advice please i dont kno how 2 do this!

[trixipaws]

pretty much from day one i invited my mym to be my second birthing partner (i actually thought at first my boyf wouldnt even wanna be there coz he's very squeamish- but he does, and i'm glad about that).

my boyf and i had a proper chat today though, and he told me he actually feels very uncomfortable about her being there- mostly because he'd feel a bit redundant, "like a third wheel" and a little awkward.
i can totally understand his point- and although i would like her there too it would still be ok as long as my boyf was with me.

i'm just worried about telling her, with only one week to go after 9 months of her expecting to be there- i dont kno whether she'd be upset; and if i ought to tell her face-to-face rather than on the fone?

my boyf seems to think its strange of me anyway to want my mum there- just wondering what everyones opinions on that is? i thought it was normal! who here would or would not hav their mums with them?

anyway, my main question is: how do i tell her and should i do it in person?
please help!

 

[topbird]

To be honest, I would not want my mum there either and I can understand why your boyfriend would feel uncomfortable.

My DH would be mortified if my mum was there with me and I would be embarassed too.... it is a very long time since my mum saw me in the buff, about 25 years to be precise!

But then I am not close to my mum!

She could be there but wait outside maybe?

 

[Nic'n'Keeley]

I wanted my mum there.... but in the end as my labour went on for soo long she left to get some food and some sleep.

I don't think she wil be upset hun just mayb a lil disapointed at the end of the day the baby is yours and your partners

 

[Riley's Mommy]

im not sure the best way to tell her

im having my mom as a 2nd birthing partner. i wanted someone there who had been through it all before.

also my mom is a healthcare assistant, so she knows what they will be on about when im clueless

 

[lisa&alex]

can i ask you something..

what do you want? i know the baby is your partners too. but its you whos going through the pain.. you who needs the support.. what if you speak to your partner and say that if u need ur mum there then have here there to support you through some of the labour? in the begining and when ur pushing the baby put for her to wait outside? it should be entirly up to you.. your the one doing it..

my hubby doesnt want my mum there when we have ours.. i really wanted her there.. as she was amazing when i gave birth to charlotte..but i know that my husband will be my rock this time..(hes not my daughters biological dad).. and im actually looking forard to it being just me him and the midwifes.. make it more intimate..

 

[Nicola]

I want my husband there. He wants to be there. It's a personal decision and only you know the answers. If you want your mum and not your OH then that's your choice and nothing wrong with that, lots of girls want their mum present at their birth, lots of girls don't. Personally I don't but part of that is because my mum is terminally ill and I'd be worrying about her worrying about me type thing and when she gets emotional she looses the ability to walk etc and I just know DH and I can't deal with that as well as the pain and birth etc. I'm happy for it to just be the two of us. Some men don't like the birth and feel strange about it and don't know what to do which is why some want their mum's support as mum's (obviously!) have been through it themselves. Personal choice, no amount of who's there or not there is wrong. What ever you want is what's right.

 

[Barmi_Brummeh]

Im havin my mum and OH there, i aint bein funny but if my man said to me he didnt want my mum there id tell him to do one n just let my mum in lol.

Then again my mum was there when i had my 1st, n she was soo helpful, so i want her there with ma OH this time.

If u dont want her there then just tell her, face to face would be better, think its a bit bad just doin it over the phone,

but if u do want her there dont feel u have to tell her u dont want her there just coz ur OH dont want her there. xxx

 

[KJ]

I wouldn't want my mum there! That's way too much for her to be witnessing! But it depends on your relationship with your mum I guess.

She has offered but I politely declined and said I just want my husband. He's the only person I'm that close to, and the only one I want to see me half naked, sweating, screaming and basically in a big mess!!!

K.xx

 

[smurf]

Hun did your OH not give you any idea to his feelings earlier in your pregnancy, it just seems to me that he left it very late to express his feelings. What is your relationship with your mum like is she very excited about the thought of being there to experience her grandchild's delivery or has she agreed to be there purely to give you support. I certainly wouldn't speak to her over the ohone I think this is one of the
those situations that you need to speak with her face to face. Maybe you could expalin to her how your OH is feeling and ask her would she be very disappointed if she wasn't present She may well surprise you and be quite happy to wait outside or even at home.

