Can't wait any longer

[Leannef88]

Hi Guys,

I have been in a relationship with my OH now for 3 years and I am fully ready to start a family. He is 20 years my senior, I am 26 therefore I am anxious that as he gets older it may become more difficult to conceive.

He is not as enthusiastic as me in terms of starting a family. I feel like I am waiting for the go ahead from him to stop taking my BC. We have spoken about it a lot (always me that brings the subject up) and he has convinced me that we can discuss again in August 2014.

I am scared that a) come August he will still be using the same excuse of not being financially stable (which we totally are, he has a fantastic job and earns a very good salary) yes we are paying off a few debts monthly but nothing major.

I currently work a 9 to 5 office job which is good money but I really don't enjoy it, I feel like I don't belong here, all I want to do is have a baby and be a mother.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you xxxxx

 

[pips]

It's hard when you feel your priorities aren't your oh's, isn't it? Your story reminds me of mine not that long ago. The thing is some men are only ready to be fathers when they're holding their wee ones in their arms. Maybe that's the case for your partner, especially since he's lived his life with only himself to look after.
What i'd recommend is to use a contraceptive that can be stopped quickly and doesn't affect your cycle so that when he's ready you can get cracking immadiately good luck!

 

[nfeeney90]

Yeh i agree if you are on the pill maybe come off it now and try non-hormonal contraception for a while as the pill can muck things up ive been off it a year and not even ovulating yet, maybe let him know it can take months-years to conceive when you want it x

 

[Leannef88]

Thank you both for your replies, it means a lot to speak to other people that understand. Most people I speak to just brush it under the carpet and I feel like I am not being taken seriously.

I think what you said about not being ready to be a father until they are in their arms is so true and I think very true in his case because when I do tell him i am pregnant there is not much he can do haha and I am sure would be over the moon. I just wish the enthusiasm was shared so I could feel excited about it rather than depressed and fearful!

I have mentioned to him it could take months, even years, I think it went in one ear and out of the other but maybe I will broach the subject again soon when the timing is right.

At times I feel like 'baby' to his ears is like a swear word!

 

[LynneK]

Def agree with the girls above. I stopped taking cerazette in oct 2012 and have yet to have even a sniff of a bfp!! I'm hoping this year is our year! Good luck to you too when ur oh is ready mrs x

 

[Eryinera]

My OH wasn't ready when we had our first I told him it could take years so we should start not stopping things (I am allergic to the pill so that wasn't a problem for me) I was expecting it to take ages but I fell pregnant almost immediately which we wasn't expecting nor prepared for we truly thought it would take ages. When I told my OH he got a nosebleed and he was worried scared and all the rest right until he baby was born. Now he is a much much better parent than me. I am shocked by how naturally fatherhood has come to him. I only wish I was half as good a partner/parent as he is. So even if he doesn't initially take the news well things may just work out perfectly in the end.

 

[MayBMore]

Hey

You mentioned that you think your OH is using finances as an excuse to not have the conversation...do you think there might be underlying reasons? (maybe he has his own fears too?). I think this is a bit of a tough one as I could imagine if I were you I'd want to get to the bottom of why he keeps brushing it off when it's so important in your mind. Whilst I think it really is important to have both parties consenting, I think some guys find it awkward to talk about anything to do with babies and could even be off-putting for them. I reckon before you spring out a surprise BFP you need to be as sure as you can be that it's what you both want.

I wish you all the best! These men can be confusing creatures at times but you've got to love em

 

[Vixx]

I wonder if you might have a point there Stacey...
My OH is so keen on the idea, and was the first one to bring up us having a baby, when we hadnt been together very long, but no whenever I mention the idea, he literally just says a yes, or mumbles, its either as if hes backing out of the idea (which Im sure its not) or hes just not comfortable talking about it? Im really not sure which. Its almost as if he mentions the idea and then when its actually serious talk about it, he feels uncomfortable and tries to get off the subject, I dont understand them! And they are us women are confusing....!! xx

 

[MayBMore]

Yep Vixx my bloke was the same too...even tho we had discussed it before and I knew he wanted to TTC (and agreed to stop contraception) I just knew not to mention it too much as it might've been a passion killer...I just turned on the charm at the right moment hehe and was pregnant (1st cycle) two weeks after I came off the pill taaadaaa! haha I seriously doubt I'll be that lucky next time, that was freakily quick! x