86]

i managed to convince DH to homebirth rigth from the start i told him all the good sides like for example dnt have to rush about to get to hospital and dont have to rush to get a babysitter for LO.. i really love the idea of being incontrol with my first i didnt feel i was it was do as i was told this time i will have all the house to walk about in.
DH thinks as im due in june i can give birth in the garden with a canopy no chance of that lol
good luck in convinceing him just remember us women usually get what we want xxx