Children 'damaged' by materialism report

[Sherlock]

Interesting read on the BBC news website this evening about how materialism effects children in todays society.

Read it here

I actually do agree with quite a bit of the findings. I do feel as a society we overdo it and personally don't want to fall into the trappings of commercialism with my own children. Of course, some things will be bought, but I really do hope to be a bit more home grown than shop bought.

We live rural and for me its important to spend time outdoors, learning about the livestock, the land and so on. Its a huge playground I'm all for traditional games over the lastest fad and so on also. Maybe its my age I can remember using all my mothers saucepans as a drum kit and spending hours bashing them with wooden spoons. Who needed the real thing when I had that piled high in my bedroom 8)

What are your thoughts on the article? Interested to know

 

[mary70]

All i can say is that my son has wanted for nothing whether it is toys or clothes and he has turned out just fine and i wont change a thing in the way i bring Hannah up

 

[Happybunny]

I thought it was very interesting and certainly contained a lot of truth. I know I was bought up by parents who thought they were doing right by me by giving me every materialistic comfort...but sadly had to work so hard for it that I was always passed from carer to carer whilst they were earning the pennies. As a child I did feel the need to compete with my friends and have all the new toys/games/clothes etc. Looking back to my childhood now I know that none of that mattered. The things I hold most dear in my memory are my friends and experiences, not the possessions I had.
As adults, my OH and I have good jobs and are very comfortable, but our friends are always surprised as to why we have never bought a big flash house or car or had a posh new kitchen etc. We made a conscious decision to have a tiny house so that we would have more money to 'live' with. i.e. have great holidays, weekends with friends or experiences that would stay with us forever. Our twenties have been fantastic. Best thing is now I am able to stay at home for a few years to look after my baby because we have never wasted money on over the top material items. People think I am mad giving up my well paid job. I may have a small, tired looking house, but I am pleased that I will get to see my child grow up. I am a massive believer in memories and experience, not possessions!

 

[mary70]

iam the same hun, we only have a small house, we have 2 cars although not brand new, i left my teaching job to be a sahm to both my kids and we spend every weekend togeather doing brill thinks, we have run my sons football team for 11 years and he is now playing for Sheffield United which my husband is coaching still, and we have a few holidays a year, 1 foreign holiday and a few in the uk but we only manage this by not having the best of everything for ourselves which is fine by me

 

[Squiglet]

I can't really explain what I did with Tia... There have been loads of things I've not been able to buy her, and I've gone without in lots of things to give her what I can. What I do know is that somewhere along the line... she learnt about material possessions not being important. On a recent trip to the UK my uncle asked her to pick out anything she wanted in Woolworths. She chose one of the cheapest barbie dolls she could find...he was so impressed by her lack of greed that he brought her an Ipod...but shes not overly interested in it. Shes far happier spending hours playing with the cheap barbie doll lost in her imaginary world of the Rainbow Planet (which I do my upmost to encourage)

 

[Sherlock]

Thanks for the replies ladies

I think I've seen both ends of the scale while nannying. Some familes ensured that while their kids got treats and certain gizmos and gadgets, they also had to earn many other things. Or save their pocket money and buy it themselves. This was often done to try to encourage the kids to learn the value of the things they bought and to hopefully take better care of them and to try to make them last.

Other kids said 'I want a iPod' and got one. No questions asked and when the next colour or style came out, said 'I want a new iPod' and got given it. They have no concept of what it is to earn something, or to value it because of the cost. Its simply thrown away when the next thing comes along. And not even for birthdays or Christmas, but just whenever because they wanted it.

The thing is the article is about society in general, not specific people. So I was interested to hear what others thought

Its finding the balance and its not always easy. My mother was a single parent and worked hard to bring me up back in the early 70's. It was almost unheard of but she did it. She had to scrimp and save to get me some things, others I never got but all my friends did. I can remember feeling left out on occasion, but actually, most of those things I was never really 'wanting' it was because it was the lastest fad and it was like keeping up with the Jones. Kids can be cruel sometimes. I was happier outside climbing trees and playing tennis. Looking back I didn't lack for any of the things that were important to me. I had my freedom, my music and was a very happy kid who lived with the basics. I got treats but they came on Christmas and birthdays.

My pocket money was stopped when I turned 14. My mother told me if I wanted to buy the latest fashions and stuff I had to pay for it myself so to go and find a summer job and hopefully something on weekends for the winter. So I did. I earnt £70 a week at 14 and 15 years old. My friends had less than £10 in pocket money. I didn't go mad with it but saved so I could do things I wanted to do. I kept the same job for 4 years till I left school, all through the year, after school and weekends, so I earnt at least £30 a week in term time still. Taught me to work hard for everything I wanted and to save.

I'm thankful my mother did that when she did. It certainly taught me that nothing comes for free and anything worth having is worth working toward. Be it financial or whatever, it requires effort to get the end result.

