Worried and confused.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by loopykid, Nov 30, 2007.

  1. loopykid

    loopykid Member

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    Hi. I'm 16 and recently me and my boyfriend decided we wanted a baby and we started trying a few weeks ago.
    Since the beggining of this week, i haven't been feeling myself. I have the same sort of feelings i get when im expecting my period, but I'm not ment to have it for another 2 weeks or so. I've been feeling really dizzy and sick alot as well.
    I've been to a clinic to speak to a health worker, but was told that i have to wait until 2 weeks after my period is due before i can do a pregnancy test.
    My boyfriend doesn't think im pregnant but i don't know. I'm really confused about it, and would appriciate any advice that people can give me.
    Thanks
    Loopykid.
     
  2. zebrastripes

    zebrastripes Well-Known Member

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    You may be pregnabnt,you may not.I think it would be quite early to be getting morning sickness if you haven't even gotten your period yet,but don't quote me on that.

    Just out of ineterst,why are you TTC? You've got years ahead of you to worry about having kids, but you're only young once.
     
  3. libs

    libs Well-Known Member

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    If you have 28 day cycles and you aren't due for 2 weeks - you're just ovulating now so you can't be pregnant enough for symptoms yet.
     
  4. loopykid

    loopykid Member

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    can i ask what TTC means please? I think maybe i'm just stressing out to much. Making myself think i have symptoms when i dont really. Anyways thanks for the advice.
    Oh yeah, caculated wrong. Am due for my period on the 12th or so.
     
  5. uncle_bens

    uncle_bens Well-Known Member

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    TTC means trying to concieve. If you period isnt due for two weeks than its too early to test, you can test from the 1st day of your missed period. Make sure your trying for the right reasons
     
  6. zebrastripes

    zebrastripes Well-Known Member

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    I second that,it's a bad idea TTc if you think having kids is the equivelant to Baby Born :lol:
     
  7. mummykay

    mummykay Well-Known Member

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    if only it was that easy!! :lol: :lol:
     
  8. mary70

    mary70 Well-Known Member

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    well my son is 16 and i would be mortified, dont get me wrong if ist an accident its a different story or another young lady i know that is married and in a long term relationship but at 16 there are so many things you have not experienced and that are alot easier to do without a baby, i am not saying dont but please think long and hard you cant change your mind hlaf way down the road, a baby is for life not for christmas
     
  9. Sarah&Braydon

    Sarah&Braydon Well-Known Member

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    i agree with mary hun, falling pregnant at 17 was hard enough to deal with my son is now 2 and i love him to peices but i cant do all the things girls my age do, my son was a pleasant mistake and i love him to peices but just think bout it
     
  10. loopykid

    loopykid Member

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    I know that a baby isn't like baby born. I've taken care of my nieces and nephews before, and i looked after one of my nephews on my own for 3 weeks when he was newborn, as my sister couldnt do it, as she had post natel depression.
    I'm going to find out tomorrow wether or not i am pregnant. Me and my boyfriend both want a child, and think its the right thing. I'm nearly 17, and my boyfriend nearly 18. We both no the consequences of having kids, and are prepared for them.
     
  11. Squiglet

    Squiglet Well-Known Member

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    I know I'll probably be shot down in flames for this... but how are you going to take care of the baby? :think:... I assume you and your bf are both working with good jobs, and that you live together in your own home, to suggest that you are prepared for having a child... because that's what you should be doing to be prepared for having a baby.... I also assume that both sets of parents are happy about this and are actively supporting you?

    Most of us who have had our babies at a young age (me included) admit we weren't prepared for them... they were completely unexpected and we had to "cope" with what was given to us.

    At the end of the day, your baby is your baby... you don't babysit it for a few weeks then hand it back... you have it forever. What would happen if you get PND, and if your bf can't handle things?

