Being a mum

[Laura_James&Amber]

Hello girls I would love to hear your experiences of being a mum. Was it how you expected it to be or completely different? did you cope well in the first few weeks or was it just a nightmare with all the sleepless nights? How did your OH's cope with it all? I have always wanted to be a mum and can imagine what it is like but I'm aware it could be completely different to how I've always thought it would be so to hear your experiences of parenthood would be great. I only have 13 weeks left now so starting to feel a little anxious about it all! Also just lately it seems every magazine has an article about PND and I also know someone who suffered quite badly with this and have realized how common it actually is. I'm hoping I don't get it and have been worrying about it, did any of you worry about it or am I just being a big worrier? Thankyou in advance for any replies

 

[charlie84]

Hi ya Hun
Well i must say that being a mum is such a great and wonderful thing. I absolutely love my daughter to pieces and enjoy every single moment with her. It was nothing like i expected well i didnt know what to expect to be honest. I like you started to get anxious as it neared the birth, i mean i fretted over whether i could look after her properly, was i gonna be a good mum, would i bond etc etc.

The moment she was born was such a great moment This beautiful little girl was mine, i created her and already loved her so much.
The first few weeks were hard for me as i got very sore from breastfeeding, and struggled at every feed. After a few weeks it was so much better.

I got what they call the baby blues, (most mummies get it a few days after the birth) where i would just cry and cry and nothing could stop me. Your HVs will discuss how you are feeling, so if you do feel low do let them know. Mine were lovely and helped alot with my breastfeeding. Dont be afraid to ask for help and advice.

The sleepless nights didnt bother me as i had suffered terrible heartburn in the last few weeks of pregnancy so was used to little sleep by then. At first my LO would wake every three hours for a feed so i found that quite managable at night.
When they say sleep when you LO sleeps do try too. I couldnt nap at first in the day with her but now i do.
Also except all the help offered with any housework, meals etc i found it a great help knowing i didnt have to faff with chores i was far too

My OH loves being a daddy, i didnt know how he would be as he had never really had any experience with children let alone a newborn but he took to it well, really suprised me. Got stuck in with changing, bathing etc.

It is the most amazing thing to be a mum Its bloody hard work but totally worth it

 

[kalia]

I had an awful pregnancy - towards the end I needed crutches just to get around the house. So becoming a mum was ace as it meant I wasn't pregnant any more!!!!!

OH was and is great - for the first few days (maybe week, it's all a bit blurry now) I couldn't be left alone with DD as I couldn't sit down or stand up while holding her because of my hips and pelvis so she had to be passed to me and taken from me. He took on doing the nappies and would dress her in the clothes I chose and even though I'm getting better he still does these things I do the milk so he does the nappies

Being a mum is brilliant! It's like having the worlds most sophisticated doll. And some times there are problem solving activities (why is she crying?) but they are fairly easy (hunger/burping, bored, nappy, tired, needing mum).

I had weepy moments on day 4 and I hated how much pain I was in afterwards. I hadn't realised it would take so long to stop really hurting. It takes weeks!

I hated the fact that after spending months bored and lonely and unable to get out of the house suddenly, when I had something to make my life better (DD) everyone wanted to visit. I didn't let people visit week 1 except for family. I limited to one or 2 sets of visitors a day as I really didn't want more and we had more than 3 weeks with visitors every day. And still more came! I spent the end of nearly every visit wishing these people would go away so I could sleep! It was 5 weeks before I wanted visitors and was up to staying awake late. Next time we will have a party or gathering early on so people can come to that to see baby and we can have peace and not have to entertain every night. And I'd arrange visits for times that suited me - 5 or 6 pm not 7.30pm.

Although I was irritated by these things I was not depressed at all. I love cuddling my little girl. I love that I'm no longer addled by pregnancy brain. I love the feel of DD's hair. I love watching her grow up that little bit each day. I love hanging out with the pregnant and new mummy friends I made at aquanatal. I love being able to pick things off the floor (I don't necessarily love picking things up, just that I can). I love getting more sleep as I'm not waking in pain every hour. It's all fantastic!

