Bedtime routine vs MIL... what would you do?

[daftscotslass]

Basically next week we are off to NL and from there we are going to Croatia for a week with parents in law for their 40th anniversary. The only thing we're paying for is our flight to Holland so I suppose I shouldn't be looking a gift horse in the mouth.

To set the scene we have a nephew with a rigorous routine. He HAS to have somewhere to sleep for his afternoon nap. He HAS to be in bed by this time. Whatever we do when we're with him and PIL it revolves around his need for sleep. Fair enough, I totally understand that and it works well for him

Now we've been TOLD that we're not taking our buggy to Croatia. We've been TOLD we're taking SIL's pram (similar to Maxi Cosi Mura) because it has a carrycot attachment and car seat. I'm going to have enough luggage to faff about with - I don't want to have to fart about with a big 3 piece pram.

Then I found out the REAL reason - MIL wants to go out and have dinner. We've been TOLD that Rebecca will sleep, in the restaurant, in the pram. We have worked our backsides off for MONTHS getting her into a routine of bath, bottle, bed and finally having her settle the night. The fact is, she's unsettled for days if we suddenly change something. I don't mind her napping in the pram/falling asleep when she's tired in the day but I don't want to have my almost 5 month old baby out til all hours in a pram to then have to lift her back into a car seat to come back to where we're staying at god knows what hour.

Am I being totally unreasonable and inflexible? Is there a compromise somewhere someone can suggest that I'm not thinking of? I'm just so peed off that the world revolves around my nephew's naps and night sleep but we can bugger about with Becky's routine until the cows come home. However since my nephew is coming too I'm hoping SIL will say something about it - because I'm always the big ol' meanie!

 

[Bloom]

Thats a tough one i really think its down to the individual if you feel strongly about it then you should stick to your guns shes your baby and you know whats best. What sort of accomodation have you got if its self catering could you maybe have meals at your place after dd is on bed? Or just go out for one evening as a compromise.

We are going on our hols soon with the inlaws and we are going to put DD in the pram to sleep in the evenings but like i said its a personal choice.

 

[daftscotslass]

It's a self-catering villa we're staying in. I don't mind going out as a one off. I think it's more the principal that we will actually drive home/back to where we're staying when we're out and about with our nephew so he can have his nap or go to bed on time (this has always been the way) yet it's fine to take my 5 month old out till all hours!

 

[Bloom]

Thats a bit unfair maybe you need to put your foot down like your SIL has with her son once they know that your not prepared to upset her routine then they work round it like they do with your nephew.

If you have villa then theres plenty of room to have dinner at home.

Hope you have a nice time.

 

[loz]

Can you suggest that you go somewhere nice for lunch instead as a compromise? TBH if there are 2 small kids in the family your MIL should respect that they need to be at home in the evening and not be carted about all over the place.

We try and do more stuff during the day rather than evening with friends as it disrupts Emms. Maybe if you went out for a family meal at lunchtime together and then MIL could go out in the evening with some of you while some stay with LOs?

 

[Leese]

Maybe the lunchtime idea would be a solution? We had a similar issue when we were abroad with my parents and PIL when James was 5 months. They really wanted to go out for dinner with all of us and I felt like such a baddie saying I didn't want to take James out at night. But, he was an incredibly unsettled baby and the bedtime routine was the only one we had. I was told it wouldn't matter for one night, but I know that when he was unavoidably kept up after we got back, the next few nights were a mess. It does seem unfair that Becky's routine isn't perceived to be as important as your nephew's.

 

[Sherlock]

I'd go the lunchtime solution and put your foot down about the evening.

Both childrens bedtimes should be respected. If your SIL is listened to then your MIL needs to listen to you also.

Do you think because you live overseas and she does not spend so much time with you she tends to be a bit bossy and takes charge of it all? I'd start putting your foot down and sticking to what you want re your bedtimes and so on. Life will be miserable if you let it go now as it'll mean chances are in the future you'll have the same thing happening over and over whenever you get together. Nip it in the bud. You are her parents and know what is best, so go with it.

 

[Lola's Mummy]

I'd go the lunchtime solution and put your foot down about the evening.

I'd do this too, If Lola had a routine

 

[daftscotslass]

Do you think because you live overseas and she does not spend so much time with you she tends to be a bit bossy and takes charge of it all?

Basically I think you're right. She gets upset that she's so detached from our lives (though we are on the phone all the time and over there as much as poss etc) and as a result she tends to speak before she thinks. It makes it especially hard that OH is basically a big mummy's boy and is much closer to his mum than his sister - his sister is like me and calls a spade a spade whereas OH just goes with what his mum wants to keep her sweet!

SIL came up trumps today, she was on the phone to me about it first thing. She's hiring someone in to cook a special meal for us at the house!!

Thanks all

 

[debecca]

Good news!

Personally I don't do ANYTHING that disturb's Connie's evening routine but during the day she can sleep absolutely anywhere at any time - which I personally think is much more practical and better for her than a strict sleeping routine at daytime? At least at this age.

Anyway now she goes off at 7.30pm within about 30 seconds no fuss whatsoever no crying and there is NO WAY ON EARTH I'm disturbing that so I know exactly where you're coming from.

Out of interest, do you think teachers are more keen to keep routine?

 

[daftscotslass]

Good news!
Out of interest, do you think teachers are more keen to keep routine?

SHHHHHH!!!

 

[kalia]

I must be a pants teacher then - I haven't worn a watch for around 6 months now
In theory she goes to bed at 7.30 but in practise it's give or take an hour depending on if she is looking sleepy
And if I don't know what she wants during the day and I know she's fed I take her out in the pushchair as she sleeps if she's tired and plays and looks round if she's not

Yay for your SIL!

 

[Leese]

So glad, now there's not a problem. also good that you and your SIL can put up a united front. My OH thought I was being silly so I felt really unsupported. He's normally great, think it was just cos his and my parents were out, we were on holiday etc...

 

[Happybunny]

It is great your MIL sorted it out and reaches a great compromise. I definately think it was worth sticking to your guns.

We were away with all of OH's family this weekend for his sister's wedding. My MIL wanted my baby to sleep in a pram when everyone had dinner on the night before the wedding and on the evening do.
I wasn't having it at all. April goes to bed between 7 and 8. I decided to let them all get on with what they wanted to do - I took April back to our room about 6ish on both nights. My sis did the same with her little girl, so we had each other for company.

 

[lisa&alex]

good news..

i would take my own prma though xx