At my wits end

[Ella1979]

I know I've moaned on here about this before, so apologies for doing so again...

Today I had to collect my kids again from nursery as my son was ill with a cold (quite a nasty one, but he seemed a bit better this morning - nursery just panicked that he wasn't eating/drinking very much, but since he's been home he's eaten lunch and has just finished his tea). I got my daughter at the same time as it's easier than making two trips.

Anyhow, I only work Thurs and Fri. So far I've been lucky as I've had loads of annual leave, so work don't realise quite how ill my kids have been. On the odd week where I have been working, my OH or parents have taken care of them. Basically they've been non-stop ill since last October. They've been passing on stuff to us and we've been passing on things to my parents (my dad had cancer last year so his immune system is already pretty low from chemo and radiotherapy).

I don't think it's all worth it. I texted my OH to say he'd have to look after them tomorrow and he said "could you because I've got loads of work on". I'm finding it difficult not to work as we're really short-staffed. I just feel like I'm stuck constantly looking after two ill children - we can't go anywhere during the times I'm home because one or other is too ill. Then me or my OH gets called by the nursery to collect them on my work days.

Argh! As it is, in a couple of years I'd be earning more than my OH, but he doesn't want to give up work and wouldn't reduce his hours. I'm thinking I'm just going to have to give up my career for the moment. It took a lot of work to get where I am with my job, but I really can't stand seeing my kids so unwell. I can't see it improving either. Everyone says "they're getting immunity" but you don't get immunity to viruses, just to toxins and bacteria, so that's a big pile of c**p.

Sorry for the rambling, I'm just so fed up.

 

[T84]

Aw you've had a shit time of it Ella! Not got any advice really other than maybe a career break? No one gives you manuals for when things go wrong do they x

 

[littlemonkey]

Ella, I can completely sympathise when there isn't much of a difference between you being in work or not. The LOs always being poorly doesn't help.

If it makes you feel better I had the same with my son last year when he started with the childminder, it felt like he was constantly ill for all last winter and I was constantly having to get him. This year hasn't been half as bad. I know what you're saying about immunity, but they do get physically stronger and more capable of dealing with these things with time.

Just a thought, would alternative childcare be an option at all? My childminder obviously sticks to the legal guidelines with D&V, rashes, temperature etc. But with colds etc she will rarely ask for him to be collected. Based on my sisters experience with her nursery there is absolutely no give, if her son is ill she gets called up regardless.

 

[Ella1979]

Jen - no, no manuals! I always had issues about leaving my kids in nursery, my son especially as he's so little, but had no idea just how ill they'd get. And he's so unwell again, it's heart-breaking. Unfortunately my manager already declined me a career break and if I quit work and want to return, not only do I have to reapply for a job, but I have to work 30 days without pay (longer if over 2 years out) to get up to date in order to re-register with the Health Professions Council.

littlemonkey - I guess I could look into a childminder. I'm quite open to that kind of childcare, although my OH will take some convincing (he thinks they have more opportunities at nursery). I don't know, it's just got to a point where I'm not sure that this is the best option. It's not even as if me working means we can get away on a holiday as it brings in so little. I'm left thinking what exactly are the benefits.

 

[Iwant3]

I am a childminder, and I only exclude children for things that the HPA guidelines instruct. i take children on antibiotics after their first dose, I have children with colds, and will give calpol if needed. If they need to they just lay on my sofa and have an easy day rather than joining in with the activities. they can nap when they want and have meals when they need rather than at set times. The only times I have called parents to collect whilst at work has been due to diarrhoea or sickness and even that has only been 3 or 4 times in the four years I have been minding!

With regards to more opportunities.....both nurseries and childminders follow the Early Years Foundation stage and childminders really have to set up their homes like a mini nursery. The big difference being, they are in a smaller group of children, they are with other age groups and with the same adult/possibly 2 adults all the time. I don't say they don't get ill as much as children mixing in any situation means and exchange of germs, but when they are ill parents aren't off work themselves as much.

 

[LD1978]

Aww I really feel for you. My little girl is at home with grandparents and she gets enough colds! I'm lucky that my job is flexible and I can work from home so it must be so hard if you have to juggle things.

I hope you don't think I'm speaking out of turn but I don't think your husband can have it all ways. If he isn't prepared to cut hours or look at his current work then I dont think he can be so adamant on nursery. Sounds like your at the end of your tether and something has to give. I think the childminder sounds like a good middle ground and doesn't sound to me like they would lose out. My sisters friends are childminders and they have to do lots of things with them now. If you really love your career I think it's worth trying to hold on to it x

 

[flisstebbs]

Ella, totally with you on this one. Jess has just completed her 5th course of antibiotics for her chest since starting nursery last May. She has had a total of 10 well days in Jan just after the xmas break since Oct, but the rest of the time she ranges from snotty and coping to downright miserable with with heavy cold then chest infection.

You may remember my post before xmas asking if its better with a child minder.

If Jess didn't absolutely love her nursery I would have bailed then tbh.

Everyone keeps telling me it will very soon get easier, March is when the viruses start to recede in prevalence. Maybe its a bad time to give up as there may be light at the end of the tunnel?

 

[Mackmummy]

I was going to suggest a childminder or a nanny?mless children more one to one care?

 

[Pumpkin9]

I know someone that has employed a live in au pair. They only have one child at the Moment but it suits them
Much better than external childcare due to working and commuting etc.. For 2 children it would be more financially viable than a nursery I suppose. Saying that au pairs don't tend to have the same qualifications and child minders, nannies or nurseries but I like what mackmummy suggested. Might help you out massively and prob wouldn't be any more expensive

 

[TORino]

I had similar when T started at nursery.

It was a tough time, partly because I am a senior manager in my organisation and I had to drop things so many times to pick her up, I missed several meetings with the chief exec during that period!! But also she was passing all of the bugs to us!

One of her colds/viruses resulted in one of my eardrums becoming perforated. It was quite miserable. It did stop though eventually. I guess I am trying to sympathise with you. None of us can promise that it will stop either, though like I said it did in our circumstances.

Only you can decide what is the right thing to do, though I will say I've noticed a lot of posts from you considering removing your kids from nursery and quitting your job, so maybe that is what your heart is telling you to do? I hope you can find a way to be at peace with your situation. x

 

[Ella1979]

Thanks for your replies everyone.

LD1978 - definitely not speaking out of turn, you are absolutely right! I feel like I've been the one making all the sacrifices and trying to sort things out.

I guess I feel totally conflicted about what to do. My job is a good one with brilliant prospects, so if I just think about my job then I wouldn't want to give it up (especially as I'll earn more than my OH in a couple of years time, so it seems stupid to give that up). But I'm hating seeing my kids unwell and feel like I'm palming them off just so I can continue my work, which considering we chose to have them seems unfair.

Slight breakthrough with my OH though - he's agreed to look at childminders...

 

[MrsS143]

Is there anyway you could take unpaid leave for 6 months to a year and they get a temp in until you get back?

 

[Ella1979]

Unfortunately not. I already approached my manager for a career break. Asked for a year, she said no, I asked for much less - still a no. We're incredibly short-staffed at the moment, so I think she'd rather replace me than hold my job open for a few months.