bonding/attachment during pregnancy

[nmwb]

Hello (soon-to-be) mom/dads,

I am a master student studying healthcare policy in the Netherlands, and I am trying to find out about the perceived importance of bonding/attachment during pregnancy and what expecting parents do about it. You would help me a lot by telling me:

1. How important is it for you to bond during pregnancy on a 0-10 scale (0= not important at all, 10 = extremely important)
2. What are effective ways to increase the feeling of bonding?
3. Sex (female/male)

(in this case bonding is a feeling of closeness to your baby during the pregnancy)

Thanks so much in advance!

 

[Selina13]

To be honest in my first pregnancy I don't think I particularly 'bonded' as such. I was really depressed and in pain with SPD so didn't do all of the things baby books suggested, examples of things like playing music or talking to/singing to baby.
That being said, I really really looked forward to meeting my baby and did lots of preparing- maybe in a way this was my way of bonding as I was preparing for him to be here. I did rub my tummy and he did have a regular pattern of movement which I enjoyed.

In this pregnancy again I have SPD and a toddler to look after so again things are similar other than feeling depressed. Im really looking forward to my second son arriving and I think about him and wonder what he will be like and as with my first already love him.

I knew the genders by 16 weeks and I think that helps with me building up an idea on names and thinking about them as a person but thats a personal thing to me and their dad.

So I would say that its important to bond with your baby whilst pregnant however I think its more important for when they are actually here. So 7/10 whilst pregnant and 10/10 once born.

Ideas for bonding for me were really keeping myself healthy (body and mind), preparing the baby items, enjoying their movements and preparing in my mind the idea of them being part of the family and picking names. Ultrasound scans were helpful too seeing baby nade it feel more real!

Finding out gender was important to me and both of mine are boys which Im happy about.

It might be important to add that both of my babies were planned and wanted. We have experienced losses so I think we have just been grateful to have these blessings.

 

[nmwb]

To be honest in my first pregnancy I don't think I particularly 'bonded' as such. I was really depressed and in pain with SPD so didn't do all of the things baby books suggested, examples of things like playing music or talking to/singing to baby.
That being said, I really really looked forward to meeting my baby and did lots of preparing- maybe in a way this was my way of bonding as I was preparing for him to be here. I did rub my tummy and he did have a regular pattern of movement which I enjoyed.

In this pregnancy again I have SPD and a toddler to look after so again things are similar other than feeling depressed. Im really looking forward to my second son arriving and I think about him and wonder what he will be like and as with my first already love him.

I knew the genders by 16 weeks and I think that helps with me building up an idea on names and thinking about them as a person but thats a personal thing to me and their dad.

So I would say that its important to bond with your baby whilst pregnant however I think its more important for when they are actually here. So 7/10 whilst pregnant and 10/10 once born.

Ideas for bonding for me were really keeping myself healthy (body and mind), preparing the baby items, enjoying their movements and preparing in my mind the idea of them being part of the family and picking names. Ultrasound scans were helpful too seeing baby nade it feel more real!

Finding out gender was important to me and both of mine are boys which Im happy about.

It might be important to add that both of my babies were planned and wanted. We have experienced losses so I think we have just been grateful to have these blessings.

Hey, thank you so much for the detailed and open reply! The information is really useful. Regarding the ultrasounds, did you also do 3D ultrasound or were the basic 2D ones enough for bonding?

 

[Selina13]

Just the basic 2d ones were ok for us.

 

[Blank_Page]

This is my first pregnancy. I have been so ill with hyperemesis and due to losing so much weight, feeling terrible and not showing properly until 19ish weeks it was very hard to get excited about being pregnant. I've only recently started to feel a bond with my baby since they started kicking! I still have a tiny bump and am very ill but my baby is in great health and very active. Now I feel worried if they aren't kicking much. I find myself now talking to them when they are kicking a lot. We have chosen to keep the gender a surprise but I have always felt it is a boy for no particular reason. I've found that letting my hubby feel the kicks and the scans great for him bonding with the baby. I didn't feel very bonded at the 12 week scan because I couldn't feel anything so it just felt like watching a video. At 20 weeks I could feel them trying to dodge and kick the scanner as I watched them do it so it was a lot more real

 

[Hollyhotlips]

Hello (soon-to-be) mom/dads,

1. How important is it for you to bond during pregnancy on a 0-10 scale (0= not important at all, 10 = extremely important)
2. What are effective ways to increase the feeling of bonding?
3. Sex (female/male)

(in this case bonding is a feeling of closeness to your baby during the pregnancy)

Thanks so much in advance!