    I had my daughter when I was young, and I can assure you, they become more and more challenging as they get older, I've done 8 years now... and while I don't regret having my daughter, there are days I wonder if I would have been better concentrating on getting a good career and getting married before getting pregnant, so that I don't have to spend the rest of my life in dead end jobs just to make ends meet.

    My experience the first time round, made me seriously re evaluate my second pregnancy... I wanted to make sure that the next time round, I had a nice home... MY home... a good job... and a husband. And I did.

    Babies are nice... but they don't stay babies for long... they become little people with their own issues and emotional problems, which isn't as easy to deal with as sticking a bottle in their mouths... And when that time comes along, I can assure you while you will love your child whatever, it will be some of the most difficult times of your life.
     
  12. mrs_tommo22

    mrs_tommo22 Well-Known Member

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    You may want to take notice of sqiug, shes the voice of reaosn around this place.

    I was 20 when i got pregnant with my first child and although I had a flat a job etc, I had only been with my BF (now husband) 4 months.

    nd when we had him we struggled financially, babysitting and its surprising how much babies really cost - for both my kids I have had to fork out at least 800 quid and most of it wasnt even new.

    Like squig I had to evaluate whether I could have another child, but I was married, we both had great jobs and a nice house.

    You have to sow all your wild oats before you settle down with children, go out and enjoy yourself and maybe thnk about it in a few years.

    You need to be settled with your bf, settled with a home of your own and have a steady wage.

    Babies cost alot of money and are trying at the best of times nd totally take over your life - youl have no life for a good 5 years til there at school!

    Seriously think about it, you have your whole life ahead of you - enjoy it
     
  13. Babylicious

    Babylicious Well-Known Member

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    I have to agree with squig and mrs t, another young mum here. Paris wasn't planned and it was bl00dy hard work, she had colic and cried constantly, my then husband was useless, never helped out. I couldn't take my career further and to a degree then I resented her as I wanted to go out and have fun. Life changes and I adore her now, but get settled first, you won't get a second chance to be young :hug:
     
  14. sophie-jordan

    sophie-jordan Well-Known Member

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    totally agree with the others. i had kiyanna at 14, and it was the hardest thing ive ever done and its getting harder as she gets older!
    just think about things before u start TTC, you may end up regretting it, and resending those who can go out and do things that young people do!
    u can have a baby at any time in your life, but u cant be 16 agian
    x sophie x
     
  15. mrs_tommo22

    mrs_tommo22 Well-Known Member

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    Agreed, id be happy to be 19 again for 24 hours with no worries or children, being 16 is when you look out and you know you have all the time on the world to do what you want - you dont want to have to worry about babies and ttc :hug: enjoy your life, man your not even old enough to drink yet! enjoy t all befor it turns sour your only young once!

    Though if you do get pregnant I wish you all the luck in the world. :hug:
     
  16. zebrastripes

    zebrastripes Well-Known Member

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    Squiglet basically said it all,because you can look after all the nieces and nephews you want, it is not the same as having your own. I got pregnant at 15, and although I adore my daughter and wouldn't change her for the world,I do regret the fact I didn't have longer being an irresponsible idiot, like you are meant to be when you are 16. As it is,I have to work doubly hard to get my A levels and eventually my degree,so I can afford a good quality of life for my daughter. No offence,but can you or your boyfriend even drive? Are you going to rely on your parents for travelling as well as everything else? I don't think you have really thought this through
     
  17. loopykid

    loopykid Member

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    Yes, my boyfriend can drive, and from January, we will be living together in our own place.
    I know that having a baby will be a hole lot different from looking after my nieces and nephews. A baby is there all the time, not just when i want to play with it, hold it or enjoy it. Its there all the time, and it will be my responsibility.
    Neither mine nor my boyfriends parents know that me and my boyfriend are trying for a baby, but i'm sure they would be supportive.
    Me and my boyfriend are both at college at the moment, so dont have full time jobs, but are looking at the moment. We have savings, and our parents would help us out to begin with.
    I'm almost 17, and i feel i have lived my life. I was diagnosed with a chronic liver condition a few years ago, and i can never drink because of it. I'm not going to be going out partying, or clubbing or doing those things. I dont have many friends, and i dont go places with them. My boyfriend and my family are my life.
    Having a baby is what we both want, and its something we have both talked about. I know im younger than most people who plan to have children, but as long as we know we want a child, can care for a child both physically and mentaly, does it really matter about my age?
     
