any advice??

[chezzabell]

I have had terrible time potty training my daughter who turned 3 in July, i have tried everything posted on here a couple times for help aswell, over the summer the health visitor has been involed trying everything aswell, Sophie hasnt been using nappies during the day but will not sit on potty or toilet.

So basically Sophie was supposed to start nursery 9am Monday morning and yesterday at 3pm we had a home visit from the school and the nursery teacher said she doesnt think the school will accpet Sophie cos she doesnt sit on toilet, i told them that in the 2 and half hours Sophie will be there she may only have 1 accident, but they still refused cos they dont have the staff to change Sophie. I recived a phone call from the head teacher later on that afternoon to tell me that they will not accept Sophie at all till she can use the toilet, they will keep her place open untill she is rdy.

So as u can imagine I am gutted and i feel i have failed as a mum

Does anyone know or can anyone give me advice can they refuse her?????

 

[libs]

Yes they can - our nursery also doesn't accept children who aren't dry - really you can understand them - clearing up an occasional accident is ok - but having it do it every day (maybe more than once) is a little unfair. I wouldn't worry too much though - you'll probably find that one day very soon, she'll suddenly switch on to the training

 

[xSuzx]

As libs says you'll proberly find she will be ready very soon in her owne time.

You are not at all in anyway a failure, all children do things at different times, Callum was about sophies age (maybe even abit older) when he potty trained himself, I had tried before but he was having accidents and obviously wasn't ready.

Then one day he just said mummy I want to wear bigboy pants, so I just explained that he could wear pants but had to tell me when he needed the wee or poo and that he had to use the toilet, I think in the 2 weeks after we only had one accident, so they will do it when they feel ready.

I know this might seem a weird question but does she come to the toilet with you? this might help as she'll find it less frightening and see it is what "big girls" do.

Anywho good luck and try not to worry, she is perfectly normal and you are doing a fantastic job.

xSuzx

 

[chezzabell]

As libs says you'll proberly find she will be ready very soon in her owne time.

You are not at all in anyway a failure, all children do things at different times, Callum was about sophies age (maybe even abit older) when he potty trained himself, I had tried before but he was having accidents and obviously wasn't ready.

Then one day he just said mummy I want to wear bigboy pants, so I just explained that he could wear pants but had to tell me when he needed the wee or poo and that he had to use the toilet, I think in the 2 weeks after we only had one accident, so they will do it when they feel ready.

I know this might seem a weird question but does she come to the toilet with you? this might help as she'll find it less frightening and see it is what "big girls" do.

Anywho good luck and try not to worry, she is perfectly normal and you are doing a fantastic job.

xSuzx

Hun i have treid everything and i mean everything she sees mammy go to the toilet, she even sees her little friends using the potty and big toilet, iam totally at my wits ends about the thing, and totally updet she cant start nursery tommorrow

 

[libs]

Do you stress about it in front of her or with her? You may find if you just ignore it for a little while she'll get less stressed too? Or is she recieving more attention by not being dry?

You've also had a new baby in the house - she may not want to be the "big girl" because she actually quite liked being the baby. So she'll hold onto her nappies as long as possible.

Does she know she can't go nursery because of it? Depending whether she wants to go or not - she may be purposely avoiding it as she doesn't want to go to nursery or if she wants to go it may be that you can use that as a deal?

 

[budge]

Yes they can - our nursery also doesn't accept children who aren't dry - really you can understand them - clearing up an occasional accident is ok - but having it do it every day (maybe more than once) is a little unfair. I wouldn't worry too much though - you'll probably find that one day very soon, she'll suddenly switch on to the training

ditto - your daughter will do it in her own time.
Don't push her. Just stop trying for a few months then try again. This can often work wonders. You haven't failed as a mum at all. All children are different and she may not be ready to move on in this area of her development yet. My second daughter was 2 and a half before she even sat on a potty - let alone wee'd on one! the little imps like to keep us stressed out

 

[lauramumof2]

We had that problem, she wouldnt sit on the potty or toilet at all. This was at 2 and a half. I found that it was the seat that was the problem. I ended up getting her a soft seated potty from tesco. This can also fit over the toilet seat. It was something as simple as that. Then we made a fuss over the pants and it went from there. It was quite literally the case that one day she wasnt doing and the next she was.

I can see the similarities you are talking about and obviously the baby has a lot to do with that. When other people were doing potty training I was struggling to cope with a newborn. I tell her that joe is just a baby and he pees himself,therefore has to wear nappies. I try to big her up so that she thinks she is the clever one. I also let her pick where she wanted the potty, let her call the shots.

