4th baby and scared to announce it due to judgemental family and friends!

[romanuik]

Hi folks. I was just wondering if anyone has also had this experience. I am 6 weeks pregnant with my 4th baby and I am dreading announcing it to my family, friends and work due to their judgemental attitudes. The baby is very much planned and both myself and my husband work and provide for our children. Not meaning to sound big headed but I am a really good mother and live for my children. One of my friends actually said to me when I told her I was thinking of trying for another baby "don't you dare have another baby". I wondered if anyone else has experienced this? I feel like people act like we are totally irresponsible because we want a 4th baby (this is definitely our last!) As I mentioned earlier we both work and never ask our parents etc to babysit unless its an emergency....why do people feel they have the right to have this attitude!? I am going to wait until my 3 month scan before I tell people anyway however its just the dread of what people will say. Any advice or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated, thanks x

 

[can]

Congratulations on your wonderful news. You sound like you are doing everything right by your children so if you wanted 10 kids id say go for it. Children are a blessing and anyone not happy for you don't deserve you to be worried about their opinions. As long as you and your hubby are happy then that's all that matters. Don't let people's negative opinions get you down. I've just had my third and would defiantly contemplate another in the future.

 

[romanuik]

Thanks a lot for your reply. I know everyone is different but from the moment I had my first baby I just knew I wanted a big family. Congratulations to you on your 3rd baby, I honestly felt that going from 2 children to 3 we easier than going from 1 to 2. Enjoy him as they grow up so quickly! Thnks again x

 

[Phoenix85]

That's crazy.

Congratulations on your baby!

I'm expecting my third too and also want at least one more. I've always wanted a large family and also, my youngest child is 9 so there's a huge gap, so I'd like to have another baby in a few years so that my baby has a sibling close in age.

 

[YorksLass]

Congratulations Romanuik! It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks, it's something you both have chosen and are happy with x

 

[Goat]

Congratulations on your pregnancy Hun. 4 has always been my magic number so I hope one day I'm in your position. As for judgemental friends, screw them! I can relate to being on the receiving end of what your friend said as I had a similar situation where a friend who's getting married next summer said to me 'don't you dare get pregnant again before then'. I can think of a million come backs now but at the time I was a little lost for words. The way I see it is you do what's right for you and your family, everyone else is irrelevant. You've got a beautiful baby growing inside you and if they can't acknowledge that as a happy event for you then you just have to try and ignore them...or just cut those people out of your life if they make you feel like crap!xx

 

[Charliebump3]

I am in the same position my mother especially is very judgemental. She expressed her displeasure of the thought of me having another baby. I don't plan on telling her until I have had the scan too. She is not maternal in the slightest she called my first baby a half breed due to her dad being from a different country.

I know people will think I am mental because my youngest is 5 months old plus I had a horrific time in my last pregnancy. I'm worried about what people might think. My midwife said I was crazy lol but she's allowed she knows just how much I struggles last time.

I don't have any advice to offer but just know your not alone! Xx

 

[JnyFer]

Hunni other people's opinions don't matter. I learnt this after years of the 'opinion abuse' I would get from all my family and some friends!! I am on pregnancy number 7 and this is my 4th relationship with kids from all!!! It really annoys me that I get judged especially by people who do not know me. I won't explain it all in detail but let's just say that my past relationships didn't end through my fault!

I am always being told to get myself steralised! also they forget the issues I had with past partners and always say I will meet someone else and have more!! They say it so much that even my older kids have started saying it occasionally to me and my partner!!

I don't like hearing I'm a disappointment to everyone so I learnt not to listen.

I too class myself as a fantastic mum, I live for my kids and they don't go without. We don't claim benefits (other that child benefit and working tax) as my partner has a really well paid job.

We too don't rely on family to look after our children unless it's an emergency and even then we ask our closest friends as the kids are happier there anyway.

You will feel much better if you let it go over your head. You know you are a great mum and you have the means to provide for your children. People are just rude and sometimes it can even be jealousy or even fear that they themselves couldn't cope with so many children but maybe that's because you are a stronger person than them.

Do what makes you feel happy. This is your baby and your responsibility not theirs so they can just get lost with their opinions.

Chin up be strong and enjoy this pregnancy xxx

 

[sammielou]

When you announce it, do so with confidence. Don't apologise for it or let any of these worries you have show. Just say how delighted you and your children are and they will find it harder to make comments.

 

[KellyL]

Firstly Congratulations!