  18. Slinky Sarah

    Slinky Sarah Well-Known Member

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    iv PM'd (private messaged) you chick
     
  19. Squiglet

    Squiglet Well-Known Member

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    Age doesn't matter.... some of the best mothers I know happen to be those who got pregnant young (Zebrastripes for example). But I think you should take time to prepare before getting pregnant, like any TTCer thinking of getting pregnant no matter how old they are. Most of the time, you don't get the chance to make your baby's world just right before it arrives, they get sorta launched at you, and you have to make do... Trust me when you have your child, you will realise how massively important they are and how unworthy you are... and how they deserve the best in the world...

    For one, getting a job, working there for a while, before getting pregnant so that you qualify for SMP... rather than living off measly government hand outs because you are not over 18 and living with a partner, so the government will screw you over again. Also going to college with a baby is a pain in the bum, tbh.. its do able... but its not easy... I went to college after I had Tia and financially it was hard... There were many sacrifices I had to make, including missing several meals, just so that I could afford nappies, rent, gas and electric. It might be advisable to wait till you are living together before trying for a baby, just so you can see how your finances go...

    Also with a Chronic liver condition, you need to think seriously about how that will effect your pregnancy too... I say this because I have Crohn's disease, and I had several long talks with my consultants before I even began trying for a baby this time round... I wanted to make sure I got all my drugs and treatment right so as not to harm the baby, and what complications could occur should I have issues with my disease. Have you spoken to your consultant at all?

    I know that both me and DH could care for a child both physically and mentally with a third child and it is something we both want and have talked about... but we know that financially that would put a huge strain on the household and our relationship, and we do live together and he has a full time well paid job, we have savings.... Doesn't mean that we are not capable, that we aren't responsible enough, it just means that we know at this current moment in time, it's not practical.. and when you have your baby you will see how much finances come to play in your life... especially around xmas times. :roll: and you don't want to be begging and borrowing off your parents all the time... you want to be responsible and independent. You want to be able to say... this is my baby and I raised them myself. Of course parents help (buying pressies etc).... but its a great feeling doing it alone.
     
  20. Sherlock

    Sherlock Well-Known Member

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    My suggestion would be to both finish college at least, that way your BF (and yourself until maternity leave once employed) would both stand a better chance of employment prospects and gaining a qualification that will be of use when needing to support a family long term. It is often hard to afford going back to college as an adult, so if you can, both of you should try to finish your courses IMO. And living costs are not cheap, so the better prepared you and your boyfriend are to be able to support a child, the better.

    Its really not that long, a year or two, and in the meantime you can continue saving, get used to living together in your own home, be able to furnish it as you like and enjoy the time together before a little one arrives.

    You sound like you have been through a lot, but as others have said, you are still young, and surely delaying a year or so before trying would be worth it in the long run, not just for your baby, but you and your partner. I think that you want a baby is wonderful, you both have obviously given it a great deal of thought, but I do think that by maybe trying to have one *now* you are rushing a little. If you are both committed to each other, feel there is a long term future, then surely another year or so isn't going to matter in the long run, not when its for your childs future care and financial support?

    I know its awful to bring it back to money, but the costs of a child are vast, and often its a real struggle even for those who are in good jobs etc. And if you do have to struggle endlessly, it can become draining on you both emotionally and may cause problems in the longer term. Give yourselves a chance to be better prepared for the responsibility of the next 16 plus years once a baby arrives.
     

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