Homebirth or not???

[purplepants]

When i first found out i was pregnant i really wanted a homebirth and so did my hubby we even disscussed it with our midwife but....when i told my mum she went mad about it , i should say at this point my mum lost one of her twins after a home birth, obviously 48 years ago she did not have any scans so did not know she was having twins, neither the mw or doc that were present at the birth had experience of twin births one babys (paul) appeared healthy and was left at home with my my mum the other (john) was small and weak so wisked of to hospital had his lungs inflated etc. saddly paul (the stronger baby) died sometime later due to his lungs not being big enough to support him.

I understand why my mum is worried & because i need her support looking after my other children on the big day & to make her happy i said i would have the baby in hospital, but i'm not 100% happy with that, i know i'm not the most organised or tidy of people but i just feel from previous hosp births i would be more relaxed at home....HELP! what do i do now

Sorry its a lot of reading and not what some people want to hear about but i did not want people thinking my mum was being like that for no reason, thanks for reading.

i was thinking of talking to my mw on the next appiontment & asking if i could take my mum along to the one after, maybe it would put her mind at ease because she wont believe anything she reads on the net ?

I would be gratefull for any oppinions and suggestions

 

[trixipaws]

aww im really sorry to hear that. its understandable how ur mum feels after what happened to her, this is a tough one. i think if not the MW appointments then maybe some antenatal classes u should go to together so she can be educated about it and reassured. hope u guys sort something out and u can get ur home birth and ur mum be happy x x x x

 

[Manda&Thomas]

aww thats a hard situation t be in but i thin you should show your mum some facts like how as long as you are low risk home is actualy safer things like that to try and put her mind at ease

my dad was dead set against me having a homebirth he said if the drugs and medical equip are there you should use it but now hes dead proud i had Thomas at home and tells everyone bless him

i think they just worry lots for us
hope you manage to get it sorted and get your homebirth
xx

 

[Ibuellie]

Sounds like your brother didn't die as a result of the homebirth but due to a lack of indicators that there was anything to be concerned about after the birth. Which probably happened in loads of cases in the past.

My Aunt had a home birth about 43 years ago and she was trying to warm me off the idea just because of the mess. She said my uncle ended up burrying the afterbirth in the back garden coz they didn't know what else to do with it. When I mentioned to my doctor that I'd like a homebirth she gave me a stearn look and said 'well 50 years ago when loads of women gave birth at home, a higher infant mortality rate was acceptable'. My cousin who's had four hospital births and is a doctor said 'don't be crazy, get all the meds and medical attention you can'.

So now I'm booked in with a hospital and starting to consider as a half way measure, using the domino system (where you go home a couple of hours after the birth). I really don't like hospitals. I used to work in a nursing home and have sat through enough talks on cross infection to have a healthy suspicion about places full of sick people. I also don't like the idea of being just part of someone's job for the day. My guess is that midwives probably value the opportunity to do home visits more than their hospital rounds. I also really like the idea that at the end of the whole experience my husband doesn't have to go home alone and that we can sit together for as long as we like marvelling at our little miracle. hmmmm I think I've just reconvinced myself to go for the homebirth!

 

[Betula]

I can see why your mum eouldn't be keen on it. But things have changed a lot since then, and homebirths are actually safer than hospital births these days. I think it's becaus there is much less chance of complications. Also, if something does go wrong, generally it can be spotted way in advance, so you can be transferred to hospital. Have a read of this site http://www.homebirth.org.uk/ especially that What If section, as that is all about possible complications and risks. It might be worth letting your mum have a read.
I'm having a homebirth and that site gave me a lot of confidence, as did reading the book 'Birthing From Within'. I hope it all goes well for you, good luck!

 

[purplepants]

Thankyou for all the replies, i think i just needed to hear of other people that i wasnt being stupid for wanting a home birth. I will have another chat with my midwife at my 16 week appointment & i think i will have another chat with my mum after that and let her know that im still considering a home birth.