 

[lisa282]

Im just going to repeat the other post really and you will probably find most women will say the same thing. As soon as your LO is born, your mothering instinct will kick in and immediately you love them more than anything you can ever imagine. The urge to love and protect them overrides all else.

It is extremely tough in the first few weeks, particularly the first few days really until you get to know each other, and you probably will get the baby blues about 3 or 4 days after birth where you think youre not coping and how the hell you will come out the other side, but make sure you talk to someone and if you need to cry then just let it out. It will pass and then you will wonder what the hell it was all about!

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture so you gotta remember it will be hard and you wont always think straight, but once you settle inot a routine after a couple of weeks it becomes so much easier. I also found breastfeeding extremely hard for the first week until I knew what I was doing and it can be incredibly frustrating, not to mention painful, but you have to push through that to get to the rewarding bit.

To be fair, my son was always a pretty good baby, yes the first couple of weeks I was feeding every 2 hours and just snatching pockets of an hours sleep here and there, but once we established his feeding a little bit and he started to settle down, he soon started sleeping through the night from about 5 weeks which obviously made a huge difference. Its amazing what a good nights sleep can do for you!

The whole experience can be cmpletely overwhelming, but I wouldnt change a minute for the world. Its the most rewarding and exciting job Ive ever had in my life and my son has turned into such a wonderful little boy, he is a real pleasure. The past 3 years have been the best days of my life. I love being a mum and cant wait to do it all again. I found it to be easier than I thought it would, and the day to day things that you worry about become insignifcant in the grander scheme of things. Now I just worry that I teach him right and lead him down the good path, so he will continue to grow into a kind, caring and good strong young man.

You will be fine hun. The very fact that you worry about these things show you care about how you will bring your child into the world and help them on their way. I think its healthy to have a little fear and worry about stuff, you wouldnt be human if you didnt. The most important thing is to have faith in your self, and above all else let your baby teach you. You will probably learn a lot about yourself and your partner in the coming months, and as long as you stick together and help each other through, you will be rewarded with a wonderful little person. Relax and enjoy it, because you only get this time once and it goes by so fast x

 

[hayley]

Being a mum is the best feeling in the world... when they put their arms out to you for a hug it makes your heart melt every time! when you know your their world and being their mummy you can make eveything in their world better with a hug... the sleepless nights are worth it all... althou you don't realise how hard they are until your little one is sleepling throu and then has one nite of broken sleep! you can read every book, listen to all your friends, take advise from everyone offering it but until your actually doing all the mummy jobs you wont get it. I thought i knew it all... understood feeding, was planning my routine before baby came along! when he actually did arrive it was so different - but nicer!

h x

 

[flowergirl]

Weeks 1-4 were a blur of feeding and pacing the house with a baby that thought it was wake up time at some ungodly hour! It settled down though and you adjust to each other's rhythms. I didn;t find it a shock to the system but I wasn;t prepared for how single minded I was going to be initially. NOTHING else mattered to me except for attending to LO's needs. MY OH got quite cross with me after about 3 weeks because I'd let him do everything around the house for the whole time when really I could have washed a few pots here and there!

Be prepared to cry with frustration and confusion- you get so much advice and when you are tired it is so hard to make a decision and feel confident about what you are doing.

The best advice I was given came from the Jo Frost (super nanny) book which said 'You can't spoil a newborn' so if you get tuts and grumbles (particularly from older relatives) when you go to baby whenever they cry, don't worry- the baby is crying for a reason- not just to be 'naughty' they need you in the early weeks. As you gain confidence so does your LO and they will learn to lie happily on their own and be less demanding. I thought I was breaking every rule in the book and being way too soft initially, but now my LO is really content and quite easy now. 'Leaving them to cry' is pointless in the early days and is just distressing for mum and baby.

Good luck sweetie. Enjoy your first few weeks with your LO- it's magical

 

[Zodiac]

Being a mum is totally fantastic and gets better & better.

Must admit tho - at first I wasn't sure if I was bonding with LO. I knew I wanted to protect and care for him, but wasn't sure if this was because that was what was expected of me. Maybe not helped by the fact he was 6 weeks premature & spent 2 weeks on special care, so I wasn't able to be with him 24/7 and not 'allowed' to pick him up for cuddles whenever I wanted to. I had an emergency C-section and the day I went home from hospital without LO I balled my eyes out all day.

