Advice

[susan_1981]

I'm so sorry if this is an insensitive question and please don't answer if you aren't comfortable with it.

I recently suffered a miscarriage. It was my second pregnancy, the first time, I decided to have a termination at around 13 weeks (which is roughly around the time I accepted I was actually pregnant - I put my missed periods down to the stress of my exams). I had many reasons for terminating my pregnancy (and I don't regret it, the only thing I regret was not being careful enough to not get pregnant). A few of the reasons were being too young, I wasn't in love with the father, and certainly didn't want him to be a part of my life forever, I wanted to get a career and I just wasn't ready to be a mum. Anyway, 10 years on (I'm 27), me and my husband started trying for a baby. I got pregnant after about 2 months of trying but unfortunately, I had a missed miscarriage. Found out at my 12 week scan that the baby hadn't developed beyond 7 weeks 2 days. We were absolutely devastated, but I'm hoping it was "just one of those things" as people keep saying as I carried before until about 13 weeks with no problems.

I'm wondering if any of you have suffered an early miscarriage? I'm just looking for hope that I will one day have a happy and healthy pregnancy and you girls are obviously well on your way to having healthy babies. I'd also like to know if any of you got pregnant again before you had your next period after the miscarriage and if all went ok.

Any of your personal experiences would be much appreciated. Again, I apologise if any of you find this question insenstive or offensive in any way xxx

 

[Mik]

Hi Susan, I am so sorry for your loss hun When my middle child was 10 months old I had an early miscarriage (it was my 2nd but this one is more relevant to your questions) I hadn't been aware I was pg as I had been having issues with my periods for a while. They estimated it was 6 weeks gestation.
After 4 weeks I still had not had a period so went to the docs and they sent me to the early pregnancy unit to be checked and I was told I was pregnant. They could not tell at this stage if it was a failed miscarriage, a multiple pregnancy where I had lost one but not the other, or a new pregnancy. I went through 4 weeks of fear until I could be scanned again to find out what had happened. It turned out it was a whole new pregnancy and it went well with us having our daughter the next summer but it was very scary due to the short gap between the miscarriage and pregnancy.
My advice would be to give yourself a little time to recover before trying again I do know my 2nd pregnancy after my first miscarriage was easier than my third but if you do fall again quickly yes it can be a successful pregnancy. I also feel reading between the lines you are now worrying your termination may have affected you apologies if I am wrong but this is so very unlikely and you did the right thing for you at the time please don't feel bad about it now.
Miscarriage is an awful loss and sometimes people can be insensitive about it and expect you to buck up and get over it. Your OH will also be hurting although he is probably trying to be strong for you. Take all the support you can get and feel free to pm me if you need to talk

 

[susan_1981]

Thanks for your reply. Yes, there is a little part of me that is wondering if my termination affected this pregnancy, although the doctor said there is nothing to suggest this is the case. Me and my husband have started trying again but not so actively this month. I know I'll feel a little sad if I do get my period soon but, at the same time, a sense of relief that we can begin trying again properly in the hope that my body is ready to carry again xxx

 

[SpaceAngel]

I had a termination when I was 16. I then went on to have 3 girls. In Feb I found out I was pg, but had a m/c at 10 weeks. We are now tcc again. My Aunt also has 12 m/c, 1 stillbirth, and then went on to have 2 children. So don't give up hope, but do give your body a chance to recover from your m/c.

 

[Rosebay]

So sorry for your loss. I had two miscarriages before this pregnancy- a missed m/c at 10 weeks last September and a very early m/c at 5 weeks in Jan. When I was in hospital after the first m/c (it all happened very suddenly without warning and my body went into shock) the consultant said it was so so common and not to read anything into it but I know how hard it can be to accept this. After I had the second I was even more sure it was never going to happen for me again but there are ladies on here who have got through a lot worse and have had many more losses with no clear explanation and have then had babies and that really helped me try to stay positive.

I also psychologically felt that I needed to do something differently even if it was just for my own peace of mind because I felt that I just couldn't face the 1st tri again after those two losses so I had acupuncture and he told me to have 3 months off TTC. I felt relieved actually at someone telling me to have a break as I had got really worked up and obsessive about it all and I genuinely did feel better in myself after the acupuncture sessions. To be honest I can't say if that made any physical difference to me when we started to TTC again or if actually the value was to my state of mind- I rather think that the latter is true and that actually we just got lucky the third time but I did cope with the uncertainty better when I did get pregnant. I also had an early private scan which cost about £90 at 9 weeks and showed a healthy baby growing, that really helped too as if they can see a fetal pole at 9 weeks there's a much higher chance that the pregnancy is viable and I was beginning to get more and more anxious as it got closer to the m/c point before if you see what I mean?

Just try and stay positive, it will happen for you I'm sure and you won't have done anything to have affected it, it's just one of those cruel things that happens. Give yourself time to get over it in your body and mind if you feel you need it and talk lots to ladies on here who are in a similar position- it really, really helps. I don't know what I would have done without the support of ladies on this board. When I had the first m/c in September there were two other ladies who had m/c the same week and we helped each other a lot. In January we all got pregnant again but of course I lost that pregnancy too but they both have healthy little babies now and of course I've got 7 weeks to go now, one lady had had three m/c before the baby and the other two and there were no clear reasons why it either worked or it didn't work for any of us. There's a really positive thread stuck at the top of the m/c board with people's good news stories after loss- it really helped me to read it, it's so worth a read if you haven't already.

Sending you lots of babydust and a huge hug
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