Thanks for the web site link Betula, thats the big draw to me too Ibuellie that my hubby does not have to go home on his own afterwards, that has been the worst memory of my previous births being left in hospital on my own & feeling really lonely when all i wanted was my hubbys arm around me.

 

[Kittykins]

I understand the dilemma. Like you, I want a home birth, but my mother isn't keen. However, she's rather more ambivalent than yours - she had me in hospital and it was an absolutely horrific experience. Not only was the labour/delivery made terrible for her, but I was then removed from her and she wasn't allowed to see me for 12 hours, 'to allow her to get a good night's sleep'. Apparently, it was totally standard experience for that hospital at that time for babies to be put in a separate nursery and formula-fed by nurses at scheduled times. Babies would then be handed back to mothers at 9am, noon, 3pm and 6pm, along with a bottle of formula, and removed as soon as they'd finished the bottle. This went on for three days, till they were discharged. My mother wanted to BF and was told that she was silly and irresponsible

After that, she was determined not to go into hospital again if she could help it, so she had a planned homebirth with my younger brother. However, he was born blue and the midwife struggled to resuscitate him - worse still, as he was being delivered, the cord caught round his neck, holding him up, and he twisted sideways, ripping my mother very badly. She haemorrhaged and lost consciousness. Obviously the ambulance was called, and in the end, both mother and baby were fine, but it was a traumatic experience. She had my third brother in hospital (albeit a different one to the one she'd had me in, despite the fact it was 30 minutes further!), though that was at least in part due to the real concern that she would have another post-partum haemorrhage.

She has said to me that she doesn't want me to go through what she did in hospital - but neither does she want me to go through what she did at home. She changes her mind every time we talk about it. Since her father, brother and brother-in-law all died of MRSA contracted in hospital, she totally understands my fears of infection.

I don't really have any answers, but I am gathering as much information as possible on intervention rates at the hospital, MRSA rates, equivalent rates at home, time taken to travel to hospital at different times of day, likely time for ambulance, etc. I am also seriously considering hiring a doula as a spare experienced person (though DH is against that). I think it's a case of making up your own mind, putting together a convincing case and then persuading your mother to support you. It must be horrendous to lose a child like that, and I can completely understand her fears for you, but as others have said, there is no way that what happened to her could happen to you - scans would prevent that. I do think, though, that it's really important for you to be 100% happy with your decision - I don't think I could go ahead with a home birth if I was only 75% happy, the whole 'what if?' thing would stress me even more than being in a hospital. So you really do need to spend a lot of time considering all the options and consequences - not least which room in your house, how easy to get out of the house and into an ambulance partway through labour/delivery(!!!), how far the ambulance has to travel (remembering it's a return journey for them... so if they're 15 minutes away, that's at least 35 mins from calling them to you arriving at the hospital, and you still have to get to a ward/theatre), etc. If I did have a home birth, I will be using a downstairs room and will use a pool and an inflatable mattress - but we have the space. We also have a downstairs loo. We don't have any other kids, and we have 3 reception rooms downstairs, so can easily set up a pool in one room 2 weeks before the due date and not need to use that room. Also, I wouldn't need to worry about trying to clear away kids' stuff 2 hours before giving birth - I know I can clean that room, shut the door and I won't find toys on the chairs, half-eaten biscuits on the carpet, etc. I think that's another big consideration - how much effort (and when) will it take to make the appropriate room ready? And if you use your own bedroom, how easy will it be to get out of the house when your contractions are a minute apart, or the baby's stuck?

Sorry this is so long - as you can see, I'm also struggling with the options!

 

[Suzie and Faith]

*hugs* Have a word with your midwife and if she is very pro home birth then take your mum along the next time If it is what you want then go for it! The best you can do is try and reassure your mum. I had intended on a home birth - but as the midwife was monitoring me at home bubbas heart rate started to drop so I was transferred to hospital. Faith was 100% fine though I did need an assisted birth (forceps). I was taken to hospital the second the midwife was even a tiny bit concerned and so I felt 100% safe and it was reassuring knowing that she wasn't taking any risks.

