pros/cons of being an only child?

[glitzyglamgirl]

My OH and I are trying for a baby, and we have kind of decided we only want one. Im 32 next week and he is 35, and weve been trying for about 16 months already - once we have our baby I really dont relish the thought of having to go through all this again, although I would love to have 2 I think we would be happy with one. (I have 2 daughters from a previous marriage but they live with thier father so there would still only be one child in the household apart from holidays)

I was the eldest of 3 and he was the youngest of 3, so niether of us was an only child, so it would be really valuable to hear from those who were either an only child themselves, or have only one child.

What are the pros/cons?

Thanks in advance xx

 

[mary70]

hi hun i had an only child for 14 years before hannah was born and he loved it because he got everything he wanted and undivided attention too.
but as parents its hard work because you r their only mate and when you go on holidays and out for days u never get 5 mins because you have to play with them all the time which may sound horrible but other parents of only children will now what i mean i'm sure

 

[Hypnorm]

Hi there, i am an only child and it has its good point and bad points.
You get spoilt rotten and get lots of individual attention.

But holidays were lonely, i could never play games as i had no one to play with, i had an incredible imagination, and lots of imaginary friends but was always a bit of a loner. i loved being at school as i had all my friends there and it scared me to death when i left shool.
When my parents get older i am the only person who they can turn to.
My parents were terribly over protective not letting me learn from my own mistakes.
I find i am rather selfish with moeny and my possessions as i have been taught to look after them and not had siblings to break them etc.

Its difficult to explain what it is like - its the same for me as i can never understand what its like to have brothers and sisters.

Ewan is my only child at the mo and i really don't want him to be on his own, its coming up to a yearsince we have been ttc for no.2

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Thank you very much for your replies ladies

Its good to see it from all angles. Ive been thinking that he/she would be ok for friends as there are a lot of young families round our way and its a lovely community where the kids can safely play outside (from a reasonable age obviously!) so im hoping that if we have just one child he/she wont get lonely - thats the thing that worries me most.

Id love to sit here and say no child of ours will ever be spoilt or lonely or whatever, but thats impossible to predict so I guess its just a case of seeing which way the wind blows!

 

[Hypnorm]

http://onlychild.com/

http://www.onlychild.org.uk/

http://www.onlychild.icom43.net/index.html

these might be of interest for you.

 

[mummykay]

I was 6 when my sis was born and I hated her!!! she was the focus of attention, it didnt matter how much i sang and danced no one gave me as much attention as her!!
thats why i was so naughty, i thought doin bad things would make mummy love me more but nope, i got smacks instead lol!!!

I dont want Jamie to b an only child for fear of leavin him alone should anythin happen to me and mike but i wana give him sooooooooo much attention before a new baby comes and 'ruins' it for him!!!

 

[Rubys mummy]

I always wanted at least 3 children, but once I got pregnant with Ruby I decided she will be an only child...I dont know why-I had a fantastic pregnancy and c setion was a great experience, so nothing there has put me off more kids...I feel blessed to have her and I think due to my age (I am 35 in July) and money wise, we can give her everything she will need. She wont be spoilt-I had a saturday job to earn my pocket money so she will have a good work ethic like I did

People have commented on me not wanting more children by saying I am selfish, and she will be lonely as an only child!!

 

[Hypnorm]

i wasn't a spoilt brat, i had saturday jobs and learned to save for things.
But the one thing missing which i would have loved is a bro or sis, i see how close my hubby is to his two brothers and it makes me slightly sad that i'll never have that.

Its individual choice, but i hope that i can give ewan something i never had. but we will see what life brings. if ewan is the only one then we will be just as happy that we have been blessed with him.

 

[budge]

my sister in law is an only child and her mums just died and her dads in a hospice could die any minute. She says she would have liked a sibbling or two to help her thorugh these tough few months.
She says thats why she had two kids

 

[hev&madi]

i'd love another baby but everything that happened with madi scares the life out of me now

 

[Hypnorm]

Yeah i can understand that Budge, its alway something that worries me.
I have no one to share that with, though i have my hubby and his family, its not my family if that makes any sense.

 

[Lyndsey]

My neighbour has said similar things to Budge's friend.. he is now 34 and his parents are getting older and he is worred becasue it falls onto him to look after them and when they are gone he has no other family, ( both his parents were only children too)

 

[Urchin]

I hope no one is offended when I say I REALLY wanted Mason to have at least one sibling. I think a sibling is the best present you could ever give a child, and I didn't want Mason to be on his own.

 

[Alfiesmummy]

i would love another, me and my bro were 2 years apart in age and i think id like the same between Alfie and a baby. I always remember the games me and my brother played together and would love to see two children to intract together, i hope i dont upset anyone saying this as this is just in my opinion, but it doesnt matter how much as a parent you play with a child, you just dont have the same spirited magic as a child does, we all have good imaginations but the imagination of a child is just priceless, i think without another child to share that with it could get lost a bit early. sorry if i have offended anyone,

 

[Freya]

mu huby is onlly child and i think he loved it. But as people have said his mum lives in another countlry and wiht him being her only child we have to go and see her A LOT - I think if he had a sibling the pressure wouldn't be on us so much.

Also he can be selfish and I am sure that is because he has never had to consider anyone else at home. Finally as everyone has said when his dad died he had no one to share his grief with.

That said there are many people with siblings who DON't get on and never speak when they are older. Also the family rows over who gets what etc.

I think it is really down to personal choice.

 

[Emmylou]

My DH is an only child.....he has said before he is a little envious of my siblings....but its personal choice really hun. His mom is on her own, and as he is the only child we visit A LOT & she treats him as a child still as she doesn't really want him to ever gow up & 'leave her on her own'....its all sub conscious, I do't think she wakes up and thinks she'll treat him like a child...hard to explain.

Although there were lots of kids in the street to play with, they weren't always around so he spent a lot of time on his own, and unfortunately he will admit that he couldn't wait to move out of the house and move away to uni to get away from the claustrophobia (bit diff for him as his mom was on her own), and to be around groups of people - as a consequence he stayed in uni for 7 years cos he loved the social side & being around others (he didn't get a degree )

Still......he grew up to be a wondeful man so it can't have harmed him too much eh?

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

wow lots of really interesting replies there, thanks everyone for sharing your experiences

I guess we have a while to think about it as im not even pregnant with our first yet lol, but im the kind of person who likes to think ahead and spend time exploring every angle, too much so sometimes

I suppose from my own experience, I was the eldest of 3 and spent most of my childhood competing with my sisters for attention, we dont speak or get on now we're all grown up so I often wondered how different it would have been if I was an only child? I know how selfish that sounds but well, it was a strange upbringing lol

hmmm youve all given me a lot to think about