OH doesn't want children

miff77

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I don't know if this is the right place to discuss this, but all I want in life is to be a mother, I know I'd be a great mum and holding my own baby and giving them so much love would be such a precious thing to me. My life would be complete! The only problem is - my OH does not want children at all, not until he's much older anyway. I've been brought up around a family that have had children quite young (18 - 22 etc) and my family members have all done a fantastic job raising their children, it's great to see them with bundles of energy to run around with their kiddies being silly! I do it too as I adore my nieces and nephews. Anyway, as I'd much prefer to be a younger mother for those reasons and am extremeeeeely broody at the moment I would just like to chat with somebody who has been in the same boat as me or something! Please help! Miff xox:wall2::wall2::wall2:
 
Hi, can I ask how old you are hon? It may be that he's not ready for it, or that he will stick by not wanting them at all. Whilst this may not be what you want - you need to respect his position on this as much as you would expect him to respect yours.

It is sadly one of the things which, if people aren't on the same page foster misery and resentment for all involved so I would think long and hard about what you want, about where you are at in your life etc.
 
I really think that age is much less important than whether or not you're in a stable relationship with the means to provide for a family. As long as you're happy that your circumstances would work (for example, living together with a stable income) then I really think it's important that you find out where he actually stands - the never/someday distinction is so vital here.

Does he EVER want children? How many? How does he imagine his future? Raising a family with you? Growing old with you? What about marriage? Kids before or after marriage? Does he see himself as a dad in 5 years time? 10 years? If he's sure he'll want children eventually, you could work on establishing when - and make sure he knows how you feel too. With some open and honest discussion, hopefully you can come to a decision about when to try - even if it's a few years down the line. Maybe you have a list of things you'd both like to do before you have a baby - partying in Ibiza, climbing Mount Kilimanjaro or trekking in a rainforest or whatever? Put those things into your timeframe if you have to. Tick them off while you still can.

If he tells you he never wants kids, now is your time to decide if you need to call it a day. Don't assume he'll change his mind in a year or two. I have a friend who did that and regretted not ending things with her partner sooner. You have to do what's right for you. Sorry if I seem harsh, but life's too short to be with someone who doesn't share your vision of the future.

On an added note, I'm sure I'm not the only one who'll tell you that some men never feel 'ready' to start trying for a baby, so it can often be a matter of sitting them down and talking through things practically to get them to see where you're coming from. If that's the case with you two, then maybe it's as easy as "well if you'd like kids in 3-5 years time..." and working backwards from there?

Good luck xx
 

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