70% of first time births at home are successful (as in completed at home)
90% of births at home by mothers who've already had a child are successful



xxx

 

[Summer.]

I feel for you hun as I can imagine you feel lots of different emotions over this. In one breath I think taking her along may bring a lot back for her but on the other hand by speaking with them she will see things have changed a lot since then & you will be in safe hands. At the end of the day this is yours baby & ultimately your choice. You have to do what you feel is right for you. I really hope this works out for you as you should be feeling joy not sadness. Take care sweetie xx

 

[maldives]

Hi hun..i didn't get any sleep yet but didn't want to read and run...in my honest opinion...I think a homebirth sounds more comfortable...less scary...quicker! but I would never ever opt for a homebirth (why??) my Dr who is a consultant as well told me when I asked her about home-births and water births that she would never ever do it as it is risky! even if i was a low risk I would rather stay in hospital even though I hate it and don't feel comfortable but at least I know that both me and baby would be fine! I stayed for 3 days and couldn't wait to get out really..hospitals aren't the nicest place to stay in! but i think it's safer....this is my opinion but in the other hand..there are many women who gave birth at home easily and nicely and enjoyed the experience without any complications
I wish u the best with whatever choice u take.

 

[Nicky_Jones]

I had a homebirth last time and really really hope I can have a homebirth again. I was much morer relaxed and mobile, which I think really helps.

The other thing to consider is a birthing centre. We didn't have any in the Berkshire area where I lived before, nor in this area now. However this was the root my sister took. Though she did need to transfer to hospital as her LO wasn't so little (10lb) and she needed a bit of assistance. Thankfully mine was a nice small 8lb. However they do sound a great half way house if you are worried about a homebirth.

 

[lisa&alex]

I think lots of people arnt keen on homebirths especially mums.. my mum said i should have Eddie at hospital as i bled quite a bit after charlotte.. but it was my choice at the end of the day, i went into labor early at 36+5 (charlotte was born dead on 37weeks) so i knew he would be early and read up on the homebirth.org site about early home deliverys and knew all the risks i knew if i went into spontanious natural labor after the 36th week then it was 5% chance the baby would have breathing difficulties. a full term baby has 3% chance.. so it was a risk i was willing to take. he was born perfect.. no problems at all. i had to protest to the midwife that i was staying at home. i trusted my instinct and had a fantastic birth in my own house, i used my own towels.. eddie was wrapped in a lovely soft warm baby towel straight off the radiator.. i showered in my own shower.. drank from my own cups..it was brilliant and i would recommend it to anyone.

 

[GBLiz]

i had a homebirth.....the thought of hospital made me shudder...

you have a midwife with you ALL the time unlike in a hospital...there is no risk of the superbugs you hear about!.....you are more relaxed,,,,

i can understand completely why your mum is against it, but times have changed and with all the scans you would be much more likely to know if your baby is at risk.

My mum was really pleased I had a homebirth, and a bit envious that she wasnt allowed to (in the 'old days' anyone under 5'2 HAD to go to hospital )

Its hard because your mum has had that experience...like the others have said , maybe a lot of reassurance will put her mind at ease

 

[Chrissy1]

I can totally appreciate why your mum feels the way she does but I can honestly say that I felt my homebirth was safer than any hospital birth.

I had two midwives with me for well almost 24 hours giving me 1-2-1 attention. I was told that at the hospital they have two midwives covering 7 delivery rooms and unless you need help they just check you every 4 hours or so!!! They monitored the baby every 5 - 15 minutes and at any sign of distress they would have called an ambulance for us.

See if you can take your mum to see the midwife and have a chat with her, hopefully she'll be able to put your mum's mind at ease a bit