1 - I would say 10 on the scale; I think it gets you more ready to love and embrace the baby once it's born. It has always been important to me to bond in pregnancy. I have a 3 year old daughter and I spent a lot of time thinking about her, talking to her, playing music to her and also wrote a diary every day that I will give her when she's older (this was all whilst she was in utero). I found out her sex and so we named her in utero which may have helped the bonding. I am 5 months pregnant with my 2nd child and am just starting to feel movement so am starting to feel a real attachment. I don't have as much time to spend talking to and thinking about this baby and also we are not going to find out the sex so I do wonder if this will change how much I bond with baby before birth.
2 - as above; talking to baby either out loud or in your head, having quiet time to feel baby move, making decisions during the day based on babies needs, playing music to baby, buying clothes and little bits ready for arrival, talking to other people about your baby, scans, listening to heartbeat....
3- I am female

 

[nmwb]

Thank you so much for the explanation! Do you feel that the need to bond increasing as the pregnancy progresses? All the best!

 

[nmwb]

This is my first pregnancy. I have been so ill with hyperemesis and due to losing so much weight, feeling terrible and not showing properly until 19ish weeks it was very hard to get excited about being pregnant. I've only recently started to feel a bond with my baby since they started kicking! I still have a tiny bump and am very ill but my baby is in great health and very active. Now I feel worried if they aren't kicking much. I find myself now talking to them when they are kicking a lot. We have chosen to keep the gender a surprise but I have always felt it is a boy for no particular reason. I've found that letting my hubby feel the kicks and the scans great for him bonding with the baby. I didn't feel very bonded at the 12 week scan because I couldn't feel anything so it just felt like watching a video. At 20 weeks I could feel them trying to dodge and kick the scanner as I watched them do it so it was a lot more real

Thank you so much for the explanation! Do you feel that the need to bond increasing as the pregnancy progresses? All the best!

 

[Hollyhotlips]

Thank you so much for the explanation! Do you feel that the need to bond increasing as the pregnancy progresses? All the best!

I don't think the need to bond increases as such. I think you just naturally bond more as baby gets bigger and more noticeable I am dreaming a lot about baby at the moment!

 

[Shanivy]

Hello (soon-to-be) mom/dads,

I am a master student studying healthcare policy in the Netherlands, and I am trying to find out about the perceived importance of bonding/attachment during pregnancy and what expecting parents do about it. You would help me a lot by telling me:

1. How important is it for you to bond during pregnancy on a 0-10 scale (0= not important at all, 10 = extremely important)
2. What are effective ways to increase the feeling of bonding?
3. Sex (female/male)

(in this case bonding is a feeling of closeness to your baby during the pregnancy)

Thanks so much in advance!

Mother of 1, ttc for 2. I think everyone is different tbh.

1. Its obviously important to bond however for me I struggled to bond for the first few months as I was so afraid of miscarriage (again). I had a hard pregnancy with lots of scares. And my daughter was beyond wanted. Every pain was worst case scenario. If you want a scale the bonding during pregnancy would be an 8-10. Id say a lot of mothers (and fathers tbh) don't really achieve that real bonding experience until the baby is born, perhaps after.

My partner was super excited for baby but he definitely never bonded with her until he held her. The honestly fell in love with her by the time id had stitches lol.


2. I felt closest to my baby early hours when she'd kick me and move about inside me at night when it was only me and her. I also think seeing them on a scan helps. And the whole ritual of buying their clothes, cot, doing up the the nursery etc makes them feel more real and helps bonding before baby is born. Especially with a 1st baby. But like I said for me personally although I felt protective of her, and wanted her to arrive healthy and safe and loved her... I never really bonded with her until I met her.

3. Im obviously female with my post lol


Hope this makes sense and helps

 

[nmwb]

Hello (soon-to-be) mom/dads,

I am a master student studying healthcare policy in the Netherlands, and I am trying to find out about the perceived importance of bonding/attachment during pregnancy and what expecting parents do about it. You would help me a lot by telling me:

1. How important is it for you to bond during pregnancy on a 0-10 scale (0= not important at all, 10 = extremely important)
2. What are effective ways to increase the feeling of bonding?
3. Sex (female/male)

(in this case bonding is a feeling of closeness to your baby during the pregnancy)

Thanks so much in advance!

Mother of 1, ttc for 2. I think everyone is different tbh.

1. Its obviously important to bond however for me I struggled to bond for the first few months as I was so afraid of miscarriage (again). I had a hard pregnancy with lots of scares. And my daughter was beyond wanted. Every pain was worst case scenario. If you want a scale the bonding during pregnancy would be an 8-10. Id say a lot of mothers (and fathers tbh) don't really achieve that real bonding experience until the baby is born, perhaps after.

My partner was super excited for baby but he definitely never bonded with her until he held her. The honestly fell in love with her by the time id had stitches lol.


2. I felt closest to my baby early hours when she'd kick me and move about inside me at night when it was only me and her. I also think seeing them on a scan helps. And the whole ritual of buying their clothes, cot, doing up the the nursery etc makes them feel more real and helps bonding before baby is born. Especially with a 1st baby. But like I said for me personally although I felt protective of her, and wanted her to arrive healthy and safe and loved her... I never really bonded with her until I met her.

3. Im obviously female with my post lol


Hope this makes sense and helps

Thanks! Super helpful and definitely makes sense. All the best!