Baby...engagement...when will it happen?

[Loz27]

I am just having one of those moments again where I wonder when will be my time. I feel like I want some exciting commitment in my life like an engagement or finally becoming pregnant. I have been trying since September 2011 and still no sign of a baby, but lately I have managed not to think about it too much and let it get to me yet this month I have started to imagine symptoms again and I don't want to get back in that state again as it drove me crazy!

I am the most impatient person ever but I just want a baby so bad and seen as though that ain't happening anytime soon I feel I need to fill a void like an engagement haha! Why don't men think like us women, if it was up to me we would be married by now but my OH says he is waiting til he has enough money and for the right time. He won't even let me get a pet just for something I can nurture and give all my love to.

Does anyone else feel like this?

x

 

[Babybushie28]

Hi loz,

I am with you!! I'd been in a job that I hated and was trying and failing to get a new one, as well as ttc I needed some good news or something life changing! After each interview rejection I told myself I must be getting my bfp instead, but nothing at all, we've been trying since sept 11 as well.

Last month finally got offered a job with a fantastic company and it's the distraction I need and I now don't want to get preggers for at least 6 months so we are ntnp for now! As the job pays more than my last one and is in a toy shop I'm convinced I was meant to wait for this before getting my bfp!

Busy yourselves with holidays and spontaneous nights out just because you can, this should help distract you untill you get your bfp

Xxxx

 

[Ladylaura23]

Aww haha I feel the same, like i need something to look forward too and focus on! We have been engaged for about 3 years now but he won't get married because he thinks it's pointless?! What's the point in asking me then?! Lol but I'm not too fussed as I don't like attention so wouldn't want a big wedding, but on the other hand I would love to get married abroad on a beach or in Vegas or something

At least he knows you want to get engaged he might surprise you? How long ago did he say he's waiting for the money because it could all be a plan to throw u off scent

It is frustrating though, it's like when Christmas is over and you have nothing left to look forward too! Coming and nosing on here is a BIG help for me! X

 

[Loz27]

Aww thanks guys its good to know that I am not the only one (not meaning that in a bad way). I just feel like I am stuck and I feel that now is the right time for everything - I am happy, in love, got a job that would be real easy for working in during pregnancy, happy in my home with my partner but just feel like a huge commitment is missing. I hate hearing stories where people have been trying for years and still not pregnant and I dread to think what I will be like if that ever happens to me, I'll be a nervous wreck! Are you two still trying to get pregnant then? They say the more you try and think about the less it will happen but I cannot stop thinking about it ever, its all I think about!

Well about 6 months into our relationship he said he was lookin at rings and then when i asked him what happened to that last month he said that his money turned bad and he knew he couldn't afford it now. He says he doesn't wanna lose me and he can't wait to marry me, we mention it all the time yet he does nothing about it. If he loves me that much surely he would have done it by now wouldn't he! I'm not one for expensive rings I'm not a big fan of jewellery, I would be happy with a Haribo ring so I dunno why he can't afford it! And its not the wedding I am bothered about just the fact we have a commitment before we have a baby.

OMG LadyLaura I can't believe he hasn't married you yet...have you made any plans? Yeah like you said what is the point of proposing if you are never gonna follow it through and have a wedding. You should tell him!

Thanks for your comments it cheers me up letting it all out...so anything you wanna spill just let it out haha xx

 

[janinesboutiqu]

Hiya Loz.. I can really relate to you there.. my OH has always said "we will get married" & that he wants to get married but then anniversarys past, birthdays, christmas' etc and nothing ever happens ha! I've even planned in my head the dress I want, where I want to get married, who's invited etc everything! I think I get down about that more so than the baby thing because at least we are both trying for a baby together like a joint approach whereas the wedding thing is me waiting on him to pull his finger out and ask me hehe!! bloody men!! xxx

 

[Loz27]

Hi Janine,

It is sooo frustrating ain't it, it's like they are not bothered and can happily just plod along. I just want some commitment and something to look forward to. I am exactly the same with picking everything now and everytime I mention getting engaged before we have a baby he just kicks up a fuss and tells me it will happen when it happens. How long have you both been together?

I even asked him as a joke on leap year and he said no because he wanted to do it! Well bloody do it then haha! What is it with them?!xx

 

[Ladylaura23]

OMG LadyLaura I can't believe he hasn't married you yet...have you made any plans? Yeah like you said what is the point of proposing if you are never gonna follow it through and have a wedding. You should tell him!

