2nd Tri baby blues

[Noor~ul~Usman]

Anyone else getting baby blues in the 2nd tri..even though everythings fine and no complications?
Stupid hormones

I've just been feeling so alone lately because I'm not amazing close to anyone at work to confined in who's already had kids and non of my actual out of work friends have started families yet (some trying though! Good on them! )

It's really hard because we're not meant to b!tch and gossip about our other halves because it's really negative on the family and friends...I've already experienced this early on in our marriage when all my mates though my hubby was a d!ck because I was always upset but then once we settled down properly with each other and were happy they'd still make cutting comments all the time because they were so used to it and it felt really bad- I had to start defending him all the time But I just really need to let it all out

I think he's doing the bloke thing....worrying about money...definately over the moon that our babies well but probably relieved that he's not due for several months so he can try and clear off the bills we have from moving hom elast month.
He wont discuss names with me and he wont let me preorder the cotts, buggies, sterilisers etc I want....all I'm allowed to do is buy the odd bit of baby clothing. And when I show him he'll go all goo-goo eyed obviously imagining our lil bubby wearing it but we're expecting a lot of hand-me-down clothes so there's no point me buying too many until I know what I've got.

It feels like limbo. Baby just feels miles away. I have nothing to do the nursery up with it's just a room with 1 nice kiddy painting, a wardrobe and a chest of drawers

The house is an absolute bomb site but I've been getting trieder every day for the last 2 weeks and actually finely missed passing out twice this week on way to work (midwife says it's normal at this stage and since nothing else is wrong it'll just be baby growing and using more of my blood so I must not have eaten enough and been a bit behind on building my own supply up again ).
Maternity doesn't start for nearly 2 months so I'm giving it my all at work and then just collapsing when I get home. I've slept a few times 12hrs straight I've started getting pulled up for some silly preggo mistakes at work as well which has really got me down because it means I'm obviously not concentrating properly and it makes me feel like because I've only been there 7-8months I'll just be remembered as 'the one that couldn't do the work properly'

We had a big row last night when it felt like hubby turned into a big green eyed monster First time we've rowed like that in nearly a year. We'd just seen Kung Fu Panda so should have been really happy but he just started barking orders at me to get up straight away as soon as it had finished and not watch the credits. I said I'd wait because there were loads of families in and they were already starting to move and I didn't want to get knocked. He then started yorping louding in front of everyone about me 'having a face on'....'being preggo' and 'making a sceen' So I moved...nearly got squashed between people on the stairs, then as we turned to go down the isle to the exit some stupid teenage girl threw herself over the wall from the seating area and landed only about 2ft away from me scaring the sh!t out of me! So I startled and hubby started havin a go at me for being stupid...then her mate wizzed past me from behind at full pelt to catch up and hit me (albeit fairly lightly) in the side of my tummy with her bag!!
Hubby just wasn't interested at all and spent the next 10mins waiting outside for a taxi telling me how I was "throwing a psycho and everyone was looking at me thinkin what is this b!tch up to etc etc" and when I was trying as calmly as possible to point out it was HIM having the psycho and not me and I was just trying to be careful with the baby he just ignored me and we haven't spoken since about 9pm last night

I think I'm more upset that he still has this attuitude in him because this is how we used to argue all the time and we both honestly thought that we'd grown up and it was all sorted and of course we've disagreed since but in the last 8-9months plus it's never got to this level. When he's like this he just makes me cry my eyes our preggo or not and wish I was muslim before I met him cause I'd have noticed all these flaws and hopefully would have held out for somone at least a bit more pious instead of going through all the sh!t with a 'typical freshie bloke' that I fell for
(freshie as in fresh of the boat...but he has been here about 7years now They have their own reputation tho lol which includes saying silly things, having bad hair cuts and trying to fit in with western society so being very lenient with their own religion and culture)

Having said that I don't really believe it would have happened because I believe everything is pre-ordained be it good or bad but we are allowed to divorce as a final straw when we have tried our hardest to make it work and we're just completely miserable....and at times like this he makesd me wonder where you draw the line

Sorry this turned into more of a soap box winge than I meant it to but I just feel like I'm absolutely sick to the back teeth of being pregnant and I just want my baby now and to start getting on with things

 

[nori]

aww hun poor you! Nows the time you should be getting all excited and enjoying the buying of new things. No matter what religion we are we can still bitch about the OH.. its allowed, we are female!!