 

[jenna]

My parents always bought me what ever i wanted even if they went without. When my mum had to start working full time again she felt really guilty as i would get home from school and be alone with my sister for a few hours. I think thats one of the main reasons she would buy me anything i wanted. When i started secondary school i got into brands and stuff and my mum & dad just couldnt afford it. It just seemed like at the time it was wear the right clothes or get beat up everyday. Unfortunatly i didnt feel strong enough to be myself and thats probably why i didnt have many friends at school. I had the expencive clothes at school but after school i didnt care about the lastest stuff... i just wanted to do something fun. The things that stick out about my childhood are things that didnt cost a thing. The best present i ever got was a big piece of plastic my dad got from work and we spent all day making a waterproof house in the garden!!

 

[Tillytots]

As a child I spent most of my time in the garden making mud pies and climbing tree's etc. I didnt have all the newest toys or whatever the latest in thing was - nor did I want it. I also used pots and pans as a drum kit I had a sand pit full of half the kitchen utensils and made my fun like that. I wasnt bothered that other kids had all this stuff - I used to wonder why they weren't having fun like me with all these free things around them to play with and thought it was a bit rubbish that to be happy they had to spend all this money. I was prob a bit of an oddball child in that way LOL - I have no idea why I thought like? I lived in the country and had a massive garden. I used to sit and watch the birds or feed the horses and make up adventures, draw pictures, paint and I had a huge square bird bath that I used as an oven and did pretend cookery shows.

I had treats for example my Mum would buy me a little toy and a hair bobble and sweets if I was good in the week and did get nice things but only on Christmas's and Birthdays but Id never ask for anything. I remember having just 1 birthday party - I can even remember what was in the party bags!

I think I was shown from a very early age that you can make your own enjoyment out of the things around you and never wanted anything really. Things have changed so much though in 20 years!

As a teenager I'd get 10p pocket money from my Great Grandad and that brought my 10p mix up sweets, £2 from my Nan which also went on sweets and I had to earn my £5 week from my parents when I was 14 to 15 by doing housework ie. hoovering the whole house, cleaning the bathroom, cooking once a week and making sure everywhere was tidy. I also had to do all my own washing from when I was about 13yrs old. Pocket money stopped when I was 15yrs old, I left schol and had to get a job and went straight into work.

Compaing me to OH (whos parents really struggled to keep up with everyone else and made sure they had the latest of everything) I think I came off better. Like now, if we havent got money for something I dont fret one bit but OH has a real hard time dealing with it and will sulk for days and it makes him really down....I'm really not bothered by it at all

I have no idea really what it will be like having a LO now but I'll raise him not to be materialistic and make sure he knows that he has to earn things and just hope he is as happy as I was as a child.

 

[mrs_tommo22]

I went without a lot of things when I was younger as my mum was looking after us on her own with no help and working as well and did her best but toys and treats were far and few in between.

I do spoil my kids abit but it a case of me bringing something home for them and not them asking for what they want (not that imogen can) ds has a tendency to ask for stuff in shops and the answers no as im not teaching him anything by letting him have what he wants.

 

[mary70]

Can i just say (and will prob get jumped on) but i wish i was in in 10/12 years time when u have a child coming home from school saying that he hasnt got what little joe or sam has got and see which one of you cave and let you lo have the latest toys and cloths to make them happy, i cave every time and it doesnt bother me in the slightest if it makes my child happy i would go to the end of the world and back and i know i have said it before but my son is 16 and the nicest kid you could ever meet, so being spoilt hasnt spoilt him in the slightest

 

[jenna]

I think the main thing is that the child appreciates what theyve got. Wether its nothing or its the latest coolest thing. Buying everything your kids want doesnt make you or them a bad person. I think its only natural to give them everything they want. Some children can get too wrapped up in objects and nothing is ever good enough for them. One of my cousins used to be like that and once i thought he was going to have break down or something because his dad wouldnt buy him a toy

 

[lauramumof2]

Can i just say (and will prob get jumped on) but i wish i was in in 10/12 years time when u have a child coming home from school saying that he hasnt got what little joe or sam has got and see which one of you cave and let you lo have the latest toys and cloths to make them happy, i cave every time and it doesnt bother me in the slightest if it makes my child happy i would go to the end of the world and back and i know i have said it before but my son is 16 and the nicest kid you could ever meet, so being spoilt hasnt spoilt him in the slightest

I agree but sometimes you just cant afford it. Its not the actual thing thats making them happy but the sense of having what everyone else has got.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

I was raised in a non-working single parent family, and lived in hand me down clothes from my cousins that never fitted right and were not ever fashionable. They then got passed down to my little sisters. We were all malnourished as kids. Toys were from boot sales and charity shops and usually had bits missing. I didn't have a tv, mobile or computer until a few years after I had left home, and I never had pocket money. In fact I started working weekends aged 14 and every penny went to my mum.

