Confused! - Advice Needed x x

[Gem212]

Hi Girlies

Firstly thank you for all your kind comments about joining team blue yesterday - they made my day!!

Secondly to all women that have a child or children already, not sure if this is hormones but after intially being so excited about having another boy i then had an overwhelming feeling of guilt towards my son Jayke who is nearly 5, he came to the scan and then after we dropped him off at pre-school were he has still been going for afternoons as he is only part time at school and as he left he said 'do you still love me mummy' i burst in to tears and thought what have i done how can i ever love another child let alone another boy as much as him??

Me and Jayke are soooooooo close as me and my OH have had a very rocky past and have lived seperatly for over a year and are hopefully now on the straight path to happiness (now that he has grown up!) but me and Jayke are like best buddies we do everything together and i even miss him when im at work.

Is this my hormones as i love the little man in my tummy and already feel a close bond since finding out yesterday but cant kick this guilt and stop telling Jayke that i love him all the time!!

Am i going mad??? Please help!!

Gems x x

P.S I might not be on her everyday as my wirless router at home is playing up and so im logging on at work, getting hold og BT is almost impossible but should hopefully be back up and running over the weekend!!

 

[Laura_James&Amber]

Hey, I don't have any advice as this is my first baby but didn't want to read and run so sending you lots of hugs!
(I'm sure your a great mum and will love both your boys equally)

 

[MissSara]

Your not alone here hun,
I feel so guilty about harrison having another brother and feel like i am making up for the guilt by telling myself i will spend all my time with harrison when the baby is here, but i know that will not be possible.

Harrison has also asked if this baby will be my oh's PROPER baby, which made us both feel like shit for a few days. And we had to explain that although OH wan't there to watch harrison be born he is still his PROPER daddy.

I'm sure this is what every 2nd time mummy worries about, but when the baby comes along im sure that the brother bond will kick in and we will both be wondering what we were worried about in the first place.
I think it bothers me aswell because of the age gap, i think to myself harrison as been an only child with me by his side all day everyday for 6 years and im unsure how he will deal with sharing me. But as with you Jayke is now old enough to realise that his brother needs more looking after for a little bit because he's only tiny.

I'm planning on making harrison help out with everything so that way he feels like the big boy who is helping mummy.

 

[xJodieLoux]

I don't have children already, but I've heard my Mum's story sooo many times....

My Mum had my eldest brother in september, then in october she found out she was pregnant again She was thinking about having an abortion because she thought she wouldn't cope and even thought she wouldn't be able to love another baby as much. My Grandma talked her into keeping the baby and (back then they didn't have sexing scans) she had an amnio (she ad one with all 3 of us because of her brothers baby's sever spina bifida) from the amnio she got to find out the sex and it was another boy. She was panicking thinking she wouldn't love him like she loved my eldest brother. But the moment she saw him she loved him just the same. Then 5 years later when she was having me she found out I was a girl through amnio again and she was worried she wouldn't be able to love a girl, but she loves me just as much as my brothers. She says you love all of your kids the same.

Don't worry about it hun

 

[Suzie and Faith]

It sounds like you and Jayke have a great relationship and there is no need for that to change at all!

I'd play up the hole 'big brother' role and make Jayke feel really important and let him know how special he is to you and how good it will be when the baby comes because he can help you and things like that! As long as he is involved he shouldn't be upset at all maybe he can help you pick a name, choose toys or things like that.

No matter what you will love your children equally, it's inbuilt into us to! That doesn't mean your relationship with either of them will suffer.

xxxxxx

 

[Mildly]

I have no experience at all (this will be my first) but maybe saying to your son that he is so special and loved that you really wanted another baby just like him. I'm sure he understands and is very excited about he new brother.

I read somewhere on this board that your love for your partner is finite (i.e. your will only love one partner at a time) but your love for your children is infinite and your capability to love your children will expand as the next child comes along.

