Advice on a job offer

[Candygirl]

Right, this will be another long one - sorry

We are stuck. My OH has been offered a job in the DRC (Africa) for about £4500 a month doing project management on a construction site.
Its a really good opp, however it means that he is away for 6 weeks then home for 10 days and so on.

We are South African, so would mean that we would go home and me and LO will stay with my mum (which I have wanted forever cos its so hard being away from my family - we are very close). My sister has also offered me a job with her company and has said that I could work from home so LO can be with me during the day.
With me working, I can use my salary to live on and money that OH gets can be put into savings. We worked it out that if we had to save his salary for a year, we would be able to buy a house in SA cash.

Problem is, OH will be away from me and our new baby.
Its such a good opportunity looking at it long term, but short term it means that sacrifices will have to be made.

If you were in my position, what would you do. Would you take the job, or would you stay?

 

[Emma58]

That's a tricky one.
If it meant I could stay with my mum and work from home though while OH was working I would probably go for it. Especially if it means you will be able to buy a house cash after a year.
I think it is a sacrifice I would make if it meant my families long term future would be more comfortable.

 

[Candygirl]

Im all for it. I love the idea and think its a once in a lifetime opportunity, plus it means I get to be with my family again (been without them for 4 years already). The thing is, its my OH that has to work out in the sticks and be away from his son....
I would go tomorrow if it was up to me. Problem is OH doesnt like change and is scared...which I suppose is normal?
Thanks for your input, I like to see how other people would react to the situation and maybe give me views that I never thought about

 

[GBLiz]

so you'd both go to SA, but he would be getting sent off on jobs away from where you're based?

I would go with him and find a temporary job wherever he's based

i wouldnt be apart from my partner, thats why i'm all over the country at the moment (also on 6 week projects!) and will be after the baby is born for a while too

nothing is worth him missing this time with you and your newborn IMO, but you can do it without him missing the opportunity

 

[Happybunny]

It is a tricky one....the long term security of the family vs spending the first year together as a family....

I would probably go with the long term security in the end. It wont be ideal being away from each other, but you will see each other every 6 weeks (seems like an eternity, I know) and a year passess incredibly quickly and it would be good to know you have a home bought and paid for.
Good luck with your decision, it is a tough one.

 

[muppetmummy]

It is a big sacrifice but the long term gains are huge! I'd suggest he aims to do it for a year and then see how you feel. You'd save loads in that time.

I have to admit if it was my OH I'd make him do it for £4,500 a month! Though I couldn't see him turning down that kind of money anyway

 

[Suzie and Faith]

I think it'd be hard to be away from your OH and for him to be away from LO
BUT in the long run it'll mean a lot better financial security and things. And LO won't remember much until they are a few years old anyways so it'd be hardest on you and your OH.
If it means a better life in the long run then go for it! And you'd get to be with your family too

It sounds like an amazing oppurtunity!

 

[GBLiz]

no no no, go where he goes with him, how can that not be the best solution???? !!!!!!! I know this works cos i do it!!!!!! everyones a winner!!

 

[Sherlock]

Its a great offer financially. The political climate is more stable there now and the country safe to work in then why not.

I'd consider a few things. Firstly if you feel happy and able to cope working from home with a small baby. Don't forget that in the early months chances are you won't be getting that much work done. Will you have a good support network to help you through? Can you afford to not work as much possibly in the early months and focus on baby.

Also if you feel comfortable being left for 6 weeks at a time. It's a relatively short period of time as things go, but it leaves you to cope with everything during that time. When your OH comes home he'll have 10 days to play catch up. Sometimes even with the best will in the world things are difficult. My OH worked away often and we lived in different countries for over 2 years. And that was before a baby came along. So we were able to devote time to us then. But it was still awkward as we'd just be getting used to being around each other again and relaxing into things and he'd have to leave. A similar thing can happen with a child, so be prepared for it. It can be a big stumbling block on couples and familes.

With a baby to consider also you really need to be able to keep communication open and will need to work at keeping in touch and so on. OH and I used to talk on IRC and IM, on the phone almost every day and email often also. Now there is voice chat via the internet its better.

How do you and OH feel about his missing out on chunks of time with baby? One advantage is that LO won't be toddling around while he is away but he will possibly miss the bonding that takes place in that first year. Trying to cram it in to 10 days at a time is not always going to be easy. A lot will depend on LO and how s/he adjusts to things also.