You are not a bad mum

 

[Ruthy]

It could be due to having a baby in the house,when dylan was born kylie went back to having milk in bottles.

Maybe you should potty train her for the day,and leave a nappy on a night if she still wants to hold onto them.
I think if she see's the other boys and girls her age using the toilet,she'll try to.Good peer pressure!

 

[Squiglet]

Tia took ages to get dry... She would just sit and pee and poop herself and it was so frustrating. I tried everything too... From bribery to ignoring her, to showing her mummy and friends use the toilet...she had a potty, a toilet looking potty, a toilet seat. Everything you can imagine and more, and still she was in pull ups all the time. I tried putting her in just knickers to see if she could feel that she was wet, but it just cost me a fortune in cleaning all the time. I even got in the routine of putting her on the potty at specific times of the day, like clockwork. I'd put her on for 10 mins, nothing would happen, she would whinge to get up, she'd walk off and 10 seconds later she would pee herself!!!!!!! It was exasperating, I honestly thought there was something wrong.

What it turned out to be was that me and my ex were having a really difficult time... He was violent and aggressive and we just constantly argued...and it obviously affected her emotionally, because on top of that she wasn't talking either.

Eventually I had to leave my ex, and Tia went to Spain to stay with my mum for a week while I got everything sorted and packed back in the UK... Within a week she had started talking and was clean during the day. Within two weeks she was dry at night too.

It's likely that there is something bothering your little girl. If you have just had a new baby then that's probably it. And starting school too, she's probably aware that she needs to be dry for mummy to send her away and spend time with the new baby.... Well that's how she might see it.

Maybe you could give up on the potty training for a while... Just quit.. Put her in pull ups, leave the potty around. Also take her out on her own... to the park or for ice cream... She probably needs to feel special and that you still love her.

My daughter, who's 8, has been dead clingy since we announced that I was pregnant...even to the point that I have to help her get dressed in the morning, stay with her till she falls asleep, she even wet the bed the day after we told her...and she has never been like that before. So even at 8 there has been regression.

She just needs lots of love and reassurance at the moment. Going to school and having a new sibling are huge events in a kids life. I know you want her at school as soon as possible, but she really won't miss much.... Alot of other countries don't send their kids to school until they are 6 and they don't have major educational problems.

In the worst case scenario (because I had this thought with Tia and no doubt you do too), if there is a problem medically, Your HV is aware of the situation and if it really continues beyond a point, she will have her referred for further testing. If the tests come out that she has a problem, she will have a diagnosis, and then the school cannot refuse her. If you get her a statement of needs then the school would have to get her a helper who can care for her needs at school...They can't refuse her due to discrimination against disabled students...

 

[chezzabell]

Thanks so much for ur advice ladies, i have tried all of ur suggestions, and Alastair is one on Wednesday so i would not of thought its cos of him??? i dunno

i have also tried leaving it for a while we did that throught out june and july, i have tried everything. She doesnt wear nappies during the day just at bedtime and all she does is wet and poo herself yesterday and today she held it in for 5 -6 hrs!!!!!

I will speak to HV tomorrow maybe she has got a problem.

I feel so upset about it.

We had a party for Aliastair today and i cant stop feeling so upset have i let her down????

Sorry for going on

 

[lauramumof2]

No, what I meant was that Alistair and Joe are the same age and Sophie and Jess are the sam age. You are experiencing the same problems with getting her to sit on the potty / toilet seat as I did. We should have tried it this time last year but because of the babies it got put on the backburner as with a new baby they say not to try it when they are just born.

Just a though, have you tried putting Alistair on the potty? I was doing this at the same time as getting Jess to do it, he did more than her sometimes.

Dont beat yourself up about this, it will come but be calm, she will pick up your stress.

 

[chezzabell]

Yea ur right i should of done it when Sophie was 2, but HV told me not too cos of Alastair coming

Yep i have even tried putting Alastair on the potty

 

[lauramumof2]

Yea ur right i should of done it when Sophie was 2, but HV told me not too cos of Alastair coming

Yep i have even tried putting Alastair on the potty

I wasnt critisising, there was no way she could have coped with it at 2 what with the new baby. There was no way I could have coped either, I had enough on my plates.

Why cant they just pee

 

[chezzabell]

Yea ur right i should of done it when Sophie was 2, but HV told me not too cos of Alastair coming

Yep i have even tried putting Alastair on the potty

I wasnt critisising, there was no way she could have coped with it at 2 what with the new baby. There was no way I could have coped either, I had enough on my plates.

Why cant they just pee

Hunny i didnt think u were critising