I'm sure I've probably worded that badly ( I have been attacked by the stupids today!). Hope the guilt goes away and lets you enjoy your pregnancy and your son

 

[bunnymom1980]

Gem212- I totally understand how you feel. My son is older than yours but it still worries me, particulary if this one turns out to be a boy. I don't really know know what to suggest appart from what other people have told me, which is you don't change your feelings for your first but are able to love your second equally. if that makes sense.

MissSara- had the same thing here because my son is not by my husband. Jacob has been asking when he can change his surname (he still has my maiden name) because the baby will have our surname. I'm getting in touch with a solicitors to see how we go about it because I don't want him to feel left out.

 

[Lindsay]

Aww hun I think hormones have a lot to answer too, I used to worry about the same thing - before I fell PG again, I asked my mum how you can love another child as much as you do your first, she said that you just do. My mum had 4 children and she said that she love us all equally.

Xxx

 

[MissSara]

MissSara- had the same thing here because my son is not by my husband. Jacob has been asking when he can change his surname (he still has my maiden name) because the baby will have our surname. I'm getting in touch with a solicitors to see how we go about it because I don't want him to feel left out.

We also have had this aswell, and we have told Harrison that if he would like the same surname as the baby then we will just put OH's surname on the end up harrisons by deed poll. Beacause he has my surname which is Bailey it will just sound like he has two middle names. And then we are giving new baby Bailey has a middle name.

 

[aramintalovegrove]

I was worried about this too especially as we were definatley not having any more and used to REALLY tell DS he was so lucky being an only child before we had this suprise

I do hope for Camerons sake we have a girl and he is desperate for a sister, I think in his eyes this will still make him the exclusive son. But Im sure if its a boy he will be just as chuffed with a brother once he gets to meet him.

i also worry that as my boy has always been very very good and is the top of his class (which is mixed with the year above him too) another boy would be in his shadow quite a bit.

We are promoting the fact of being a big brother to Cam and with the age difference (8years) I hope this will lessen any problems.

 

[Jade&Evie]

I am 9 years older than my little brother and he is biologically only my half brother but I never felt any less loved.

My Dad never treated me like anything but his own, even after my brother was born. In his eyes he has two children- not one child and a stepchild. I took his surname when my mum and dad got married.

He's always said that you love your kids to the end of the earth- no more and no less... You will be fine- just wait and see

(Although he did say my brother was his favourite when I told him he was gong to be a Grandad at 39 )

 

[Gem212]

Thank you so much for all your advice i feel much better now, think alot of it has to do with hormones!!

Been into town today to next and mothercare and bought baby name books and lots of Boy clothes they are sooooooo cute!! Getting excited and im afarid im going to be one of them mums that dress there boys the same on special occasions!!

I also really like the name Jude it goes quite nicely with Jayke, let me know what you think!! x x

 

[Steelgoddess]

Awww poor mite, I think you will love them just as much equally but in different ways? i dont know much as this is my first but you sound like you're doing a great job, I think its natural for any kiddie to feel this way when a new addition is going to be brought into the fam but the other mums who have kiddies prob have loads of advice

x

 

[MissSara]

Juse is a lovely name, i am also going to be one of them mums that dressing them both the same for partys and stuff.......lol, i have already picked out a few matching waistcoats and things when i nipped in next the other day, my mum has said the same aswell.........lol

 

[simhaz1]

i felt abit like that when i was expecting my second but you do have enough love for them all you'll be amazed how much love you can give to 2,

i think if you keep him completely involved at all times he won't feel left out or pushed aside, he will see that your not replacing him if you like.

bobs xxx

 

[HideiLu]

Awww that brought a gulp to my throat

My brother has 3 boys now. Liam the oldest is 6 1/2 , then Louis 18 months and Finley 4 months. Louis and Finley are pretty content in there baby/toddler worlds, but Liam went from being an only child to having to share all the attention with 2 others in just over a year.

My brother and his OH deal with it by taking time aside for just Liam, like cinema night etc while someone babysits the other too.

Liam really appreciates it I think and is also really excited about having a little cousin on the way

 

[aramintalovegrove]

Loving the name, goes very well with Jake