Secondly, it sounds to me like you are bringing a much wanted baby into a very loving and stable family. Don't dread telling people your news. If your friends and family cannot be happy for you then surround yourself with those that are. You shouldn't let sour, negative people get in the way of what should be a wonderful time for you and your family.
Hold your head up high and enjoy your pregnancy.
Life really is too short to worry what other people think.

xx

 

[flexilexi394]

Hey! I have similar situations.... I'm on baby no. 2 and my mum is the one that is horrified at me! I told her a few days ago, she was mean and hasn't brought it up since.

What drives me crazy is everyone is quick to have an opinion but they all want to know you for about a week after the baby is born then a majority disappear anyway! It's really annoying!

Some of my friends and family will be very opinionated on the matter but all that is important is you have a happy, healthy family and it's got nothing to do with other people's wishes and control on your life. I think it's jealousy!!

Xxx

 

[Clover]

Hey hun
Congratulations on your pregnancy
I am currently TTC baby no 4
My girls are 15 &12 and my little boy is 3
I have been on a really long journey and started NPNP when my son was born as we knew we wanted another but we are still trying (actively for 19 months)

My mum in law l, sister in law and best friend knows we are trying (my best friend has 4 & my sister in law is pregnant with her Sixth baby)

I know my mum will be shocked as she said to me not to have any more!!!
She wasn't right happy when I had my 3rd
Just because she had 2 children and my sister has 2 children she thinks we should of stopped at 2 but it's not her choice it's mine

So I totally get how you feel but it shouldn't matter how many children you have the urge to have another is so strong and at the end if the day it's your choice

Sending you lots of love

Xxxxxxxx

 

[Juice]

I wouldn't say 4 is in any way excessive? I'd say it's quite a normal number to want / have. No matter what you do, someone will judge you. Basically, fuck them!

 

[romanuik]

Thanks a lot for your reply, I think we are due on the exact same date! x

 

[romanuik]

Hi folks, just to say thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reply it really is appreciated. We are just going to wait until the 12 week scan or maybe even the 20 week scan before we tell anyone. Its going to be really difficult to keep it to ourselves however I am not ready to deal with other people's unwanted opinions. Life is too short, am just going to try enjoy this pregnancy x

 

[Eryinera]

Do what you think is right ignore the rest. It's your life and you sound like a fantastic mummy and a wonderful person. It's your right to have as many children as you want and can support and i think it's wonderful you want to share your love with the next generation of humans.

Some people find it hard when people have a lot of children not for any judgement on you but for their own hangups. I know I was distraught when my friend had her 3rd and although I don't think I said anything I certainly thought some awful things. Not because I don't think she wouldn't be a great mum or I don't think she can provide or anything like that. But because because I have 4 little angel babies and she has 3 forever babies.

It's a jelousy thing I have no problems with her having babies but I feel until I get my 2nd (I always wanted 2 for as long as i remember well 2 and an accident) I can't deeply truly be happy for them despite me wanting to be. And I do want to be I really do.

I would hate for my friend to be a pregnant bridesmaid. I wouldn't want that photo on my wall as a reminder that I'm such a failure. And on "my special day" all i was thinking of is how shit i felt being jelous and missing what i couldnt have knowing that I was half a human whilst she was a miracle magical wonder woman that was blessed with so much joy and happiness inside her belly. That for some reason I kill my babies before they are born despite wanting them so much. When although I'm happy with my family part of me is missing. Part of me is aching and she has that. She doesn't know what I've been through. She hasn't felt what I've felt. She has what I want. And yes that's an awful awful awful thing to say. And whilst I dont vocalise it as I know how evil I sound and maybe that is why I don't deserve my child I can't help thinking those thoughts. Maybe my children are better off dying before they are born rather than having to put up with such a bitter mother but sometimes that is the truth and I hope to goodness that these thoughts never come out aimed at anyone I am happy for each and every longed for baby. I am happy for every mother who gets their dream and I am genuinely pleased for people who have their perfect family's and I hope those same people I'm jelous of would be happy for me if I ever manage to get my forever child.

Buy sometimes I have bad days. And I may not be alone. I just hope I'm strong enough to keep wearing this smile when others tell me of their great news x.

I don't mean to offend if I do. And I don't want to upset anyone. But everyone has hidden secrets I hope I can be supportive to anyone and everyone who needs it I don't know their stories and if I did I'm sure things may be different it's just sometimes people have feelings that they don't want to have.