Hubby Has Made No Sacrifices For This Pregnancy!

[Julia]

Hi Girlies,

Just having a whinge....

My DARLING hubby has been fab around the house during my pregnancy and has put up with me moaning about sickness, headaches etc...

BUT he is still going out on a Thursday evening and Saturday evening every week. We both ADORE going out with friends and have had some great times over our local pub. His socialising is making me so jealous!!!!!! I love to have a drink but have obviously cut it out completely now. Do you think he should not go out so much? Is anyone else in the same position? I am getting so grumpy about it all.

We have a two year old daughter who is so well behaved so I don't struggle with her in the evening thank goodness, otherwise it would be a nightmare!!!!

Am I being irrational?

Moan Over!!

Julia xxxxxx

 

[nori]

Its a difficult one this. Is he going out on a big session or is it just for a few hours then he comes home? Id say you still need to have your time apart but i can completely understand where you are coming from. Maybe tell him that it would be nice to spend one saturday evening going for a meal together instead of him just buggering off out!

Claire x

 

[Mildly]

I would let him go out now because as soon as your bubs is born you can get him to stay home and look after the kids whilst you go out for the night - he won't be able to say no then

 

[Julia]

Thanks Nori and Mildly,

you are both right in what you think - he owes me nights out when I am back on the social scene and there is nothing he can say!! And yes - it is good to have time apart (we also work together in the same school).

No, he is not going out on massive benders - it is only from about 8.30 until 12.00 midnight. He doesn't get very drunk or anything like that.

I just miss going out!! Our baby is due in November and it feels like decades away!!

Any other advice very welcome,

Julia xxxx

 

[Neev]

aww firstly big hugs..I know what you mean but I am a little opposite right now, maybe its the hormones.

Because DH does so much all the time around the house and around me that I end up telling him go, get out..go and have a bit of your time. He does not go to the pub or hang out with mates as much- I dont know how I would feel with the pregnancy hormones if he did it too often but he goes to the gym for a couple of hours on his own. That is a place we used to go to together every day so I could feel left out a little I guess coz I dont get to see the usual faces but I know if he did not get his own space, he would get really wound up by my moaning all the time with back ache, this ache, that ache etc

And mildly's right...if you think of it that way - he can go now, then when you get the chance later..he has to sit back and let you have your couple of hours in the evening with your friends

 

[Julia]

Thanks Neev,

Yes - I think if he was around the house ALL the time it would drive me mad!! I suppose it is my hormones making me feel like I don't know what I want!!!

I am not really upset or angry about the whole issue - I just feel that men have their fun in making the baby and then continue to have a ball all the way through the pregnancy whilst we have symptom after symptom!!!!!

I shouldn't moan though - WHEN I GAVE BIRTH TO MY LITTLE GIRL, I WAS SOOOOOOO PROUD TO BE A WOMAN - IT IS A WONDERFUL FEELING AND MY DH SAID HE FELT REALLY HUMBLE FROM THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE....

Also - there are poor couples out there who have so much trouble conceiving and would give anything to feel pregnancy sickness and headaches etc.....

thanks for your reply, Neev,

Julia xxxxxx

 

[Neev]

awww Julia, it did make me feel also right at the beginning when I had really bad nausea and I couldnt eat, then had to eat all the time to push away the nausea, sleeping through the day and night, back ache, worried sick about the LO..I thought too - hubby is having it easy..but you know what he said to me? It is more difficult to see a loved one in pain than to be in pain yourself. It is also more difficult to see you in labour...I am scared of childbirth (its our first) and he is already saying to me, if I faint or if I am not that much of a support, dont be upset- I am just very very scared.

My MIL told me - this is the time to take full advantage of him..dont feel guilty for ordering him about, he will feel more useful and part of the pregnancy if you do than if you dont I have a note on my wall from him in the bedroom - License to abuse

By that he meant - shout at me, cry at me, be sick on me, make me get you a glass of orange juice at 3am, I can go to ASDA at 5am. Call me from work and tell me to come home coz you just needed a hug.