I think if you both feel confident and happy about things and are aware of potential pitfalls relationship and baby wise and can work at keeping things steady then it can be workable. And as you both know it would be a short term thing then time will soon pass. Finding the right balance might take a bit of time but once you find it, it'll make it easier.

 

[Sherlock]

no no no, go where he goes with him, how can that not be the best solution???? !!!!!!! I know this works cos i do it!!!!!! everyones a winner!!

SA and the DRC are very different places though. Working and childcare, employment rights etc, no NHS, nothing like what we are used to. I agree with you that missing out on the first year is a biggie, but if its for longer term planning then maybe it can be doable.

If it were my OH offered a job in the DRC I'd not want to go there to live tbh. OK the political climate etc has improved, and living in a city is not maybe not so bad, but its not a place I'd want to be bringing up a young baby on my own while my hubby was away all week. And I'd not be keen to live out in the sticks there for sure.

SA is different again, but there is a support network there. I'd be wary of moving there but its not my home country. But I have friends from there and know how hard it can be financially and so on living there. But it helps if there is family. I'd be wary of lack of health care and employment rights and laws etc. That is what would put me off wanting to live there in the present climate. However if a company were paying the bills and so on I'd consider it.

Its a toughie, it really is. I can see the pros and cons. Something to ponder a while methinks

 

[Babylicious]

I don' think I could be apart from my Oh for so long

 

[heles7]

Lots of pros and cons but I think I would go for it given that little one won't remember the year and will enable you have a wonderful family home.

Six weeks is a long time to not see your OH but then 10 days is a good amount of time to spend quality time together. When times are tough at least you will know they are a means to an end.

Good luck with it

 

[GBLiz]

thats true i have no idea what those countries are like but i know i have survived with no government help-havent been able to claim any maternty, havent been able to rely on nhs ..if the job is that well paid should be able to get by independently like we have ??

 

[flowergirl]

That's a tough one...I think that the sacrifice would be worth it in the long term- imagine not having to find money for the mortgage each month! How does your OH feel about being away from you and baby for 6 weeks at a time? He would really miss a lot of your baby's development and may feel that he's missing out way too much.

If you both want to go through with the move I would just ensure that the 10 days you have with your OH and baby are really special - allow your OH to take time to bond with your LO again and give you a bit of a break, and enjoy time together.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

xxx

 

[Candygirl]

thanks ladies
wow, didnt think I would get so many responses so thank you

Like Sherlock said, the DRC and SA are very different. Where OH will be working is no place for a woman let alone a baby. Its a contstruction site out in the bush, amenities are very limite. I would not be able to work there as there is nothing there.

This came about because my brother in law is there at the moment. He found it quite tough at first, but is now loving it and they are reaping the rewards of the money. They have 2 girls (8 and 11) and I think its affecting them more now than if they were babies as they already have a very strong bond with their dad as he has always been there. I think if my OH had to go, yes it would be hard as he will be away from LO for a while, but think the effects of their bond would be worse if he could do more than just eat sleep and poo

I always knew we would eventually move back to SA, but not if this opp hadnt come along. We simply wouldnt be able to afford it, but with that kind of money each month we can. Yes I live in the UK and have a life here but its not my home and if we stay my son will not know my family like I want him to - he will see pics and see them once every 2 years, but I want more. Maybe its me being selfish (probably) but I want my son to have the lifestyle I had growing up as a kid, spending weekends in a swimming costume and having a bbq around the pool. 8)

I know it will be tough being away from OH and he will also find it quite crappy being away from us, but in the long run, its only short term and for short periods at a time and financially we will so much better off than we are here. He knows I am not as happy here as I would be in SA (the only real reason I came here is because its what he wanted).

Its so tricky, and we have to give an answer by the end of the weekend. Really bad timing considering LO is not even born yet (COME ON BABY) and we will only have 2 months to pack up here as they want him to start at the end of May if he accepts.

Going out for dinner tonight to discuss with OH.
Wish me luck

 

[Candygirl]

ooh, forgot to say that they have broadband connection there and my brother in law speaks to my sister every night on instant messenger and calls/texts her.
I have just told them about skype too, and as they both have webcams, they will be testing this out over the weekend.

Its not all doom and gloom when technology is up to date