I was bullied at school for being a scruff bag, and never felt like I fitted in, had hardly any friends and wouldn't dream of having friends over as I was so embarrassed about the state of our house.

I cant say my mum done her best because she didnt, she was too lazy to get a job or do anything fun with us, she never once took us to the park or the beach and we had to find ways to entertain ourselves.

This may all sound very negative, and I viewed it that way for many years, but in fact it forced me to be imaginative and creative and to appreciate the small things in life.

My OH had a similar up-bringing and neither of us have dreams of grandiose or richness, we take pleasure in knowing we have a decent roof over our heads, can afford to eat the food we like, buy clothes we like, and relax at the weekend with a bottle of wine and a film. We're both very creative and love the small pleasures such as a stunning sunset, a good joke, a lie in on a sunday and a nice walk in the woods.

I guess its all about perspective, and people cope differently after the same situations.

I personally think that its a natural part of parenthood to want to give your kids everything, but if you give them enough love it doesnt matter if they have everything they want or nothing atall

 

[Krystal]

I was an only child growing up with my mam and step dad. I was spoilt rotten, I got everything and anything I ever wanted.. when my mam could afford it. And I think thats the difference, I realised if she was skint that month I couldn't have it. Simple as that.

At times when she had plenty of money I got £20 per week pocket money, at times when she was skint I got £2. Although I was never really made to work for the money that didn't stop me appreciating how hard she had to work for it.

I don't see myself as spoilt now, i'm same. If I can afford something nice for myself i'll go and splash out if not then I can't.

I will spoil Jack rotten as long as I can afford it.

 

[Sherlock]

I think the main thing is that the child appreciates what theyve got. Wether its nothing or its the latest coolest thing. Buying everything your kids want doesnt make you or them a bad person.

There is that aspect to it, which I think you've thought out well

I know some who appreciate the things they have and others who could not give a damn and have not learnt the value of anything.

 

[Sherlock]

Can i just say (and will prob get jumped on) but i wish i was in in 10/12 years time when u have a child coming home from school saying that he hasnt got what little joe or sam has got and see which one of you cave and let you lo have the latest toys and cloths to make them happy, i cave every time and it doesnt bother me in the slightest if it makes my child happy i would go to the end of the world and back and i know i have said it before but my son is 16 and the nicest kid you could ever meet, so being spoilt hasnt spoilt him in the slightest

Not jumping on you in the least. I replied to Jenna below and like how she sees it, about a child appreciating. If your son has a good appreciation of what he has and how its provided then

But I do hope to find a balance and for our child(ren) to have some things, but not everything, especially the latest fad thing in the school. I hope I can find the right balance for myself and my family. Sometimes there might be a bit of upset, but like the latest fad, that soon passes. If that means my child screams or cries their way round a store on occasion because they cannot have that bag of sweets or shiny toy then so be it. For me the main thing is that there is an understanding that we cannot provide everything and nor are we going to. That sometimes it just won't happen. But that does not mean we love our child any less.

I want and hope for our children to be able to entertain themselves also and not rely on us to provide all the way of toys and gadgets. Maybe its my upbringing and wanting to try to have a bit of both worlds. The more simplistic youth that I had mixed with the hectic commercialism of more recent times. I don't like todays total commercialism, the ads the drive us to the store, the pressure on us to have this and that, and how it has become such a part of society and how it is shoved down our throats only for the next thing to come along 5 minutes later I want to try to live a little away from that as I have strived to do for the last goodness knows how many years in most aspects of my life.

I tend to be frugal with gizmos. I've had the same mobile phone for 7 years. It still works, why change it That it looks like a brick compared to the new ones only amuses me. But it charges well, does what I need it to do so why change it.

 

[Sherlock]

My OH had a similar up-bringing and neither of us have dreams of grandiose or richness, we take pleasure in knowing we have a decent roof over our heads, can afford to eat the food we like, buy clothes we like, and relax at the weekend with a bottle of wine and a film. We're both very creative and love the small pleasures such as a stunning sunset, a good joke, a lie in on a sunday and a nice walk in the woods.

I guess its all about perspective, and people cope differently after the same situations.

I personally think that its a natural part of parenthood to want to give your kids everything, but if you give them enough love it doesnt matter if they have everything they want or nothing atall

That's wonderful. You said that so well So many of the best things in life are free aren't they.

Hubby and I adore sitting watching a sunset over the hills. I gain delight in seeing all the colourful snails come out in the hedgerow in summer after rain has fallen. I watch the wild birds on the feeders outside and can lose myself for ages doing so.

I hope to share my enthusiasm for such delights to our children. And that they will enjoy it with me and hubby as they grow. And along the way a few treats also A balance I hope we as a family can all get along with. Hubby is very much like me in this thinking so I like to think we'll do ok.

I'm still smiling at your words there. I found them really touching. Thank you