Nope no plans I have said that to him many times he just says being engaged is the extra 'commitment' we needed in our relationship at that time! I used to get really upset about it but to be honest I'm kind of used to it now - and I hate his surname anyway haha! Maybe one day

I've only been off pill 3 months so not expecting it to happen anytime soon. You'll be before me I'm sure!

I think you should "accidentally" leave this up on your computer for him to read - then he might invest in the Haribo ring idea! (but hope he doesn't read this post haha) X

 

[janinesboutiqu]

hehehe.. the day before the 29th feb i said to him.. are you nervous babe!? he looked confused and said about what?? I just smiled + said tomorrow... & then he clocked and laughed and said a similar thing to your OH about letting him do it...

we've only been together just over 2 years but as soon as met we knew instantly we wanted to have a future together. I'm 26, he's 32, i think before meeting him when i experienced the end of a 7 year relationship with someone else that made me realise when i met my OH how special he was and how right it felt (yes i know im being cheesy lol) im sure it will happen for us both one day "when the time is right" as they say haha.. both babies and marriage good luck hun, we need to learn to be more patient!! xx

 

[Babybushie28]

Just to add, I'm dying for my oh to propose!! We've been together for 3yrs in a few weeks, I was dropping hints like crazy but now I'm thinking if I pressure him he won't do it! I watched the proposal on towie last night and he was like "what a loser for doing that!" it really upset me, as it was so romantic!!
Maybe I should just propose to him lol

 

[Loz27]

I know but I think it is the mans job to propose and how much more hints do we have to give them. I don't need to even give hints I just tell him then he gets all stress head on me!

I always try and put films on that have weddings and proposals on and he always looks at me when they happen but I mean we've been together two years and nothing has happened. The thing that confuses me is why he was looking at engagement rings 6 months in then just not mentioned a word now...probably got to know the real me haha! Plus he calls me wifey so i told him he cannot call me that until it means something. An engagement would be cheaper than a baby anyway! Although I hope I get both

When is the time right though girls? The time always feels right haha xx

 

[janinesboutiqu]

my OH did the same, was looking at engagement rings and talkig about weddings etc after a few months of being together and then has quieten down about it ever since - men grr! But ladies saying that, us three have all been waiting between 2-3 years - thats not that long in the grand scheme of things is it!? It helps me sometimes to remind myself that some of my close friends have been with their partners like 8 or 10 years before getting engaged/married, 2-3 years is nothing really! & I'm sure we won't have to wait much longer, I have a sneaky suspicision my OH will propse at some point within the next year (as long as I try not to go on about it and put him off haha).. I guess we'll just have to be patient and wait! It will be worth it in the end & will feel good to know we havn't pressurised them lol & they have done it out of choice xx

 

[wannabe.pg]

what is it with men, my oh kept telling me he would propose and we WILL get married but all the time I am expecting it he wont do it coz he wants it to be a surprise, oh and no I cant propose to him on leap year day either. anyway, got to the point where I thought what is the point in waiting, I dont want to get preggers before being married and if he's not wanting to commit then maybe I should just leave, like you said, birthdays, anniversarys and everything came and went, the ideal time to propose but he didnt. anyway, realised he was never going to do it and then one day he proposed out of the blue, complete shock to me!!! We got married 5 months later and now we are TTC. That was July 23 he proposed so I was hoping to be pregnant by then so I could say it all happened in a year but nothing's happening on the baby front at the moment.

Anyway ladies, the only advice I can give is to make him think that you dont really give a crap about being married and he might just surprise you, I hope so xxxx

 

[Blueflower]

Its so frustrating isn't it! I first mentioned babies to my partner when we'd been together 2 years and I was 35, already worrying I was getting too old! He totally freaked out and ignored me! It took him a year to propose and then we got married when I was 38. We needed to get a bigger place but that was taking ages so he agreed to start trying for a baby last year. We've now moved house and I'm nearly 40! It all takes so long! I hope we haven't left it too late. He is younger than me and wasn't ready for ages, then when he was ready, he expected me to get pregnant straight away! He's really lovely but its been so frustrating!