I think you need to have a good sit down and talk about how you are feeling. My OH was being a complete dick the other night and was just being nasty (verbally) for the sake of it which ended up with me crying. He then apologised and said it was because he was so scared about the up and coming scan. Maybe your OH is dealing with things in a stupid bloke way aswell? Still no excuse though i know!

I know from your other threads that being a muslim is a complete different way of life but no matter what background or religion you are you still deserve to be in a happy loving relationship.

Really hope you work things out,

Claire x

 

[Noor~ul~Usman]

Thanks hun

Ahhh I don't mean to make a big thing about the Religion it's just before I used to make a lot of mistakes and could be really cutting with my comments and I've definately found that by trying to stick to the guidelines of the religion then my life is better - so it is very important to me but it's obviously not the be all and end all for everyone

I think it is just stress but I don't verbally abuse him...I try very hard not to call him names because I know its very hurtful and I'm not showing him any respect by doing it (and I do respect him in a lot of other ways).....but he just gets so nasty. He'll call me every name under the sun and make out like it's all me and it actually took me a while at first to realise that HE's the one who's losing it and not me

I still just wana have this baby and get on with loving it and looking after it and not having to worry about work AND home
I've been waiting to be a mum for the last 3years or more (got broody early on ) and now it's finally happening. Maybe I can do the sleeping beauty thing and wake up in 4months?

 

[nori]

He really needs to be showing you the support you deserve through this time as the last thing us pregnant ladies need is stress. I hope you can both sit down and talk things through. He may open up and there maybe an reason for him getting nasty.. No excuse as i said before though.

Let us know how you get on,

Claire x

 

[lea m]

Aww i wanted to give you some of these!

 

[Noor~ul~Usman]

Aww thanks

Feel a bit better now. Had some energy (no idea where that came from! ) so cleaned the front room and kitchen because I know a nice tidy house is important for people to relax. I then did 2/3's of my open university assignment I've been struggling with and have spent the rest of the evening just chilling out 8)

Let him make first contact and could see he was nervous I'd be mad but I was feeling better (i.e I'm not gona let a stupid bloke get me down - I can get on with things perfectly fine by myself heehee!!) and so because I was plesent to him (didn't rush to make him a brew or anything mind you I wasn't THAT easy ) then he didn't act funny.

Did have a little 'debate' over my bank balance but I let him check online and prooved it had gone on food and bills and nothing extravagant (we ARE a bit tight with moving home recently ) and so he just appologised and said he hadn't realised we'd spent so much

We might have also finally agreed on bumpy's name
I'd suggested Nabil and Farooq as first and second names. He says he likes both but he's known a lot of people called Nabil who shorten it to 'Nabs' when they hit middle school and we both agreed we didn't like it lol! So he said he'd actually really like Farooq as the first name

Sorted now....still need to confirm middle name but I'm happy lol
So on the off chance bumpy turns out to be a she then we're agreed on Ruqayyah...and a boy (which is what the hospital think) Farooq

 

[kalia]

Your post reminds me how glad I am not to be pregnant any more - it's awful, isn't it?

The baby is very real for you 24 hours a day. I'm not trying to excuse him at all but it's not as real or constant for him. I only properly understood this when DD was 4 weeks old and my parents looked after her for a while and OH and I went shopping in town - fun shopping, not 'things we need' shopping. For a few hours I didn't think about DD AT ALL! I felt a bit guilty - I hadn't not thought about her for that long in 9 months!

You are working so if you want to buy things for LO with your money that's absolutely fine. And I recommend giving up on the housework a bit - it's more important that you get rest than you have a clean house. If you feel energetic cook meals and freeze them for when you don't have energy so you can still eat well.