I cant get over death

[MrsS143]

2013 has been really crap for me

My uncle died in January

My dad died in March

My cat was shot in May

I miscarried in June

My cousin died in July

I work in adult social care and lots of very close customers to me who I loved dearly have all passed away suddenly

I also heard that yesterday my old neighbour who was only 23 hung himself

I feel like I'm surrounded by death
Constantly reminded by it
None of which I can forget or get past

They say times a healer but not so far it isn't...
When will things get easier?

It's become so much that I've been off work for the past 8/9 weeks
Little Roo was my glimmer of hope and light and even that was taken away from me
I just don't know what to feel anymore...

Life is too short
But clearly I can't and am far from enjoying and making the most of it
I need clarity, sanity...something....

 

[laurat]

Oh honey, what a terrible time you have had no wonder you are struggling! I have no magic words unfortunately to ease the pain but Im thinking of you! Xx

 

[flisstebbs]

So sorry you've had such an awful, awful time this year. 2008 was a bit similar for me. Time may be a healer but with that amount to deal with, it will take a lot of time. Just remember, life swings up and down, I'm sure there are some happier times coming your way. X

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

Sorry to see you are having such a hard time this year hun. You really have been through the mill. Ok here goes I'm not good with words but hopefully you get what I mean. It's not that you can't get over death hun it's that there has been so much of it that your never out of grief it's just moved from one person to the next so your in a constant state of mourning.

I struggled after my loss. You had already stopped posting by then I think. I was 15 weeks and during an erpc as my cervix wouldn't open they punctured my uterus and damaged my bowel. I spent 12 hours in surgery and recovery had 2 operations and woke up with tubes and drips everywhere. I lost almost a third of the blood in my body and was told I'm a lucky girl yeah I sure felt lucky didn't i. Well I struggled I went through all the stages of grief but couldn't shift the feeling sorry for myself until a lovely lady on here delivered her gorgeous baby Leo at about 22 weeks. That made me feel like there's far worse out there than I went through and humbled me a bit. Now it really helped me with the feeling sorry for myself and the it's not fairs. Little roo is fine up there with Charlie Leo and all the other baby angels the only thing that upsets roo is that mummy is not coping. That helped me.

Now you need to think clearly. So take a step back from everything that's happened as a whole and deal with one thing at a time it's easier as makes them smaller pieces. Maybe release a balloon for everyone you have lost and in releasing it let them take the grief with it. So many people have died hun and I'm sorry for that but you haven't your alive and you have to live both for yourself and those that have passed.

Don't stop posting hun the girls here are amazing and can really help you to get things off your chest but don't ever think your not coping hun because you are xxx

 

[MrsS143]

Thanks

im so sorry that happened to you lilmiss
I had to take a break from here
I was becoming resentful the the blazé people who just fell easily and had no problens (not that I wanted them to have problems but it was like salt in the wound as why wasnt that me) so I left to stop torturing myself although have popped in to see how scotchpie and others were doing. Its just sad I guess. Thinking what could have beeen, constantly. Its tiring and not healthy

I think youre right about that it's not getting over death
my grief is extended as it keeps being added to

you ok now?
Sorry I wasn't here for you when it happened x

 

[MrsS143]

Thanks

im so sorry that happened to you lilmiss
I had to take a break from here
I was becoming resentful the the blazé people who just fell easily and had no problens (not that I wanted them to have problems but it was like salt in the wound as why wasnt that me) so I left to stop torturing myself although have popped in to see how scotchpie and others were doing. Its just sad I guess. Thinking what could have beeen, constantly. Its tiring and not healthy

I think youre right about that it's not getting over death
my grief is extended as it keeps being added to

you ok now?
Sorry I wasn't here for you when it happened x

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

Don't be sorry hun you have to do what's best for you. I'm ok I have my off days but mostly I'm ok and now ttc again.

Glad I got something right lol. You will get there hun it's going to take extra time it's been extra tough so don't beat yourself up.

I know what you mean tho so many people who don't want babies get them and moaning about symptoms I'd love to have. It is hard but we get there xxx