When we got home the first few weeks are knackering and all you do is watch them sleep, feed them, try to comfort them when they cry, or change their bums and don't get a whole lot back. Plus you don't get much sleep, so be prepared to tell relo's & friends etc. not to bother you until after lunch as I would catch up on a few hours kip in the mornings & not get dressed til gone 11am.

But as time goes on you settle into a routine, they become more alert to their surroundings and when you know they are smiling at YOU, just for YOU - you melt

Playing with him and getting smiles and giggles is the best feeling in the world. But when he's quiet and just wanting a lovely cuddle is sooo special too.... and then there's the feeling of pure contentment & love when you watch them sleep. God - I'm so soppy - I'm welling up just typing this

 

[LisaJ1986]

Up until the day she was born i was absolutely terrified! The thought of pregnancy and birth didn't bother me, it was the fact i had to keep this totally helpless little baby alive! That very second she was born was the proudest, most perfect moment of my life! I couldn't believe that I did that!
The first few days for me were so much easier than i thought. I thought i'd have a constantly screaming and demanding baby. She only ever cried at night to wake me to tell me she was hungry. In the day she moaned for food. She was so laid back. I was ready to give up BF after 2 weeks coz it was draining, but i stuck to it and i love it. I didn't wanna do it in the first place.
I was used to no sleep coz the last few weeks of pregnancy i was up a couple of times for the loo anyway.
I also got the baby blues, didn't help by me being a huge worrier anyway. I sometimes cry on and off even now, but HV isn't worried coz that's me, a worrier.
Everything is so worth it when she smiles! The day she turned 3 weeks old she did her first smile and has done everyday all day since. And now she's laughing!
Each milestone makes me love her more than i ever thought possible!

 

[daftscotslass]

you have to be full of battle plans especially for sleep fighters

I also made the mistake of not realising how clever babies are

This is so true. I echo everything everyone said but this is so true for us too.

While we don't have a problem with her sleeping at night (sorry midna! ) I think I had it in my head that young babies ate, slept and pooped. I was totally unprepared to have her awake most of the day right from the very start! Up until quite recently she has needed to be kept entertained most of the day but now she can amuse herself for longer if I need to do something in the house. I absolutely love being around her all the time even if it is exhausting sometimes.

With regards to PND it does happen but you are weepy in the first few weeks. I didn't think I'd had the baby blues but not long after we got home I had a day when I was constantly sobbing. Sometimes even now tiredness gets the better of me and I get a bit weepy but it doesn't happen often.

LisaJ is so right, when you see the smile, hear the first giggle and see the total unconditional love in their eyes it makes you melt.

 

[Laura_James&Amber]

Thankyou girls for sharing your experiences. You all sound like fab mums and seems you all enjoy being a mum. I haven't heard one bad experience! I hope I take to it as well as you all have

 

[trixipaws]

well melissa wasnt planned and tbh i was rele apprehensive coz i wasnt ready to be a mum so i was expecting it to be a total total nitemare and thought i would hate it- i dont kno if its coz my expectations were so low that i was so pleasantly suprised or if i wouldve found it easy anyway had i not expected it to be so awful but i can honestly say that its much, much, MUCH easier, wonderful and amazing than i couldve ever possibly imagined

 

[clarey]

I would also echo much of what everyone else has said, I'm feeling a bit teary now just thinking about how fab motherhood is! The first few weeks are hard, you have so much adjusting to do and recovering from the birth but if I could do it all again tomorrow I would, I already cant wait for no.2! Even the sleepless nights arent that bad imo and we still have them now!

Eva changes every day and gets harder work in a way as she needs so much entertaining, sometimes I would love to go back to that first week when we just seemed to sit around waiting for her to wake up - now I would have a nap myself lol but at the time I was so hyped up by it all! She has been giggling at me this morning while we were playing a flying game, its the first time she has really done it as she normally 'laughs' silently and it was soooo cute, I am so happy she is here, its like having a new best friend who thinks you are the best thing ever!

Enjoy the first few weeks, its such a special time and goes so fast, rest as much as you can and try not to get frustrated if it seems to be taking ages to get 'back to normal' Good luck!