Worries.

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by l_maclean, Jan 27, 2012.

  1. l_maclean

    l_maclean Well-Known Member

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    This is gonna sound really strange - just wondering if anyone else is having the same worries.

    Im reasonably ok with the labour bit - yeah its gonna hurt but it'll be worth it.

    A wee bit nervous about being responsible for a newborn baby - but she wont know if i dont follow all the rules - so i figure we'll learn as we go.

    The bit that really scares me just now is Lonliness. Im not even sure thats the right word - but im really quite a socialable person - and i cant stop thinking about how much a baby is gonna change all that.

    Cos i had to finish work early, i feel like all i do is sit in the house all day. My main hobby is dancing, but im not gonna be able to go out to dat the same anymore, plus the majority of my friends are 50s/60s, even those who are younger, arent remotely in the same stage in life. Im kinda scared that im gonna lose touch with everyone.

    I dont know any other new-ish mums in my area, and there doesnt seem to be much choice for activities to meet them.

    It sounds really selfish - and i dont mean it like that - i cant wait for madam to arrive - but im scared that my life is over.
    xxx
     
  2. Hunnie

    Hunnie Well-Known Member

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    I'm not going to lie but im not a particularly sociable person and don't mind being on my own but the last 2 weeks I have felt quite isolated and reality has kicked in as just how much my life has changed and how it's now so much more effort to do everything like just popping into asda or going shopping.

    I have felt quite low at times when I've realised everyone else will be able to get on with life so much easier and it's been particularly bad for me when she's been unsettled but it's absolutely all worth it when she's peaceful and is giving cuddles and Ive started to come to terms with the fact that I've given it all up for Sophie and she's worth it 100% :) xxx
     
  3. pixie17

    pixie17 Well-Known Member

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    this has crossed my mind to as i am also quite a sociable person. i have spoken to my midwife who has told me about some parent/baby groups that are around. i am going to make the effort to see what they are like, even if its once a week. why not ask your midwife if she knows of any? also are there any surestart centers in your area? my sister in law works at a centre and they sound great for all round support and sociability. i thought they were just for mums/dads who need help but they arent, anyone can and does use them even if its just popping in for a cuppa.

    BTW i do not think you are selfish at all. just because we are having babies doesnt mean we should entirely forget about ourselves. sure, the baby comes first but we need to look after ourselves too, otherwise we are not going to be much use to the LO x
     
  4. Nic36

    Nic36 Well-Known Member

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    I've also had these feelings - not because I'm a particularly sociable person, because I'm not to be honest, but because I'm afraid I am going to feel very isolated when LO arrives. I don't have many friends my age locally either - most are either very much older or else live a good 30-40 minutes away by car. Other than my husband I don't have any family either. I am going to try and make the effort to go to some of the local baby groups as soon as I am able and see how that goes. Good luck!
     
  5. x_larlybelle_x

    x_larlybelle_x Well-Known Member

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    I don't have any friends of any age! I left school after my gcse's, never kept in touch with any of my school friends and haven't really met anyone since :(

    I'm planning on making the most of any mother and baby groups I can, taking the opportunity of this new chapter in my life to make some new friends who are at the same stage in life as me. None of my old school friends have kids or are married so I'm the trend setter there.

    It does make things lonely, but I'm worried and excited at the same time about Pip's arrival. I'm hoping he makes me into a more sociable person.

    Only time will tell xx
     
  6. vickib_1984

    vickib_1984 Well-Known Member

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    I don't have many friends but that's through my own choice I'm not going to lie either the first few weeks are hard and are lonely especially when everyone has been to visit and are all back at work and your stuck at home.........but after that time and you have got yourself into your own routine it is manageable to get out and meet people the best source for mum and baby groups is your hv as she will tell you where things are also you'll meet mums at baby clinic when you go and get baby weighed........it's not all bad :) and your life most defiantly isn't over :) xxx
     
  7. mummy2b19

    mummy2b19 Well-Known Member

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    I am very much the same as you the only two people I kept in touch with after school are both at uni apart from that I find everyone else very imature and bitchy and i never really made friends with anyone at college or that I've ever worked withthink its mainly because i never tend to stay in a job too long i get board and find something else, im really worried about this too i know there will be loads of people who iv not seen in years turning up at first to see the baby but when the novelty wears off im going to be on my own most of the time. And the idea of going to a mother and baby club on my own terrifies me i hate being in new situations with nobody there that i know. X
     
  8. vampybear

    vampybear Well-Known Member

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    im the same, except i never had many friends to begin with! but knowing the selfish things i like to do, like taking myself off to cinema, going to shops when i feel like it will be much harder, and i will always be having to sort out where he is going to go, and i wont want to keep asking people to babysit, so i will be alone a lot.

    what i do remind myself is that they are not babies for very long at all, they will start going to school etc before u know it and then soon they wont even want us to spend time with them as we are embarrassing!

    im also aware that after maternity leave i will have to go back to work- i feel a mixture of a lot of guilt as to where i will then have to put him most days, but also it will show me i dont have much alone time with him, so i need to savour it
     
  9. l_maclean

    l_maclean Well-Known Member

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    Thanks guys.

    I guess I'm
    Nervous, cos I don't normally have close friends, I didn't keep in touch with anyone from school or uni. For the first time ever it feels like I have proper friends through my dancing - and I guess im a bit scared that cos I won't be able to do that as much, I'll have to start all over again - again.
    Xxx
     
  10. Bee7

    Bee7 Well-Known Member

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    I feel exactly the same hun, and like you i feel guilty for even feeling this way but i think it's totally normal. Having a baby is a life changing thing and it's only natural to worry about the impact it's going to have on our lives.

    I was a very sociable person with a solid circle of friends who i see regularly. We used to go out drinking and dancing pretty much every Saturday night, have meals throughout the week and plan girly holidays/days out all the time. Now i can't do these things as much, not only cos i'm pregnant/tired but because now the majority of my money is going on bills, rent and things for baby. I'm the only one of out of my close group of friends to have a baby so i do feel a bit isolated and left out. I know i'm going to miss out on things and i wont lie, it does upset me. My friends don't often have much tact either and always speak about these things in front of me so it does make me feel a bit sad. One time they even said that i'd be able to go on holiday with them in June because baby is due to be born in April! Obviously no consideration to the fact that a) i'm going to be skint and b) i won't want to up and leave a 2 month old baby!

    To be honest, comments like that make me more determined to interact with similar minded people who actually understand what pregnancy/motherhood is all about. I'm hoping to meet people at antenatal classes and when baby is born i will definitely be taking him to mother/baby activities. I've come to terms with the fact that my life will change and there's nothing i can do about it. It doesn't mean that i can't still do some of the things i did before, but i'm 25 now with a baby on the way so i also feel like it's only right that i grow up and act responsibly. I'm sure you won't be lonely hun, and if you are all you need to do is pop on here and have a moan at us :) xxx
     

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