Friends are still ignoring me!!

[candymycandy]

After my MC in January I was on sick leave for around 6 weeks. 2 work friends text me once in this time. When I went back at the end of feb they barely said a word, neither even asking how I was or if I needed any support etc. Well it's now April and they still don't even talk to me. I feel like a leper. I've tried to excuse them, ie they don't know what to say etc, but i would rather say anything, or email, than just ignore someone as that makes them feel worse. How hard is it to just give someone a hug and ask if they need anything?! The only way they talk is if I go talk to them which I don't think I should have to do all the time.

The worst thing is is that I'm due to go out to lunch with them tomorrow for another friends birthday and I'm dreading it. Having to pretend like the MC never happened. They're all quite a bit older than me too so you'd think they might know better. Anyone else been through similar? People just seem to forget what I've been through. Xx

 

[megsmeadow]

I'm sorry they're treating you like that, I'm afraid I don't have any advice but maybe lunch will help to clear the air a little. Maybe if you drop some hints that you'd like to talk or for people to acknowledge your mc they might get the hint?

 

[Cherrybelly]

When I went back to work after my MMC, a lot of people ignored me as they obv just had no idea what to say. I got around it by being really open about the MMC and how I was feeling and it really helped. Went back to normal quite quickly after that. People will be worried about upsetting you and not sure what to do.

 

[flisstebbs]

The hardest thing I found about mc was how isolating it was. Even friends I thought nothing would be taboo found it hard to say anything to me after the 4th one. Couldn't even text to ask if I was ok. I felt so bitter about it, its been hard to accept these people suddenly appearing and knowing what to say when my 5th pregnancy worked out. My group of friends is much smaller now!

 

[Nomi76]

My loss was a bit different, ectopic instead of miscarriage, but I know exactly how you feel. It's almost like people want to pretend like it never happened. We hadn't made it public that we were expecting as we didn't know until it was too late (my cycles were irregular so being late was nothing unusual) but we have told some people since surgery and they act like it's no big deal and say very little. You're not alone, we're all here for you.

 

[Rose83]

I know how you feel too, just before Christmas I had my second m/c and the girl I had considered my best friend all through uni text me to see how life was going (she now lives in another city so rarely see her) so I told her what had happened she never replied until two weeks later to say happy Christmas, she just didn't even acknowledge anything has happened which I found so weird. People just don't seem to be able to cope in some cases! Hope you manage to clear the air with them soon x

 

[JaiandLeigh]

Hi hun, I think a lot of people who havn't experienced it don't understand & probably think 6 weeks seems long but it takes as long as it takes to mentally get ready back for work. I was off for 4 days with my first & 3 days with my seconded... Neither time did I feel ready to go back & if it happened again I would definitely take longer off! I remember putting pressure on myself to go back to work quickly because if dear of what people may think & isolation if I took longer off.... & you know what I really admire you for doing what felt right for you & not worrying about returning to work quick... Other people don't understand. Try not to worry xx

 

[ClimbingRose]

It is very frustrating!
They just dont know what to say, and also if they've never had one they wont know how painful it is. Did they know you really wanted a baby? Lots of people seem to think miscarriage is not something to get upset about because in most cases it is natural.
But its the loss of your hopes and dreams that hurts... you should tell them how you feel even if it makes them uncomfortable, and if they're still being weird with you, then you know they just arent good friends, and you distance yourself from them.
Pregnancy, loss and parenthood often shakes up your friends list. xx

 

[candymycandy]

Hi ladies, thanks for all your comments, it's so nice to have some support on here!

I went to lunch and they didn't even ask how I was generally. I tried to think of a way to 'casually' bring it up to break the ice with them but that was difficult as you might imagine! I've decided to just leave it now, perhaps they weren't as good friends as I'd thought and it's stressing me out waiting for them to talk to me! Such a cliche but you really do find out who your friends are in bad times. Thanks all again for taking the time to reply, it really does mean a lot after having a bit of a rough week xx

 

[yummymummy80]

hi candy,

im so sorry for your loss believe me I know what your going through. 1 of my really good or was good friend is completely ignoring me too like you say you find out who your friends are.

 

[ClimbingRose]

YEp, those who dont make the effort really arent worth it, so what if your pain makes them uncomfortable? Any real friend will stand up and be strong for you and be a supportive. I found it out when my dad died a couple of years ago... my friends list shrank dramatically, but I was left with some really good ones who surprised me with how caring they were. Needless to say, they were there for me too when I miscarried, so always good to have a good shake up of your friends from time to time, quality is more important than quantity as they say! XXX