 

[janinesboutiqu]

what is it with men, my oh kept telling me he would propose and we WILL get married but all the time I am expecting it he wont do it coz he wants it to be a surprise, oh and no I cant propose to him on leap year day either. anyway, got to the point where I thought what is the point in waiting, I dont want to get preggers before being married and if he's not wanting to commit then maybe I should just leave, like you said, birthdays, anniversarys and everything came and went, the ideal time to propose but he didnt. anyway, realised he was never going to do it and then one day he proposed out of the blue, complete shock to me!!! We got married 5 months later and now we are TTC. That was July 23 he proposed so I was hoping to be pregnant by then so I could say it all happened in a year but nothing's happening on the baby front at the moment.

Anyway ladies, the only advice I can give is to make him think that you dont really give a crap about being married and he might just surprise you, I hope so xxxx

Ahh thats a lovely little story to read hun, has really made me smile (&given me hope! hehe)... I'm going to take your advice hun... My plan now is to not mention anything wedding related for at least another 6 months see what happens! ... I bet give me another few years and everything will come in one go (engagement, babies, wedding etc) & I will probably wish I would have taken more time to spread out the good times rather than rush it all at once -that would be typical ha! But at the min I am really enjoying the TTC journey so the holding off on the wedding thing for now isnt bugging me too much just gotta hope I stick out with my more relaxed new approach girls eh, what are we like! xx

 

[Babybushie28]

Ha ha! We are never happy, but at least we have hope! Wannabe.pg you inspire me lol!

Our two best friends got engaged recently and they've been dating the same amount of time, so a little part of me is hoping he can see its not that scary! But they aren't ready for kiddies yet so he thinks our ttc journey is enough of a commitment for now lol I think when we are preggers, girls and they fall so in love with us for carrying their child that they'll wanna propose!!!!

Xxx

 

[sandygems]

Thank god I've found this thread!!!

I am in exactly the same position. I've been with oh for three years now and we started ttc in april this year. There have been so many times that i thought he was going to propose and then he hasnt, he often thinks i dont like my presents or i've had a bad holiday cos i always get so excited thinking is he going to? and then he doesnt and i feel like a fool. We've spoken about marraige a lot, and about 8 months ago he said to me 'dont ask anymore cos you'll ruin the surprise'... starting to wonder if the surprise is that he's not going to ask?!

we talked about ttc a lot over the years but i got a new job and had to pass a post grad cert to keep it, finished it in november last year, talked about ttc again but im bridesmaid in two weeks tims so we agreed to wait to try until april in case i feel straight away (huh! if only!) Everymonth I think this is it, then everymonth bfn, last month i was 5 days late which has confused me even more as to when my fertile window is. I'm trying not to obsess and get myself down, but the usually monthly pms low mood doesnt help that at all.

dear me its fun being a girl!

 

[Loz27]

Ha i totally understand you. When is the right time coz that feels like all the time to me!

I thought about the don't mention any engagement things to get him off the scent but I can't help it...the more I try not to say things I end up blurting it all out! I just feel if they loved you that much surely they would wanna snatch you up before someone else did...I mean what are they waiting for? I just want a commitment thats all.

If I think about the engagement it gets me stressed then if I think about the fact I can't get pregnant yet that makes me stress so all in all none of it is going to happen because I am too bloody impatient lol!

I'm glad to hear that it is men in general though and mine just is the only laid back one! I find myself getting so jealous of everyone though and I need to stop it because it gets me down then my OH moans at me for comparing us to everyone else lol! Can't win!

Is it some kind of test we have to pass before they decide that we are marriage material lol???xxx

 

[2184cat]

I am in a new job now and ideally need my 6 months to be up to get my permenant contract (which is end of next month!:-0) I got married in August last year and even with the new job, after the wedding I felt empty because I didn't have anything else to organise, nothing to do with my spare time.I love my job so much byt life doesn't revolve around work so my hubby and I sat down and decided to start trying last monthand Ifeelbetterfr tryingas I again have something to try for.

I have just found busying yourself with random thinshelp and a other people have said, plan a holiday and other exciting things and count down the days to them to give you things to move forward to and look forward to coming.

Big hugs xxxxxxxx

 

[Babybushie28]

Loz, you think the same as me!!! If they really want to be with us get s ringer on it!
My oh always jokes about what well be like when we're old and grey which makes me think he does want to e with me forever but he's just not interested in marriage.

Xxx