Best of luck

 

[lella]

I would speak to her face to face and just explain that you have decided that you just want it to be the two of you. Give her the reasons and im sure she will understand.

my mother in law is itching to get in on the birth. She said as soon as she knows im in labour, she will be down the hospital. I told her that i want it just to be my husband and I. She has agreed to this but still is insisting on taking over at some point so my husband can take a break. I know that as soon as she is in the room, she wont leave. Basically as soon as our baby is born, all I want is for my husband and I to spend some quiet time with our little one. I feel like this is being taken away from us.

 

[maybebaby]

My mum was at the birth and she was absolutely fantastic. She was able to make tea for the midwifes & fetch towels etc as needed, which meant my OH could stay with me the whole time (I had a homebirth). My OH had said he may feel a little bit uncomfortable but when it came down to it he appreciated her being there.

Discuss it with your OH some more, and make sure it's what you really want. Remember YOU have to actually give birth and it's YOUR wishes that are most important. If you're sure you don't want her there just explain that you would like to just be with your OH but will keep her posted and call her if you feel you need her.

I do feel that if I had had Austin in hospital I wouldn't have wanted my mum there, but at home I felt very in control and had a great birth experience - with my mum there.

 

[cloud9]

My feelings about my labour was it was about me, not him..if it would of helped me having my mom there I would of done...

I guess if i was your mom though i would want to hear it face to face but then i guess it depends on your relationship with her and how easy it is to get to her...she should be told sooner rather than later.

 

[Alfiesmummy]

I wanted my mum there too, and at about 37 weeks ian asked me didnt i think it was wierd my mum was going to be there so i said no i wanted her there.

my mum didnt tell me till afterwards but she actually felt wierd gherself before wondering how she would cope, me HER baby going through so much pain but she said that the experience was amazing and she loved every minute of it. She said its a memory that will be in her mind untill her dieing day and i am so glad iv given my mum that experience.

Ian actually afterwards said that he was glad my mum was there because he felt that he had someone to go through it with. It lasted a long time so my mum went home on the night and came back the following morning, and they took it in turns going for a coffee etc and going to see my dad (who was so excited he was waiting outside bless him) but when it came to pop time they were both there and it was lovely

I loved having the two people i loved most in the world around me whilst i brought the most beautiful baby into the world.

Awww i miss my labour day

 

[lozzi]

I had my mum and dad with me thru my labour. my dad came into the c section ni the end.

I LOVED my mum being there.


go with what YOU want not waht ur partner "thinks is right"

 

[mrs_tommo22]

I was reading this thread with interest, and had to add my own views and opinions on the subject.
I do not have a relationship with my birth mother, but even if i did i wouldnt have her there due to our past together.
My DH mum is fab, and i get on alright with her, snd I know she wouldnt interfere in my birth whatsoever. Shes happy to take care of my son when i give birth, then when shes born and im happy for DH mum to be there. Of course she would be bringing toddler with her as well to meet his new sister.

I will be though living with her when this baby is born, so if she says jump i will, but i know shes not like that and just wants tommo and i to have peace of mind and feel comfortable when the baby is here.

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

When i had Kiara i wasnt really talking to my mom but she is back in my life now, but beacuse weve never been close i still wouldnt want her there , just me and my OH.
I think it all depends on how your relationship is like , if we had been closei know i would of wanted her to be there.
Hope you can choose whats right for you if you wnat her there its your right
Katrina

 

[Sabrina]

Personally I just want my OH to be at the LO's birth. I'd be more than happy to see my grown up son, my mum and dad quite soon after the baby's born but not at the actual birth itself.

I agree with what some of the other ladies have said - it's your decision and you should go with what you feel most comfortable. If you want your mum there then have her there. Your OH might be glad of someone else taking some responsibility/giving him a breather from time to time when it actually happens.