I have used the license, I have also abused that privelage lol but in the end I think it makes him more part of this pregnancy. He too wants to be exhausted before going to bed like I am.

Maybe its coz its our first? Maybe second time he will be a little different? who knows? But at the end of the day, dont you feel bad for telling him - stay home honey, dont go out tonight, go out tomorrow night etc. Or tell him how you feel about 2 nights, as your pregnancy progresses you will need him around more- see how you feel but dont stay quiet if you get lonely or sad - blame it on the hormones if he says anything

 

[Julia]

Thanks for your support, Neev.

You talk so much sense! You have made me feel alot better! He went out tonight and said "Do you mind if I go out?" not "I am going out".....this was alot better too!

I am not the type of woman to nag or try and stop their hubby from doing things because I know when I have had the baby, i will also want my bit of freedom!

I am completely calm about the whole thing now thanks to your post (and the other earlier replies). What would I do without this website!?!

Please try not to fear the birth too much - it was a wonderful (and yes uncomfortable) experience - probably the best day of my life!!!! I had pain relief (epidural and pethidine) to help me enjoy the birth more. BUT IT WAS NOT AGONY LIKE PEOPLE LIKE TO TELL YOU. It is just like bad period pain but with a wonderful gift at the end!!!!!!!!!!!

Julia xxxx

 

[*Star*]

ugh - i wish my fella was ON:Y out two nights a week!!!!

if you dont like it, make sure you put your foot down NOW cause trust me, when he starts and it gets into a habit then he wont change. My fella drinks every night, he is in fact out at the pub now picking up some drinks to have at home tonight.

he's going to end up with liver damage and die from it. i know it, but he cant see it.

good luck

 

[abcd1234]

Your hormones are probably contributing to it a little, Dave goes to the gym a few nights a week, every other night is with me, accept the occassional one out, which he's stopped now (i dont think he wants to risk missing me going in to labour lol) yet i still feel a bit miffed that he's out and i'm stuck at home! I would go with him but my gym membership is offpeak so i cant go in after 4:30pm.

Before i was begging for some nights off from him, now i get mad that he goes to work and leaves me here lol

 

[Steelgoddess]

This might sound odd and i could be way off mark h ere but i feel it is there way of preparing for being there when baby is born. Ie my OH is still going out mostly every week however he like ur dude has coped with me whinging, giving me backrubs and makes up for it in other areas...

I think if they are taking the piss like out alot and not really taking general interst then yeah kick his butt girl but for now maybe see how it pans out...

Also could you maybe join him a few saturdays? Maybe go to the pictures, or go out for pizza just to spend some time together? you need to make sure u get out too hon!!

x

 

[lea m]

Why dont you still go with him occasionally?! You dont have to drink to go into a pub? And now they are all non smoking theres no risk in that sense!

 

[Penstraze]

I am trying to encourage my DH to go out more I don't want him to wish he had once the baby is here we're also trying to make the most of being able to just up and go out together whenever we want before the baby comes I know you have the added problem of finding a babysitter but you obviously went out together before from your post so must have someone who can do that for you so make the most of it and get yourself out with him sometimes! I know when your feeling tired and abit lousy the last thing you want to do sometimes is go out but I have found if I push past the feeling of not being arsed we go and have a really good time together!

 

[Julia]

Just read your replies, girls!

Thanks for your support and suggestions....I think I will go out with him maybe Saturday (if my mum will babysit). I didn't go out for the first couple of month because I felt soooooooooooooo sick every evening. But I have no excuse now (apart from the tiredness).

When we have sunny evening he does suggest we both go out but I always reply with a "no". Well, i think I may start going now.

Another problem is - I have nothing to wear!! Maternity clothes are a little too big and sooooo drab!! So I think I don't feel very sexy anymore which does not help!

I am glad you have said that your men go out also - so I am not the only wife who is home alone!!

Star - how much does your man drink in a night? I hope you are not too down about it - did not know if you were serious or joking about liver failure and dying etc....

Julia xxxx